Dungeon Keeper Ranma
by A-kun
Summary: Ranma Saotome was thrown from his home dimension into the world of Dungeon Keeper 2. Now, he must build an army and conquer the kingdom before he can go home. But how much will he change?
1. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 1

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Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 01: Keeper of the Heart By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

Ranma Saotome didn't quite understand what had happened, but he was sure that it probably had something to do with Happousai.  
Happousai had been exceedingly bad during the past week. Normally, he just flipped some skirts, stole some panties and glomped a few women. But he'd gone wild, flipping every available skirt, stole every panty that'd ever been worn and glomped every damn near every woman age 15 to 45.  
So, Ranma and the rest of the Nerima wrecking crew decided that Happousai deserved some punishment. They'd stopped him from flipping skirts by getting every girl to wear pants, returned every panty and pounded him whenever he got close enough to a woman to glomp her.  
Happousai had finally had enough and ran off crying. Ranma went to bed that night feeling he'd finally taught the old freak a lesson.  
The next thing Ranma knew he was in a room with stone walls and torches and there was an enormous creature glaring at him.  
The creature was large. It stood easily seven feet tall with thick muscles that would have put most of the large guys Ranma knew to shame. It had red skin, an enormous chin, yellow slitted eyes, hooved feet and two large horns growing from the side of it's head, giving it an almost demonic look. Over it's chest and shoulders was metal armor,  
it wore a loin cloth with hip guards and on the front side of it's legs were thick metal armor plates similar to the kind it wore on it's chest.  
In it's nose was a thick black ring, reminding Ranma of a bull's nose ring.  
It growled, baring it's long sharp teeth, before raising something Ranma hadn't noticed before. A heavy and wicked-looking scythe.  
Yelping, he rolled out from it's slash, then barely dodged again as it swung again. Ranma felt a wall behind him as the huge demonic creature raised it's scythe for a diagonal blow. Desperately, he leapt forward and rolled between the creature's legs. He mule-  
kicked the creature in the back, then gawked as the creature only rocked forward slightly, then spun to face him.  
"Oh shit!" Ranma said, before the horned creature body-checked him.  
Ranma was dimly aware of wood cracking, but he snapped awake when he fell into a pool of water. Sputtering, Ranma-chan pulled herself into a sitting position. The red creature was almost upon her again and her body was almost entirely numb.  
Ranma-chan forced herself onto her hands and knees and scrambled away over a treasure chest of gold, tipping it over in the process. The red creature snarled angrily as Ranma-chan neared a strange triangle formed out of three archways. Her body was no longer tingling all over, so she managed to stand and face the creature again.  
"MOUKO TAKABISHA!" Ranma-chan cried, hoping her ki blast would hurt it. The energy slammed in the creature, driving it backwards, but doing no noticeable damage.  
Her confidence drained as the creature continued to advance at the same pace, not even slowed by her attack. Then, Ranma-chan noticed green energy swirling around her. Hoping against hope that it could do something useful, she managed to gather some and focus it towards the red creature as it raised it's scythe again.  
"Do something useful!" Ranma-chan cried as she closed her eyes.  
A strange sound caused Ranma-chan to open her eyes. Before her was a green little guy with large black eyes. He wore a loincloth, had a sack on his back and a pickax in one hand.  
"What the hell?" Ranma-chan asked, before looking up at the red creature.  
It was staring at the little creature, before raising it's gaze to meet hers. It lowered it's scythe and knelt before her.  
"What the hell?" Ranma-chan repeated.  
"Ah, I see we have a new keeper." came a rich and aged male voice from behind her.  
Ranma-chan turned to see a grey-haired old man wearing a black robe and leaning heavily on a staff standing at the far end of the large room. He looked at Ranma-chan for a few seconds, then smiled, "Welcome keeper"  
"Keeper? My name's Ranma Saotome, not 'Keeper'." Ranma-chan responded.  
"Nonetheless, you've been selected by the Dungeon Heart." the old man said, motioning to the archway.  
"Dungeon Heart?" Ranma-chan asked, looking dubiously at the arches.  
"A focus for magic. With the Dungeon Heart, even someone completely ignorant about magic can use it. You can even use gold to build rooms, create materials for traps and even make servants like that imp." the old man explained motioning to Dungeon Heart and to the little green man, before clearing his throat "But I'm getting off topic. I am Lundar. I served the previous Dungeon Keeper, as did Horniculus or 'Horny' as he prefers to be called"  
"Horniculus?" Ranma-chan inquired.  
"The large red demon on the other side of you. He was a faithful servant to the last Dungeon Keeper." Lundar responded, motioning to the still kneeling red demon.  
"Huh. Anyway, this is real fascinating, but I've gotta get home." Ranma-chan replied.  
"I don't think you fully understand how powerful this Dungeon Heart is. With it, all that you desire can be yours. You could have love, riches, almost nothing is beyond your grasp." Lundar explained.  
"Real nice, like I said, but I've got a home to go back to..." Ranma-chan began.  
Lundar was surprised. Usually the promise of power was inviting,  
but this young girl seemed to ignore that completely. Still, the Heart had selected her, so she must be worthy. He had to keep her here until he could persuade her to use the Dungeon Heart. Then, he noticed a foreign magic about her aura. It was if she was cast out of her home plane. Which meant, he could use that as a lever.  
"But you are not of this world. I can sense that. Someone has banished you here." Lundar murmurred.  
"So how do I get back?" Ranma-chan inquired. Magic and it's rules weren't really her strong point. All she really knew was that you beat up demons and left spells to wizards and priests.  
"Hmm, we might be able to return you to your rightful home if we were to get the twenty Portal Gems of this land..." Lundar began, considering the options, "But the King has his Dukes and Barons guarding them. They will likely hear nothing of giving them up. You would have to persuade them through physical force"  
"That's no problem." Ranma-chan huffed, "I'm a skilled martial artist. I might not be able to take down Horny, but I can handle myself against some rich dude"  
"And what of their armies? The dukes and barons of this land themselves might be fat and unskilled, but their men are likely to be in prime fighting shape and they will be able to sense that you are a threat to their lords." Lundar replied.  
Ranma-chan wilted. Even she knew that mass fighting meant ten to fifty, maybe even a hundred guys if they were unskilled. But armies? Alone? Not even Ranma could manage that. Not unless she manage to lure them into an enormous spiral, which was out of the question.  
Lundar, on the other hand, was managed to hide his glee. It was time to bring forth a point that would reactivate the Dungeon Heart from it's fading power and return it to it's proud days of glory.  
"Fear not, Dungeon Keeper. While you may not have the power yourself to get them alone, with this Dungeon Heart's aid, we can build a mighty army to seize the Portal Gems for you. And then you can return home." Lundar answered.  
Ranma-chan eyed the old man like one eyed a sleazy car salesman, "You just want to keep me here"  
Lundar hummed, considering whether or not honesty was the best policy, then sighed as he realized that she could destroy him and nodded, "I suppose it is a good motivation towards keeping you here. You see, Horny and I are both tied to the fate of this Dungeon Heart. While we cannot access it's power, we are alive so long as it exists. And the king of this land would be glad to see it and others like it gone forever. It is selfish, but I am not eager to die until I have had the chance to see a new keeper rise with this Dungeon Heart. On top of that, Keeper, if this Dungeon Heart is destroyed, you shall be banished from this land into one at random. At least here, you stand a fair chance of getting home"  
Ranma-chan gazed at the old man. A straightforward and honest answer. Ranma Saotome had finally gotten a straightforward and honest answer for the first time in a long time concerning anything important.  
No hidden motives, no lying about the 'true purpose', no "surprise, now that you've done that foolish thing, I was only using you.  
Okay, the old man did want to use her, but only to survive. And if she were banished, who knew what sort of place she could wind up in.  
She may never get home.  
"But I was not joking. The portal gems can allow great masses, such as this entire Dungeon Heart and all of it's inhabitants, to transport over continents. I'm sure with some research and all twenty, we could easily send you home. That is why the king and his men would not let us have them." Lundar explained.  
Ranma-chan sighed as she realized Lundar was right about the king not wanting him to have the gems, "Because the wielder could just as easily teleport an army into the king's castle"  
One of Ranma's friends would've been surprised to see Ranma reached that conclusion so easily. In truth, Ranma Saotome was a very brilliant person, but his intellect had been squandered growing up with Genma, as he'd focused on the physical rather than the mental. Still, Ranma's mind had shown it's prowess in the past, especially when it came to learning new techniques. He didn't do well in school because he was simply not motivated or interested to learn. Rote memorization rarely enticed learning.  
Lunder nodded, "Indeed, save for the fact that one portal gem can stop the advance of another from entering within a certain radius.  
The King seeks to corner off all of the Dungeon Hearts and destroy them so that he and his kingdom do not have to fear any attack. But hark, not all of them are as noble-hearted as the king hopes. Many abuse the power of their portal gems to find veins of gold and fill their own pockets"  
Ranma-chan frowned, a stray thought of Nabiki rose, but even Nabiki would at least honor a contract to the letter, "Using something entrusted to them for something as trivial as money? That's despicable." She tried not to think of her father when she said that, but it was very difficult to do so.  
"In any case, keeper, we need to get you an army. But to do that, we have much to gather and prepare. You can create four imps with no trouble at all. They require no food, water or rest as they are creations of pure magic. They will clear paths, dig through rock, and reinforce walls." Lundar continued, motioning to the little green bug-eyed creature that stood near Ranma-chan.  
"Horny, why don't you wait outside while I continue to teach our apprentice dungeon keeper how to do things?" Lundar suggested, knowing that the Horned Reaper was probably growing bored with all the talk. Horny's favorite place was in the battlefield.  
Horny nodded, rose to his feet and turned towards the door. He paused and glanced at Ranma-chan briefly, before heading for the door and exiting.  
"What was THAT about?" Ranma-chan inquired.  
"Horny does not yet see your potential. I think he's decided to see how well you do at being a Dungeon Keeper before allowing you to control him." Lundar explained.  
Ranma-chan nodded, "I think I understand. After all, I'm probably not even close to what he expected of his next Keeper"  
"Then you've already decided? That's wonderful news, keeper." Lundar commented.  
"Well, I ain't getting back without this thing's help, so I guess so." Ranma-chan responded with a helpless shrug.  
"Our first opponent will be Lord Antonius. He's the nearest to us." Lundar began, "First, we'll need some more imps. The Dungeon Heart can sustain four with no drain. After that, you'll have to expand your territory and claim Mana Vaults"  
"Duh?" Ranma-chan inquired.  
"I see..." Lundar sighed, "In order to cast spells, create and maintain imps or certain magical traps, you need mana. You can get mana by expanding the amount of territory you own by having your imps claim paths, the land will replenish it in time. Mana Vaults are points of magic that give whomever claim them a hundred times more mana than simple land does"  
Ranma-chan nodded in understanding before Lundar continued, "You can tell your imps where to dig by using the Dungeon Heart's mapping magic"  
Lundar motioned to one of the archways, where a small map showing the Dungeon Heart and a few small rooms with red dots in the floor appeared in midair, "That will show you all of the land that you've claimed or has been seen by one of your minions. It will also show you solid rock when you are near it. Solid rock is something which your imps cannot dig through. It will also show seams of gold or gems, which your imps can sense"  
"The first thing you want to do is select an area and build a lair for your minions, then a hatchery to feed them." Lundar explained.  
"Okay, how do I do that?" Ranma-chan inquired.  
"First, make three more imps, then imagine the approximate area you want dug out. Lairs should be at least fifty feet by thirty feet, while hatcheries should be thirty feet by thirty feet. I'll teach you how to create rooms once they're done." Lundar answered.  
Ranma-chan gathered the green 'mana' energy and imagined three more guys like the imp she'd already made. The three imagined imps appeared in the real world. She glanced at the map and imagined two rooms, fairly close together. She had no real experience with imagining specific sizes, so she hoped her imps knew what she expected.  
Like happy children to a playground, the imps leapt towards the nearest wall and began picking away at it. In a matter of minutes, the four imps returned, chittering happily. Ranma-chan and Lundar approached the doorway and saw an expansive room that was about the exact size Lundar had requested, with another doorway leading to shorter but no less wide room.  
"Excellent work, keeper. These rooms will do nicely. Let's return to the Dungeon Heart and I'll show you how to make the lair and hatchery." Lundar said.

An hour later, Ranma was exhuasted. He'd figured out how to make a lair, a treasury, and a hatchery. He'd learned some of the more interesting aspects of mana, such as casting "Create Imp", and that boiling some water was easy.  
On top of that, he'd found a minor portal, which allowed creatures to enter his realm. Goblins were already gathering in a healthy supply. Goblins looked like taller and stupider looking imps, but they wore leather armor and carried swords, which were much better to fight with.  
Ranma sat on one of the stairs inside his Dungeon Heart, trying to deal with the new sensation of exhuast. When he was physically or spiritually burned out, it felt like he was tired physically or he had little strength. Being magically tired felt like his brain was scattered and was slowly gathering back together.  
"Ah, I see you've found a magical item." Lundar hummed as he watched the screen.  
Ranma blinked and looked at the area he'd sent his imps.  
"That's a magical item?" Ranma inquired, staring at the strange rune-covered stone box that appeared on his magical map.  
"Yes, a special item that can increase the physical attributes of your minions. I suggest you use it and then send your goblins to kill Lord Antonius." Lundar explained.  
"You know, I don't like all this 'killing' stuff." Ranma noted, recalling how his goblins had killed those two short guys... dwarves from Lundar's explanation.  
"In due time, we can afford to take prisoners, but not until you've gained more experience, keeper." Lundar responded.  
Ranma sighed in agreement. He knew nothing of imprisonment, the whole thing about creating shapes mentally to create magical areas that simulated a specific task was enough of a headache, and he didn't have the man, er, creature-power to waste guarding a bunch of guys who would likely die trying to break out anyway.  
I'd really rather not, but... the longer I'm here, the longer it'll take to get back home. Ranma thought to himself. He didn't like that particular line of justification. It felt like the sort an assassin or hired killer would use, before another voice spoke up, And the more people who'll have to get hurt. The short path saves the most people from suffering. We can make it up later  
The voice didn't seem like his, but Ranma had to agree with it. The lord was surely going to be getting more followers soon, and that meant more people would have to die just so he could go home.  
Ranma flexed his will to activate the magic item, then ordered his imps to mine out the last section of rock while his goblins stood ready to fight, never really feeling the final action of the Dungeon Heart's last long dead keeper...

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Lord Antonius is dead. Next up is Lord Darius.  
Can Ranma defeat an opponent who has more than two servants without actually being on the battlefield?

What the point of being evil if you don't have a lot of ways to cheat.  
Easy Cheat: Crank up all your creatures to Level 10 by pressing CTRL+ALT+C at the same time, then typing in "feelspace barthespace barpower" and you'll be knocking enemies dead and destroying traps in one hit. The sound on a door creaking is supposed to accompany this, but it didn't for me. Instead, you'll know if it's working if the screen zips over to your Dungeon Heart, then (if you've claimed any)  
to the nearest portal. This cheat also doesn't work on the first level on Campaign mode, but you shouldn't need it anyway.  
To make sure it worked, if no creatures are present on screen, check a creature that you know can't be 10th level, like an imp, and if his level reads 10, then it's worked. This trick is excellent if you don't want to waste time/space/money building a larger training room for your creatures as creatures over Level 4 don't need a training room.  
If creatures are on the screen, you'll see a burst of color surround them temporarily. This only works on creatures you have when you use this trick. If you get skeletons or other creatures afterwards, they'll start at level 1. You can repeat this trick as many times as you want, but it will only benefit your new monsters.  
Message boxes might start coming up blank (even if the voice actor reads just fine). To fix this, simply enter the Save option menu in the bottom left-hand corner, then click "Continue" to return to the game.

Next Cheat: Get all the rooms and max out your money! 


	2. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 2

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Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 02: The Hunt Begins By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

Lord Antonius was dead. It felt strange to Ranma. The deaths of the dwarves had unnerved him, but the death of Antonius, one he himself had commanded, didn't feel as unnerving.  
In fact, Ranma was almost pleased with it, which made him a bit nauseaous. He'd been ignoring the deaths of the dwarves as they had been accidental. It wasn't Ranma's fault that his goblins had reacted instinctively to their age-old enemies. But Antonius was someone Ranma had personally commanded the death of. It should have been significantly more disturbing, yet it wasn't.  
With it's primary guardian dead, Horny had retrieved the first Portal Gem without any trouble. When it was brought back to Ranma, he was surprised to see such a large gem. It was easily bigger than even Horny's head and was shaped like a spinning top, only with more edges. Ranma was also surprised to find out that it was light. Almost as light as a pillow.  
"With this gem, you will be able to detect the presense and location of other portal gems." Lundar stated.  
Ranma quirked an eyebrow, "How do I do that"  
"You need but close your eyes and focus on the gem's power." Lundar explained.  
Ranma nodded. He closed his eyes and almost instantly could feel the energy around the portal gem. As he got a feel for the energy, he began sensing other gems. At least five were nearby. "The nearest portal gem is... THERE"  
The Dungeon Map flickered and changed to show a man in armor similar to Lord Antonius pacing around a room with dwarves fooling him.  
"That is Lord Darius. Unlike Antonius, he will keep more warriors with him. But, while his dwarves are numerous, we simply need magic on our side to win. To this end, I believe it's time to show you how to make a few more rooms." Lundar explained.  
Ranma nodded in agreement. It was the short path. The short path hurt the fewest people. Ranma struggled to keep those words firmly in mind. He wasn't picking on the weak or defenseless, he was fighting the strong and the well-defended.

Lundar was a good teacher. He knew not to fill someone's head with knowledge before they had time to fully digest it. With only five room patterns and two spells his first three days as a keeper, Ranma was learning fast enough, but Lundar wanted to make sure the boy had a lot of time to fully incorporate the information.  
Ranma was getting used to a lot of things. Killing mostly. He still didn't like it, but he knew it was him or them and he was selfish enough, with the help of his mantra, to say 'me.  
Ranma was also getting used to his new room. Back home, his room consisted of a mattress, a blanket, a pillow, a closet and a window. Here, his bed alone consisted of what Lundar teasingly called a "Keeper"-sized bed, which was one and a half times longer and two times wider than a king-sized. It had luxurious silk sheets, silk-  
covered pillows and various top blankets for the seasons. The blanket on top of it all at the current momment was, as was to be expected, a silk blanket.  
On the left side of the room was a large liquor cabinet with numerous glasses in a cabinet just next to it. On the right was a large bath with a small privacy screen. And on the right side of the wall that the bed rested against was a closet. Ranma had already checked out the closest. Numerous bedroom robes, everyday outfits and,  
oddly enough, accessories like armor and capes.  
Ranma sighed. He was getting closer to his final goal, but how much would he change while trying to get home? Ranma Saotome didn't lose, after all. Not at fighting. And there would be a lot of fighting.

Ranma puzzled over the explanation a bit before responding, "So, basically, what you're saying is that I create a temporary magical manifestation of a Dungeon Heart near there"  
"Yes. The Dungeon Heart can spread temporary versions of itself into any land with the aid of a portal gem, like how a vein branches or a spider making it's web larger." Lundar explained, before frowning, "The only problem is that if that temporary Dungeon Heart is destroyed, the backlash will prevent you, your magic and your imps from entering that area again, which is why you must protect the temporary Dungeon Hearts as though they were the real thing"  
Lundar continued, "Thankfully, once you've conquered an area, you can remove that temporary Dungeon Heart. But, the magic that you can wield through a temporary Dungeon Heart will be quite limited until your imps can begin filling that area with your mana"  
Ranma considered that. It was risky to threaten the Dungeon Heart at all, but as Lunder explained, it was the only way to begin and he could always remove them when they were done.  
"Well, I guess we'll just have to build fast." Ranma noted.  
Lundar nodded in agreement, before speaking up, "I did some scrying the previous night to find out more about Darius. He has roughly fifteen dwarves with him in his fort"  
"Fort? This guy's got a fort?" Ranma inquired.  
"Most of the opponents we will be fighting will have one. You see, the king of this land ambitiously started a project with the dwarves to seal an alliance. The dwarves would be paid to build forts,  
tunnels and traps so that the king's men could seek out and destroy Dungeon Hearts"  
"Really? Geez, how many Dungeon Hearts are there?" Ranma inquired.  
"I do not know for certain, but I know the king's men have already destroyed five Dungeon Hearts in this land." Lundar responded.  
"What's the king got against these things? I mean, you'd think he'd be trying to kill the keepers and take these things for himself"  
Ranma asked.  
"I believe it's the fear of anyone, even someone loyal to him, using a Dungeon Heart to rise up against him." Lundar answered.  
"Well, I guess that's reasonable, since that's what we're doing." Ranma commented.  
"Indeed." Lundar responded.

Lord Darius frowned at the news, "Lord Antonius is dead"  
The thief nodded, "I went to meet him two days ago for a biweekly report on the construction of his new fort and I found his corpse in the foundational area of his keep. I hurried here to inform you immediately"  
"He wasn't a very intelligent man, but his skills as a fighter... Thank you, Loxias, for bringing us this information. Return to Lord Ludwig and report to him as well. Tell him we should all be on guard." Lord Darius commanded.  
"Aye, sir." Loxias the thief responded, before turning and exiting the room.  
Lord Darius estimated Antonius to be as powerful as himself. The very idea that Antonius could be slain was disturbing to say the least.  
He had best check on his men in the basement.

Bagor was a Goblin. In almost any evil army, you'd find a goblin or eight hundred. They were there because they were the second best expendable creature available. Barring skeletons, they were the best expendable creature available because they asked for so little.  
Most goblins simply didn't want much. Other than a place to rest and some food, there was little that could make a goblin happier. The more ambitious ones eeked out some cash, but that was usually to go to a casino and have fun or to buy more food.  
Now, because of their lifestyle, most people thought of goblins as stupid creatures that were likely imps that had been on a stretching rack too long. That couldn't be further from the truth. For one thing, imps had much bigger eyes. Two, goblins needed food and rest, imps didn't.  
As for the stupid part, all creatures could be intelligent with enough effort. Goblins, too, could be remarkably genius-like... for their own kind. Most goblins didn't like having to think about too much outside of fighting.  
Which was why Bagor, three of his kin and eight warlocks were currently fighting several dwarves. Dwarves were stouter than goblins and reasonably tough to beat in equal fights, but their skill was far below that of Bagor's or any of his kin's. Not to mention, the homing spells that the warlocks hurled their way was giving the dwarves a world of hurt.  
Bagor's sword found the dwarf's wrist, forcing the hairy man to drop his axe. A swift swing later, the dwarf's neck was wrapped around Bagor's blade. Bagor drew his sword out and turned to see all but one dwarf was down and that one was scrambling away.  
Bagor was still fresh, but his kin were badly injured, having fared most of the brunt. With a nod toward the end of the cavern that they came from, Bagor sent them back to their home as he and the warlocks prepared to send the last dwarf to the afterworld.  
Bagor heard two sounds enter the cavern. One was the sound of Ranma and four more goblins approaching from behind and the other was of steel boots from the other entrance. No doubt a knight or more heavily armored dwarves.  
The two groups entered the room simultaneously. Lord Darius and six more dwarves glared at Ranma, the warlocks, Bagor and the other goblins. The sentiment was returned.  
"You must be Darius." Ranma commented as he and the four goblins reached Bagor's forward position.  
"And you must be the one who slew Antonius." Darius responded.  
"That'd be me, Ranma Saotome." Ranma replied arrogantly, "Got his Portal Gem too. And soon, I'll have yours"  
"Bah! You have no chance of beating me!" Darius snorted derisively.  
"PSH! You are the only actual fighter in your group. My guys can handle them no problem. You, on the other hand, are going to be fighting me." Ranma answered.  
Darius was taken aback by the brash attitude of this young boy. Ranma radiated with magic in the manner of a Dungeon Keeper. However, unlike most keepers, Ranma stood confidently, despite being unarmed and in an area that his imps had not yet claimed, so he couldn't possibly be planning to use a Thunderbolt. Darius didn't like it, but seeing Ranma's abilities would reveal if he truly was the one responsible for Antonius' death.  
"Very well. It's practically unheard of to see a Keeper away from his Heart, but if you insist on facing me in combat, than I shall oblige." Darius responded, drawing his sword.  
Darius charged at Ranma and swung his sword to slice the arrogant boy in half, only to watch as Ranma blurred and vanished like a puff of smoke. Darius blinked, then realized his sword felt a bit heavier than normal. Turning his head, he stared in disbelief as he saw Ranma perched on the flat of his blade.  
The next thing Darius knew, he was on the ground with a ringing headache and his helmet was in the water nearby. Lord Darius was completely baffled. He'd seen both mages and fast fighters in the past, but he'd never seen either group do what Ranma had just done.  
Rising from the floor as his head cleared, Darius glared at Ranma with the promise of pain in his eyes. He raised his sword high and slashed downward at Ranma.  
This time, Darius saw Ranma's reaction, but he was far too slow to do anything about it. Ranma slid to the side, spun and kicked Darius in the chin, sending the lord flying backwards to land in the water. A clank of metal informed Darius that he'd landed near his lost helmet.  
Darius pulled himself out of the water. He was in serious pain and he was feeling tired, despite the fact that he hadn't really done much in the fight. He shakily got to his feet and tried to lock upon Ranma's form. Both a vertical slash and a horizontal slash had failed to come within even inches of Ranma, but Darius wasn't ready to give up just yet.  
"Hey, Darius. No need to fight to the death. Just hand over the portal gem and we're gone." Ranma offered, a look of honesty on his face.  
Darius snarled at that thought, "NEVER! That gem was entrusted to me and I shall not give it up to anyone save for my lord who charged me with its protection from such foul villains as you"  
He charged again and thrust his sword towards Ranma, keeping the sharp ends vertical so that Ranma couldn't simply hop onto the blade. To Darius, it was the fastest attack he could have ever mustered. To Ranma, it was as fast as one of Kunou's Tenbetsu Dan (1) slashes.  
Unfortunately for Darius, it'd been over a year since Kunou had first tried that on Ranma and it hadn't come close to Ranma the first time. After the Amiguriken (2) and Umisenken (3) training, there was no way in heck that a move that slow could ever touch Ranma unless he was seriously distracted.  
Ranma sighed. It seemed Lundar was right. When it came to making deals or surrendering, King Reginald's lords were nearly unshakable. That meant, of course, that Ranma was going to be forced to kill Darius. He landed behind the still recovering lord and dashed forward.  
"WELCOME GATE IRON FINGERS!" Ranma called, slamming his left hand into Darius' back, peeling through the armor as if it was tissue paper. Darius twitched, then, as Ranma removed his bloodstained hand,  
slumped to his knees, before falling flat on his face.  
Ranma looked at his hand, struggling with himself. Clenching that fist, Ranma took a deep breath and released it. He was set on his path now. He knelt and washed the blood off his hand, using some mana to make sure that he didn't change genders.  
"Let's see what Darius' keep has." Ranma said as he stood up, trying to keep his bile down and his composure firm. He was feeling a bit ill and shaken, but to his inward dismay, he seemed to be getting over it well.  
Perhaps, too well. It was like there was something in his heart keeping him from seeing it as much of an event. He was giving it about as much thought as he did watching someone die in a gross fashion in a horror movie.  
Still, he wasn't going to bog himself down with it. Bagor nodded and followed Ranma up into Darius' keep, followed by the other goblins and the warlocks.

Darius' fort was fully constructed, which was a surprise to Ranma. He figured most of the forts would still be under construction.  
Of course, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. With a fort, he could train more efficiently and in open air, allowing him to teach some, but definitely not all, of the Saotome techniques. It was also a better spot for his main Dungeon Heart.  
"EEEEEEEKKKK"  
Of course, there were still occupants of the fort to deal with. Ranma hurried towards the noise and found himself in a large kitchen. On one end were Bagor and the other goblins, while at the other were the terrified chefs and maids. Bagor and company looked just as rattled as the fort's remaining staff.  
Ranma decided that he had to defuse this situation and put the kitchen staff in their place while making sure no one felt that their intellect was being insulted. Luckily, Ranma had been working on an "Anything Goes Debate Team" style for school at Ms. Hinako's request, so he was better prepared at getting his point across than he might have been.  
"Okay, calm down everyone. I'm Ranma Saotome, this fort's new master." Ranma began, waiting to make sure that the kitchen staff was focused on him before continuing, "These are my goblins. Don't aggravate them too much and they won't bother you"  
One maid timidly inquired, "Do we have to have sex with them"  
Ranma shook his head, "Not unless you want to. Besides, they're probably not interested in human women"  
That seemed to relieve almost all of the maids considerably.  
Ranma turned to the goblins, "Bagor, why don't you and the others secure the gates? I'm sure I'll be done calming them by meal time"  
The goblins nodded eagerly and exited the room, still rattled.  
"Now, I'm sure all of you are probably worried about what sort of conditions you'll be working under now that I'm in charge. Well, the truth is, I'm going to give you two options." Ranma explained, "If you agree to work for us and don't too complain about the appearances of my minions, you'll continue to get fair treatment, food, money and you may either keep your lodgings or ask for slightly better ones. If you don't agree, then you can simply leave. However, since we are on a conquest of most of this kingdom, so you might not be able to find many quiet places without us somewhere in the vicinity"  
One of the younger chefs spoke up, "Are they picky eaters"  
"No. So long as it's not poisonous or alive, they'll eat pretty much any normal food." Ranma replied.  
"Can we have some time to think it over?" the chef inquired.  
"Certainly." Ranma answered, before creating two new imps, "You two stand guard here. If they've got an answer, one of you come and get me. If they grab anything sharp before I come back, both of you come and get me"  
The two newly created imps nodded. Ranma was so glad that they had such perfect tracking instincts. They could find him in a desert during a sandstorm.  
Confident that he'd given a reasonable deal, Ranma exited the kitchen to continue surveying his new fort.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Next time, Ranma admits to having a dislike for killing and Lundar teaches him a way that they could deal with most of their opponents without killing them, but this attracts the attention someone who wants to get into the new Dungeon Keeper's pants in a very literal sense!  
Also, Ranma's campaign is going exceedingly well. So why does he have such heavy concerns?

(1) - This was what I've heard Kunou's hyper-thrusting technique from the early Ranma 1/2 anime was called (the one he used to crack that statue after hearing Ranma and the pigtailed girl were 'of one mind and body'). I think the Ranma 1/2 fighting games list it as that too.

(2) - The Kachuu Teshin Amiguriken, unlike how newbies may understand it, was simply a training exercise to increase one's speed, not actually a fighting technique. As you'll note, Cologne never called it out and Shampoo, who's probably undergone the Bakusai Tenketsu and Kachuu Tenshin Amiguriken (remember how fast she was against Akane?) doesn't either.

(3) - Introduced later in the manga, this fighting style is based in sneaky thievery. It SEEMS like mostly parlor tricks, but that hides the crafty and subtle maneuvering. Using it, one can make oneself invisible to the naked eye, conceal great quantities of mass, and deflect even explosions. Unfortunately, it's not so great for offense.  
In fact, only someone trained in locating or in the Umisenken could stand a chance of following a user of these techniques. It's more offensive counterpart, the Yamasenken, conversely has little defense and relies entirely on an overwhelming offense. Ranma knows both styles.  
The Welcome Gate Iron Fingers is a manuever for breaking solid iron locks on gates. Against even someone wearing plate armor over chain mail, it's an almost guaranteed lethal maneuver unless the target has sufficient martial training to withstand blows like that.  
Ryouga Hibiki is one of the few people who possibly could take this technique and remain standing and that's saying something.

Easy Cheat: Get access to every room by pressing CTRL+ALT+C at the same time, then type in "thisspace barisspace barmyspace bar church". To find out if it worked, click the building icon. Everything is there. You don't get the money to build them, but you have access to them.  
Easy Cheat: Get max cash by pressing CTRL+ALT+C at the same time,  
then type in "showspace barmespace barthespace barmoney". To find ouy if it worked, look at your money. You will get 100,000 gold.  
This is a lifesaver if you're low on cash near payday and can't find a gold or gem seam.

Next time: All spells and all traps & doors! 


	3. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 3 Edited

-  
Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 03: Cleansweep (Edited)  
By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

Ranma had been practicing using a magical sense that he'd developed. It was similar to how he felt an opponent's ki, only he could distinctly tell the two types of energy apart. Ki was usually sensed in the manor of a flame, with it's heat and light evident, while his magical sense was more of a radar.  
With his warlocks now teaching him spells, albeit slowly at Lundar's request, Ranma's skill at manipulating the Dungeon Hearts was increasing daily. Similarly, all of Ranma's minions were increasing in skill as well, now that Ranma was teaching them the basics of martial arts. Furthermore, Ranma was fairly certain he'd gained the skill to create as many types of rooms as would be required to continue his campaign to get all of the Portal Gems.  
A week later, as twelve female dark elves and four trolls hired into his forces, he struck again.

Lord Avaricious never knew what hit him. Avaricious was now acutely aware of how big of a screw up he was as he lay dying on the floor, several Dark Elven crossbow bolts in his chest, his right hand seared off by the magical discharge of a sentry cannon, and uncounted puncture marks in his once proud armor.  
He'd frittered away the gold the king had given him to build his fort. Avaricious had had an inkling that his habit of gambling would lead to his demise, but he thought that it was going to be as punishment for not finishing even a third of his fort. It had defenses, but it was mostly below ground. One could call his fort "Avaricious' Basement" and one would have a fairly good idea as how far along his fort had been.  
Ranma didn't even believe it was worth holding. But it would be a waste of all of the hard work his new trolls had done to simply abandon the cavern. After all, the sentry cannons and the wooden doors couldn't be moved to a new location. So, the martial artist turned conquerer had the trolls build a secret door that would prevent anyone from discovering their tunnels while Horny retrieved the Portal Gem.

He'd been wrestling with it for a while, close to two weeks now, and despite the unusually calm acceptance he felt from his heart, he couldn't bring himself to accept his mantra anymore. It was time to talk to Lundar about alternatives to simply killing all of his foes. He knew the Lords were likely unwilling to cough up the Portal Gems without dying, but that didn't mean their warriors had to follow them into the afterlife.  
"Lundar, can I talk to you about something?" Ranma inquired.  
"What is it, keeper?" Lundar asked.  
"I've been doing my level best to get used to this sort of 'obstacles are for killing' sort of mentality we've got going on. Isn't there some other way we can... I don't know... not kill them, but not let them rot in a prison?" Ranma requested of his advisor.  
"Well, it would require you to be on hand to make sure they didn't die in the process, but a torture chamber could allow us to convert most of them to our side. After all, not all of these warriors are paid or treated as well as they should be and as the saying goes, 'An ally is better than a corpse'." Lundar commented.  
Ranma winced inwardly. The idea of a torture chamber brought up memories of Kodachi. He figured she, of anyone he knew, would have one. But, as Lundar's saying had pointed out, it was certainly better to make an ally than more dead bodies.  
"It would certainly be better." Ranma answered.  
"Then I'll show you how to create a torture chamber tomorrow, keeper." Lundar replied.  
"Thanks." Ranma responded, feeling as thought a weight, one he never knew had been there, was lifted from his mind.

The torture room was actually a lot more... normal looking than what Ranma expected. From what he'd heard of the European medieval torture chambers, the stuff in his torture room was almost tame. There were two means of restraint. There was the chair and then the wheel-  
shaped racks.  
The chair had two tesla coils extending from the top of the chair, where, as Lundar explained, electricity would flow into the strapped in victim for brief seconds. Lundar had to reassure Ranma that it wasn't lethal, but the reassurance wasn't too convincing.  
The wheel racks worked on disorientation with hot coals underneath. By comparison, the electric chairs sounded almost compassionate. Along the nearest wall, there were plenty of whips, spikes and many other nasty and strange torture devices Ranma couldn't identify.  
"Are you sure no one's died from this stuff?" Ranma asked.  
Lundar considered that, "Well, unless they're very old, very young, or you leave them to die, no one has ever died in a torture room"  
Ranma stared at Lundar, who simply shrugged and replied, "You wanted an honest answer"  
"So, how would we go about torturing people?" Ranma asked.  
"I haven't a clue. That sort of thing is usually best left to a Mistress." Lundar responded.  
"But how can I have a mistress if I'm not even married?" Ranma inquired.  
"You misunderstand, keeper. I was referring to a professional torturer. They're usually women and they're referred to as Mistresses in polite company." Lundar answered.  
"OOOOoooh, gotcha." Ranma nodded in understanding, before asking, "How do we get one"  
"We can send an imp to one of the nearby towns with an advertisement, like we did to recruit the warlocks." Lundar responded.  
Ranma took out a piece of paper and began writing the ad, using one of the reinforced stone walls as a writing surface. He paused as he neared the completion of the ad, "What's fair pay for this kind of work"  
"I'd say 100 gold a month with free food and lodging." Lundar answered.  
"So, a little more gold than a beginner warlock's salary." Ranma commented as he finished the ad.  
"Yes, but it will be worth it to ease your mind, keeper." Lundar told him.  
Ranma agreed that it would be.

The ad hadn't been in the town for more than three hours before Ranma sensed someone entering his fort through one of his portals. Minutes later, Ranma turned from watching the daily training exercises to see an imp escorting a young woman wearing a cloak over to him.  
Ranma almost stared. The woman had slightly shorter hair that was deep red instead of brown, but otherwise Ranma would swear that the woman before him was a more mature Ukyou Kuonji.  
"You're the man asking for a Mistress?" the woman inquired with sweet and sultry voice that, when coupled with the faint scent of cinnamon perfume that Ranma could smell from her, made his pants feel exceedingly tight.  
"Yeah, that's me. I have to warn you that we'll probably have a lot of work for you and any others that sign on." Ranma answered, struggling to keep his voice from cracking and maintain an aura of confidence. Lundar had warned him that if he showed any sign of a weak will before they were hired on, they would probably take every oppurtunity that they could to walk all over him.  
"That's all right. I'm used to HARD labor." the woman teased, obviously noting Ranma's erection. She giggled briefly as Ranma blushed. She extended a hand out from underneath her cloak, "I'm Maidel. I look forward to working with you"  
"Ranma Saotome." Ranma answered, shaking her hand in response. He felt her aura briefly, as Lundar had showed him when he started hiring goblins and warlocks, making sure that she would be loyal to him once she was hired. It'd taken some practice at first, but Ranma could now tell sincerity with a single hand shake. It was one of the few things Ranma hoped he could keep when he returned home.  
As a storm cloud above crackled and boomed to get his attention, Ranma decided to just come out and tell Maidel about his curse, "I should probably warn you right now that I've got a rather unusual spell on me right now. I change into a girl whenever I get splashed with cold water"  
Ranma-chan felt she'd timed that well enough as a sudden downpour began just as she finished that sentence.  
Maidel blinked. If she hadn't seen it, she probably would have asked if Ranma was joking. As it was, she and Ranma-chan hurried into the fort for shelter. That course of action was quicky copied by Ranma's forces.  
Ranma-chan did her level best to wring out her favorite shirt without taking it off, incidentally missing the look Maidel favored her with. Had she seen it, she probably would have complained about having another girl chasing after her.

The next two lords fell just as swiftly and brutally as Avaricious. Lord Ludwig and Lord Constantine had both had much more time to prepare, but they were caught flatfooted as Ranma's forces attacked suddenly and viciously, tearing down the defenses laid out before them.  
Ranma was very pleased to see the death tolls come down from 'everything that moved' to 'the lords and their most loyal warriors'. Sure, Maidel and the other three Mistresses he'd hired (Lotus, Mina and Nausica) were a bit overworked, but he paid and fed them well as their hard work proved very fruitful.  
Apparently, both lords had been in such a panic to build fortifications after hearing of their fellow lords falling that they'd severely cut the pay of their own men. The fact that Ranma was yet to cut a salary was so enticing that nearly every single warrior hauled back to the torture rooms hired on with Ranma.  
Ranma kept silent about the fact that he could sense gold and gem veins whenever his minions were near said sources of money.  
Ranma and Lundar were examining what a loyal firefly had observed in it's travels through Lord Ironhelm's passageways. Said firefly had nearly died in the effort, but a quick recovery and healing spell had kept it from departing to the land of the dead.  
The last thing Ranma wanted was for a creature loyal to him die on a mission, even if it had been a volunteer mission. And furthermore, Ranma's magical map had recorded everything the firefly had seen, making it a successful mission.  
Lundar motioned to some of the sentry cannons lining a few of Ironhelm's underground passageways, "Lord Ironhelm's defenses are much more secure. And unlike Constantine or Ludwig, he has prepared for this eventuality. We'll have to be more cautious in getting rid of him"  
Ranma agreed. With his newest spell, a poorly named "Sight of Evil" (the warlocks explained that spying on one's enemy was considered evil when the spell was named), he'd gathered more information about Ironhelm's patrols inside his fortress. Ironhelm's defenses were much more elaborate and would take a lot more time to break down.  
Even with his forces now including such odorous yet powerful creatures as Bile Demons (he had been understanding and whole-heartedly agreed when his other minions requested that the bile demons have a separate set of lairs), Salamanders, and Skeletons, Ranma knew better than to believe that numbers alone could handle anything.  
"We'll wait until we've got our forces better trained. I still want to get a firm grasp on the powers and natural abilities of our new Salamanders, and we still need to create more efficient team tactics." Ranma answered.  
"I agree, keeper, but we'd best not spend too much time. The more time we spend gathering our strength is more time the enemy has to gather their own." Lundar agreed.  
"Then we'll strike in three days. That should give us enough time to find a good angle for attack and allow us time to train." Ranma declared, before he yawned loudly, "Well, I better hit the sack. We got a lot of work to do tomorrow to set up the next temp Dungeon Heart and get some amenities set up"  
"Good night, keeper. Pleasant dreams." Lundar told Ranma.  
Ranma almost replied in kind before remembering that neither Lundar nor Horny really required sleep unless they had been using a lot of magical energy. Still, it didn't feel right to just leave, so Ranma improvised, "Don't overwork yourself, Lundar. Hate to see you get sick"  
Lundar chuckled, "If that were at all possible, keeper, it would be an impressive virus indeed"  
Ranma smiled and headed back to his new room. His new room used to be Darius' room, but Ranma had commandeered it for two reasons. One, it kept his minions from arguing over who was worthy of it, and two, it made his feel more earthly. In his Keeper-made room, he felt like he was a god or a fantastically wealthy man. Which he was, but he didn't feel like he was.  
And even Ranma Saotome knew that a swelled head usually coincided with a painful lesson.

SCENE DELETED FOR THE POLICE Quick Info: Maidel & Ranma boink.

Ranma was impressed with their progress. With his minions well trained, well paid, fed, organized and highly motivated, he'd crushed Lord Ironhelm and Lord Sigmund both in three days and was beginning his advance once again. His forces had grown in the last few raids and he now had close to a hundred and twenty well trained minions ready for battle.  
His relationship with Maidel had cooled a bit, but they both knew it was because he was busy. But Ranma couldn't help but feel he was pushing her away because of the feelings of betrayl and regret that he had that he'd had sex with someone who wasn't a fiancee.  
Hell, all he really knew about her was that she'd gone into her profession out of disgust of what would have been her future husband had she stayed with her family at the farm she'd grown up on. And that her favorite color was actually blue, she liked men and women equally well and she admitted to having a fondess for violin music.  
Okay, he knew a bit more about her than he did about most of his fiancees. But their relationship was currently sex-based only. He admitted that they had little time for an actual date or anything romantic.  
In truth, it was mostly the little fantasies he'd picked up about how a relationship was supposed to go that were causing him unease. And most of those were influenced by either his moronic father, his over-zealous mother or his oft screwed up attempts at dating one of his fiancees.  
When he'd realized that, he'd chided himself. His relationship with Maidel was going perfectly fine, present situation considered. And besides, he thought to himself, it was nice to be thought of as a participant in the relationship, rather than a prize or a possession.  
"Keeper, I'm impressed with your progress." Lundar spoke up abruptly, snapping Ranma out of his mental wanderings, "But as the saying goes, 'never eat something bigger than your own head"  
"Uh, right. ... what does that mean?" Ranma inquired.  
"That you need to slow down. Otherwise you'll overwork all your creatures." Lundar explained.  
Ranma thought about that. He DID need to slow down. He'd just claimed a third of the continent in roughly a month and a half. Besides that, he needed to do something other than rigorous training to get his mind off Maidel.  
Then, he realized there were towns above ground. Perhaps he should see about improving the towns.

Ranma was almost aghast. Having traveled through the more remote parts of China and Japan, he'd seen some cases of bad roads, run down housing and poor hygiene, but most of the towns in his area of control were like all of the worst examples combined.  
He needed to do something to help those poor people. And he knew just the way to do it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Next time, Ranma finds that another Keeper is after the portal gems. Not only that, but has to fight the forces of the lord still holding the portal gem! It's a three-way royal rumble of battalion proportions!

Easy Cheat: Get access to every spell by pressing CTRL+ALT+C at the same time, then type in "ispace barbelievespace baritsspace barmagic". To find out if it worked, click the spell icon. All the spells should be available.  
Easy Cheat: Get access to every trap and door by pressing CTRL+ALT+C at the same time, then type in "fitspace barthespace bar best". To find out if it worked, click the workshop icon. 

Next time: Remove the Fog of War and 100,000 mana points! 


	4. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 4

-  
Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 04: Threeway By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

His name was Kaleb and he was among the elite when it came to knights. Specifically, Black Knights.  
His order of Black Knights, though admittedly small, was known for it's evil deeds and wholesale slaughter of all that is good, as well as being among the most powerful fighters one could ever find.  
To see a young Keeper, of less than a year in experience with his Dungeon Heart, having already conquered a third of King Reginald's kingdom, was most intriguing. Thus, Kaleb decided to head into the Keeper's land to seek out the dastardly man who'd already conquered a third of the kingdom and continent.  
The first thing Kaleb noticed was the large amount of greenery. Most Keepers hated things peaceful and, as one of Kaleb's former keepers had so eloquently put it, "Nature-like", this was indeed unusual. Then, he noticed a lack of barricades and traps to prevent spies from wandering in.  
The truly distressing part was the severe lack of the fearful and the dead in the keeper's conquered lands. The villages actually seemed more orderly, the streets clean, and both the poor and crime was nigh-  
nonexistant. There were cobblestone roads leading EVERYWHERE in the keeper's towns and villages, not just on the roads that connected to major buildings.  
Imps could be seen scurrying hither and fro, helping the elderly townsfolk and aiding the doctors in fetching items. The people were healthy, fed, clothed and happy. Parents were actually smiling as their children played with the imps.  
Goblins, Guards, Dark Elves and normal Elves were dressed nicely with a red horse emblem on their outfits, the obvious sign of who had their loyalty, patrolled the cities together without protest. Knights and Black Knights wearing the same red emblem alike stood guard near banks and other important places, but they often aided imps in helping the elderly cross the street or picked up groceries. Giants and Salamanders cleared the roads of potential obstructions while Fireflies and Fairies dug up the ground for trees near roads could be moved to.  
At first, Kaleb thought that this was simply some sort of dark magic that the Keeper had cast. Such spells were not unknown and could be cast on fairly large areas. He decided to wait in town to see what happened when the spell ended.  
As the days passed and no sign of any fights breaking out, it became obvious that either the Keeper was cautious and casting the spell repeatedly or he was sincerely working to make sure that no one was left unhappy.  
Kaleb was absolutely thunderstruck when he realized that. A kind and compassionate Keeper? It made some sort of sense, as he watched Wizards and Warlocks work together in the above ground library; while Trolls, Bile Demons and Dwarves forged steel together.  
It was unheard of for such things to be happening, but yet, in front of Kaleb's eyes, was living breathing proof that someone had managed it without the use of mind-controlling magic.  
It was enough to turn an evil man's stomach. Kaleb shook his head in both awe and disgust.(1) In his ten years as a Black Knight of the Unholy Order of AAAAHHHPLEASEDON'TKILLMAAAARRRGGGLLLEEE (AUGH for short), he'd never seen such a horrific sight.  
He mounted his horse and headed back to find another keeper, one more worthy and to Kaleb's liking.

"Keeper, we've discovered a problem." Lundar began.  
"What's that?" Ranma inquired.  
"See for yourself." Lundar said, gesturing to an imp which was held fast by four other imps.  
Ranma looked at restrained imp and frowned instantly.  
"This isn't one of mine." Ranma declared.  
"Indeed. Few imps can last this far from their creators unless..." Lundar began.  
"Unless they're made by another Dungeon Heart?" Ranma hazarded a guess.  
"Indeed." Lundar responded.  
Ranma probbed the unknown imp's mind briefly. There wouldn't be much information, but it would be enough to find out who had made it.  
Ranma spoke aloud, "A Keeper by the name of Dante. He's also after Lord Titus' Portal Gem. That's all it really knows. Kill it"  
One of Ranma's imps buried it's pickax into Dante's imp. It piffled into nothing, leaving behind a brief shower of magical energy.  
"Dante will know of it's demise." Lundar commented.  
"Good. Maybe he'll know better than to take me on." Ranma declared.  
"Sir!" came the voice of the warlock Olan as he hurried into the Dungeon Heart room, "We've made a discovery with the portal gems"  
Ranma's attention snapped to him, "What"  
"It's in the library!" Olan said, motioning his lord forward.  
Ranma teleported himself and Olan to the library. Olan blinked. He hadn't realized Ranma knew Teleport. Olan motioned Ranma over to a table where a small triangular gem lay. It was about the size of two of Ranma's fingernails.  
"When we brought two of the portal gems together, they transformed into this. We conducted some research with the help of our Wizard allies and we found that there's an old legend, which until now was thought only a myth, of a Gate Gem which had the power to send whole continents to any dimension the wielder desires. We figure that the Gate Gem was probably broken up by someone a long time ago and the fragments became what we know as the Portal Gems. The legend ALSO states that there's a point on this continent where the Gate Gem can be used most efficiently." Olan explained.  
"So I can go home..." Ranma murmurred as he stared at the translucent blue stone.  
Home. He had high hopes starting out, but wondered if he could really bring himself to head home now that he had found a niche in a different world. He was happy being Dungeon Keeper Ranma. He was doing good while using something that, as his wizards and knights had explained, was primarily used for evil. Not one of his minions had shown even a trace of disgust or revulsion at the knowledge of his curse (surprise was, of course, almost a definite, but that was something different.  
Children looked up to him. There was no poverty or hunger. All his minions were well fed and happy to work with those they normally despised. In all, he was doing something that no other had managed. And he enjoyed it.  
But then there was that curious statement. A whole continent. Wasn't there supposed to be a lost island of Atlantis somewhere on Earth? Ranma paused as he puzzled that fuzzy bit of knowledge. It was one of those things he learned long enough to pass a test. The Lost Island of Atlantis. Could this continent be it? It was certainly possible. No one knew what had become of it, only that there was enough evidence to say it could have existed. If it went to a different dimension, then that would explain why no one had found it.  
That was all speculation, he reminded himself. And though he felt a lot smarter now that he was teaching and leading, he did not think of himself as intelligent as Lundar or his mages.  
"Continue research on where that point of maximum efficiency is. I'll take this and the other portal gems." Ranma declared, picking up the gem.  
"The other gems are in the corner, kept in separate containers"  
Olan said, motioning to a corner with five metal boxes.  
Ranma nodded and went to fuse the other portal gems into his Gate Gem.

Indeed, Keeper Dante knew of the demise of one of his imps. However, he took it as more of an insult than a warning.  
He turned to a nearby imp, "Gather our forces. We've got to get that Portal Gem"  
Dante fumed. The nerve of someone to kill one of his precious imps! He would amass a mighty force to crush them... if he could only find the money to entice them. Ever since that unknown keeper had begun swallowing up land, more and more monsters were eager to join him than others.  
Only Keeper Nemesis and his family of other Keepers could still regularly entice creatures to their side. And Dante planned to kill them as well, once he got a large enough force.

Lord Titus was not pleased. He'd finally assembled a force to take on that wretch, Keeper Dante, when word came to him that another force was encroaching on his land. Only this one gave Lord Titus a greater reason to worry, for it was the same force that had been literally slaughtering the nearby lords.  
Dante was a small fry, a keeper who'd recently come into being. This other Keeper had yet to be named yet, meaning he was so fearsome that no one had returned from engaging or spying on his troops.  
Lord Titus considered his options well. He had no way of combating two forces at the same time. His men needed rest between battles and if he killed one of the keepers, surely the other would capitalize on his momentary weakness. Defeat or surrender was not an option. Both keepers needed to be driven from the land.  
If only there were a way to fight both keepers at the same time. That would require only a single battle, not to mention the two keepers would likely turn on each other. Lord Titus paused and reflected on that idea. Perhaps there was a way.  
He might be able to turn the two keepers on each other by formally challenging both to a fight in a massive sinkhole nearby. It was roughly the size of a pond and likely would be flooded when rain finally came. Not only that, but it would weaken both forces considerably.  
"Scribe! I have two messages to make!" Lord Titus called.

Ranma stared at the messanger, a knight no less and answered, "Sure, we were going to kick both your sorry asses anyway. Might as well have no doubts about who's the better man. We'll come. And to be fair, we shall only use the same number of fighters as your lord does"  
Goronis the Knight huffed angrily at Ranma's arrogant declaration, but nodded, "Very well, Keeper Ranma. We shall see who has the better warriors when we meet in combat."

Dante received the challenge via one of his imps, who'd found it while expanding his territory. The letter said to leave the response where the challenge was found.  
Dante was all a-titter about the challenge, "Heh, heh, heh! Those fools have given me the perfect opportunity to use my newest acquistions in combat, right Harkon? Carrion"  
The two Dark Angels nodded.  
"We'll crush them before either has the chance to stop us." Dante chuckled.

The three forces gathered from different directions and stopped at the sinkhole's edge. Titus' dwarves had made stone staircases to the arena floor, but the sinkhole was a good ten feet deep and over two hundred feet in diameter. The likelyhood of a trap was minimal.  
"Good sir knight, we bring a mighty force worthy of challenging you, but we be fair in combat. We shall match what you send to fight and no more." Ranma called, speaking in the same formal manner that Goronis had used. No need to insult the enemy when you knew you were going to pound them into paste.  
"We have seventy two warriors, ready to fight and die, and I myself will join, making it seventy three. We also brought extra archers and mages to make sure this contest is true." Titus answered.  
"Very well. You may count our forces as we enter so you know it to be fair." Ranma answered.  
Dante was nervous. He had only had fifty eight fighters in all. Unless he counted himself and his imps. He frowned. He didn't like it, but he had to match their armies. He would just have to have his imps claim lands so he could cast spells to aid his forces.  
"And what say you, Keeper Dante?" Titus called.  
"I send seventy three as well!" Dante responded.  
Ranma turned to his amassed fighters, "Who's up for a brutal and potentially-lethal three-way fight to the finish"  
All hands went up. Ranma hummed. He'd brought over a hundred and fifty warriors, just in case, meaning over half would have to sit it out. He also brought forty imps to haul his wounded away. Ranma decided to select varying fighters from each species. It wouldn't be fair to the others to simply bring in his best.  
However, he had seen Dante had two Dark Angels, which were too much for most of his fighters, save himself and Horny. So, he turned to his large and red companion, "Wanna come"  
Horny grinned. He'd been wanting to pound some heads together for some time. And those Dark Angels would be quite the workout. The three forces (2) soon gathered at the edges of the sinkhole's bottom.  
"What say you, wizards?" Titus asked his men still above the sinkhole.  
"Each matches yours, Lord Titus." Greylle the wizard responded.  
"Very well." Lord Titus said, before pulling out of a large bag the portal gem that both keepers sought, "Whomever wins this battle will be the new owner of this here portal gem"  
Both the keepers glanced at the other just as Lord Titus sent the portal gem into the ground and pushed it into the soil. He stood and called up to Greylle, "Good wizard, yell to commence battle"  
Greylle spoke aloud, "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, four to-FIGHT!"

The battle was not turning out well for anyone, save Ranma's forces, who had an ever-changing frontline. Whenever someone was injured badly, they'd swapped fluidly with someone behind them and bandage their wound.  
Both Dante and Titus' forces basically fought until they dropped,  
the frontlines pushing endlessly against each other. While that worked fine in terms of combat ability, it didn't take advantage of the real laws of war, which said, "Healthy fighters are good, wounded fighters are average to poor, but dead or unconscious fighters are worthless except maybe as a shield against arrows or spells"  
Thus, the swirling offense of Ranma's battalion was steadily tearing their two enemy forces to shreds. Worse, neither side could really defend against the chaotic assault as Ranma would call "BREAK,  
his forces would leap back five feet and duck, allowing their archers and spell casters to open a can of long distance whoop ass on the other two groups, weakening them just as the frontline returned, a lot healthier than the frontlines of the others.  
Dante was beyond panicking. Even having withdrawn his Dark Angels to cast Skeleton Army repeatedly to restrengthen his army, his force had been all but decimated. Only ten skeletons, two warlocks, a dark elf and a mistress were left of his force, and they weren't looking too good. His imps were all dead and without claiming more than a pittance of the battlefield. He could only keep what forces he had healthy and occassionally stun someone in Ranma's frontline, who would be dragged back out of battle by the backline and replaced, much to Dante's annoyance.  
Titus' forces were much larger, but less healthy. They had only two fairies who were capable enough healers to be counted as a 'medical' team. All of the elves and dwarves were unconscious or dead (strangely, most of the ones near Ranma's side seemed to be the former rather than the latter), his giants were frozen by the spells of the mistresses on Ranma's side, and his guards and knights were steadily backing away, hoping the injured fairies and tired wizards would aid them.  
Ranma's forces were all injured, but still much healthier and in larger number than both sides. His mistresses and warlocks knew a lot about healing, as both had to make sure torture victims survived in order to be converted to Ranma's cause.  
Ranma's forces backed away once more and both of his enemies winced and raised their guards in desperate hope that Ranma's spellcasters were as tired as theirs were.  
Ranma spoke, "Hold. There is no need to crush you both at this point. My force is still standing and still numbering over sixty. You two have barely over twenty between you. I propose a much more fair method of ending this battle. Each of you choose two of your strongest fighters, allow them some time to rest and heal. They will face me and Horny in fair combat"  
Titus and Dante hastily considered that. They would be dead if Ranma attacked in full force again, but a two-on-two-on-two match would allow them a minor chance at saving face or possibly even victory, though that was less than likely. They responded in unison, "AGREED"  
Goronis approached Titus, "My lord, allow me to fight by your side"  
Titus glanced at the knight, who's face was covered in sweat, his armor torn in numerous places, and his legs were shaking from exhuast.  
"No, Goronis, you've fought valiantly, but you must rest. Kain and I shall fight." Titus answered, motioning to the equally injured, but less exhuasted royal guard.  
Dante was busy casting his healing spell on his battered and bruised Dark Angels. They were the best he had and the only ones he had left that were willing to continue. He prayed their abilities were great enough to defeat the champions of the others.  
Horny turned to Ranma, "Allow me the Dark Angels. They shall be no match for my might"  
Ranma considered that. He'd seen the Dark Angels casting spells.  
Meanwhile, Titus' guys probably wouldn't send spell casters.  
"All right, but if they turn out to be too strong for you, don't be too stubborn to ask for help. Even if you can't die, you can still get your ass handed to you." Ranma warned.  
Horny smiled. At last, he could pay back an old vendetta that he had against the creatures. He'd faced Harkon before, back when his old keeper was still alive. The Dark Angel had humiliated him back then.  
Horny was definitely going to pay the ugly feathered monstrosity back.  
"Kain, you take on those accursed Dark Angels. I'll try and handle Ranma and his pet demon." Titus told his combat partner.  
"Right." Kain answered, grinning evilly as he readied his lance. He had yet to show off his true skill in this battle, being too worried about hitting the wrong target. However, this sort of combat was what he'd trained for.  
"Carrion, you get rid of those knights. I'll take care of Horny." Harkon said. Carrion nodded in reply.  
"FIGHT!" Greylle commanded.  
Ranma charged for Titus as Kain rushed Carrion, while Horny and Harkon clashed.  
Carrion was not worried as the battered Royal Guard drew near. He had plenty of spells that would get rid of the pest. Just as Carrion was prepared to cast one of his spells, Kain leapt high into the air, much higher than Carrion thought possible in a suit of armor, and thrust his spear through the Dark Angel's body. Carrion screamed in pain, briefly, then lashed out, smacking the guard away. Kain arched an eyebrow as he landed and watched as the creature's wound closed, but not by the healing magic of it's keeper.  
"So it is true. Some Dark Angels are only shells." Kain taunted.  
Carrion snarled and snapped off a firebomb spell. Kain leapt over the attack and jumpkicked the Dark Angel to the ground, before thrusting his lance in the grounded creature again. He pulled his lance out again and stabbed it again and again until the creature stopped healing from the puncture wounds.  
Harkon was dancing nimbly around Horny's scythe, chortling as he did, "Is this all you can do after a hundred years? The same old attacks"  
Harkon summoned his firebomb spell and hurled it at Horny. Horny watched the spell come at him with wide eyes. Harkon grinned in amusement as the spell was about to strike the legendary Horned Reaper,  
when Horny swung his scythe again, this time sending the firebomb back at Harkon. Harkon was so surprised that he caught the spell full in the chest.  
"I see you've improved after all." Harkon commented.  
"Far more than you." Horny answered, leaping at Harkon and spin-  
kicking the arrogant angel to the ground. He stomped on Harkon's wings, burning them and rendering the Dark Angel earthbound until he could heal.  
He picked up the pathetic waste of magical force and raised Harkon to eye level. Horny then set his scythe aside and grinned evilly. Harkon wondered what Horny had in mind as the reaper turned him upside-down with Harkon's head pointed to the ground.  
"PILE DRIVER!" Horny announced with a wide grin on his face as he leapt up into the air, clasped his thighs around Harkon's head and let gravity smash the Dark Angel's skull into the ground.  
Horny laughed as he picked up both his scythe and the dazed Dark Angel. Then his amusement faded and he glared at Harkon.  
"This is for my humiliation." Horny said, before tossing Harkon into the air and quartering the evil angel. Harkon's remains hit the ground and did not heal.  
Titus was astounded. He could tell when his opponents were using magic and Ranma wasn't using magic as he danced around Titus' enchanted sword, all while denting Titus' armor with retalitory punches and kicks.  
No wonder his creatures respected him so greatly as to form an unbeatable force. If the keeper was the BEST warrior in his group, then his warriors would aspire to the same, just like Titus' men. Titus backed away before Ranma could knock him to the ground with a roundhouse kick.  
"I see...why...your...minions...were...so...powerful..." Titus panted out, trying to muster the strength to raise his sword again. Ranma decided to give his opponent time to recover his strength. It wasn't like he was a real threat. Had he wielded two blades, he might have been, but as it was, it was like Titus was using a fly swatter to stop the wind.  
Kain had wasted no time engaging Horny in combat once he'd seen the Reaper quarter the Dark Angel Harkon. The Reaper was very skilled in Kain's expert opinion. It would take many Royal Guards in order to actually beat back the Reaper, Kain realized as he blocked Horny's scythe for the ninth time and felt his arms starting to numb from the sheer impact. Horny's defense was almost as good as his offense, as he was able to dodge Kain's lightning spear thrusts and spinning slashes.  
Horny raised his scythe high and Kain raised his spear to block the impending downward strike, only to catch the metal-studded handle in the faceplate. His helmet ringing from the force in the impact, Kain toppled backwards and landed sprawled on the ground, his spear rolling from his limp hand.  
Horny considered finishing off the royal guard when Titus spoke up, "Stop! Please"  
Horny lowered his scythe.  
Titus addressed Ranma, "I must admit that you are superior in power, Keeper Ranma. In numbers, magic, power and skill. We cannot defeat you in equal combat. Indeed, I doubt that even a force five times larger than yours could stand against you"  
"You're wise to give up, considering I've yet to be nicked." Ranma answered.  
Titus nodded, then retrieved the portal gem, "A battle well fought, Ranma. I shall not stand in your way of getting the portal gem." Titus added mentally, Because you would slaughter me like a chicken in a prison full of the starving  
Ranma took the portal gem, "Good, I don't like senseless slaughter"  
Titus arched an eyebrow at that, "But tell me, what are you gathering the gems for"  
"I was banished here by an evil old man. The gems are the only chance I have of getting home." Ranma answered.  
"I see. So that is the reason you've chosen this path." Titus replied, before sighing, "I realize now the predicament you are in. I shall return to my king and see if perhaps there is another way to end this needless conflict"  
With that, Titus turned and motioned to his mages. Titus' men teleported away. Ranma turned to see Dante had long since run away. He sighed. There was still work to be done.  
"Come on, Horny, we've got to destroy Dante before he can launch a sneak attack." Ranma said.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

(1) So, basically, awesome disgust.

(2) Just in case you were wondering what the compositions were, here they are:  
Dante's Forces: Dante, 14 Imps, 15 Goblins, 13 Warlocks, 2 Mistresses, 8 Trolls, 4 Bile Demons, 8 Dark Elves, 1 Rogue, 2 Dark Angels Lord Titus' Forces: Titus, 16 Dwarves, 6 Giants, 16 Elves, 8 Knights, 10 Guards, 10 Wizards, 5 Fairies, 1 Royal Guard Ranma's Forces: Ranma, Horny, 10 Goblins, 10 Dwarves, 5 Giants, 5 Bile Demons, 5 Dark Elves, 4 Elves, 4 Knights, 4 Black Knights, 4 Fairies, 1 Firefly, 4 Guards, 3 Trolls, 5 Mistresses, 2 Rogues

Yes, I know Keeper Dante died before the level started. EMASCULATING WEASELS, GIVE ME MY FREEDOM! I also know that Harkon and Carrion are two keepers that are trying to claim the Temple of the Dark Angels that appear later in the game, not actually Dark Angels, but I've replaced those keepers . Their defeats were also calculated truth (a Royal Guard versus a Dark Angel results in victory for whoever hits first. As for Horny? He's called the Reaper for a reason. ). And for those who've played it, the Gate Gem is indeed the gem that was shown at the start of DK2. As for the Wizard, Greylle, I chose that name because it sounds Wizardly.

Next time, Ranma continues his quest to claim the portal gems, but it seems there are other keepers seeking the portal gems, just like Dante. As they've already claimed a few portal gems from the weaker lords, Ranma must wrest the portal gems from them and slay them.

Easy Cheat: Remove that annoying Fog of War by pressing CTRL+ALT+C at the same time, then type in "thespace barrainspace barhasspace bargone". To find out if it worked, look at any area that doesn't have a creature in it. It'll show the room just fine. This is great if you're really getting annoyed at the dark parts of the map.  
Easy Cheat: Get 100,000 mana by pressing CTRL+ALT+C at the same time, then type in "haspace barhaspace barthisawayspace barha space barhaspace barthataway". To find out if it worked, just look at your mana reserve. This is a great way to keep Horny active.

Next time: Finish the level, how to keep your creatures alive and the levels to find the hidden lands! 


	5. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 5

-  
Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 05: Captured By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

There were few creatures referred to as the Elite. In fact, one could usually name an elite creature, if one tried. However, the elites could not be enticed to join just ANYONE so easily. It took more than raw cash.  
It took a personalized room, special attention to their ELITE standing (meaning much higher pay for doing equal work) and many other annoying things. In all, it was like having an uptight and arrogant asshole of an employee who knew they were better than everything you had and took more than full advantage of it.  
Take for instance, the reknowned dark knight, Kaleb; the King of rogues, Gervaise; the Duke of vampires, Kessler van Doom; and the Skeleton Lord, Bane.  
Most keepers usually got annoyed as all hell with theirs and either fired them or sent them the most dangerous missions they could get to justify their expense. Elites knew this usually came, and either never came back or managed to finish the mission, then demanded triple their normal inflated salary because of the danger involved.  
This lead to them being fired quite often.  
There were some elites that weren't arrogant, just demanding. These elites were more often tolerated, but not often.  
Take, for instance, the master warlock, Almeric. He was a genius when it came to tactical movements and had directed many successful attacks. Unfortunately, his daily cost of 1,000 gold was a bit expensive. He was usually hired on for an important battle. It saved the average keeper quite a bit on daily expenses, but the cost of 9,800 gold for a one time fee was almost as painful.  
There was the great goblin fighter, Grubb, who wanted a large room and his own food supply. The elite troll Knud and the elite Bile Demon Bloz were reknowned for their smithing talents, but Knud wanted his own workshop and room and Bloz wanted a ton of food (even for Bile Demons.  
And then, there were the elites who allowed some negotiation in their fees.  
The salamander, Furnace, had to have his own training room and lair, but he lessened his fee if his lair was near a lava flow. The mistress, Dominique, desired her own torture chamber and her choice of prisoners to 'keep'. If no questions were asked, her fee was fairly low.  
The dark elf, Zenobia, enjoyed training while on the job. If her demands were met, she was more than just a good guard. She'd slaughtered many thieves and rogues trying to sneak past her.  
Indeed, for all of the trouble one had in keeping them happy, an elite could be well worth the expense to entice them. They never questioned one's mission, so long as they were sufficiently well off.

Ranma considered the dark elf before him. He'd heard of Zenobia, the only dark elf who had long luscious black hair, keen eyesight, and a desire for combat that was said to rival that of a dark knight or dark angel.  
"I see..." Ranma commented. He couldn't see why, though.  
The idea of a dark elf wanting to join his ranks wasn't anywhere near insane. Her price was, for the most part, reasonable, and he couldn't, for the life of him, think of a reason not to hire her. After all, her fee was only slightly more than the usual. And her reputation proceeded her.  
But as far as Ranma had heard, elites didn't usually come and request employment. They usually had to be contacted with an offer, and if they were already employed, the offer had to be better than their current employment.  
Ranma decided to shrug it off. He had more than a fair number of recruits these days, what with the steady advancement of his army, and the concept that he'd enticed an elite to join him through his own reputation was reasonable enough.  
"Very well. I agree to your terms. I'll have a guard post made with your specifications by tomorrow." Ranma answered.  
Zenobia smiled, "It will be a pleasure to work for you, Keeper Ranma. I know it will be"  
Ranma watched her leave with a bit of confusion, but he chose to ignored it.  
"Now, the next portal gem..." Ranma murmurred, fingering the half-completed gate gem that he kept in an extra-dimensional pocket.  
"There are four rival keepers this time, Keeper. One of them has the portal gem, so we will have to crush all of them." Lundar explained.  
Ranma frowned slightly, "I suppose we will. Prepare an invasion group. We're going to make this swift and painful."

Princess Mina was outraged. Lord Titus had sent word of his defeat at the hands of Ranma's growing forces, and of Ranma's request for peace in exchange for the remaining portal gems. And she could see from her family's reactions, they were equally angry. Her three brothers clenched their swords, her two sisters looked indignant and her father... his expression was that of pure fury.  
"The very nerve of this keeper 'Ranma'! To ask for the most sacred artifacts in this land as if they were mere baubles! Contact our remaining lords and tell them to increase their numbers immediately! We'll crush this fool while the kingdom is still salvageable!" King Reginald ordered.  
"Yes, my liege!" the messenger responded.  
The warrior king motioned to his entire court, "Leave me be! I need time to calm down"  
As soon as the door closed behind his third son, Reginald's angry face became one of depression. He knew his forces were no longer strong enough. When he'd strode forth over forty years ago to crush the keepers of the land, he and his men had been in their prime. Now, he had few friends left and his portal gems, the family heirlooms that he had been hoping to use to reconstruct the entire continent into a strong kingdom, were scattered about the land. Only five of the gems were not already in the hands of evil.  
Reginald hoped that Lord Tiberius or Lord Volstag could end Ranma's reign of terror. If they couldn't, there were precious few that could.

It had been one month since the utter destruction of keepers Morgana, Drakon, Mayl, Bruxiel, Malachi and Malleus. One would say that it was a quick set of victories. Ranma would agree.  
The advance, since Lord Titus sent word of the King's negative response to the peaceful conclusion, had left Ranma rather unfeeling towards the imminent destruction of Reginald's kingdom. He'd also developed a rather vicious method to deal with his 'fellow' keepers, all of whom were deplorable insects that deserved worse than their eventual banishment.  
The spark had started back in the five-way battle between Ranma, Morgana, Drakon, Mayl and Bruxiel. Ranma had been leading one of the major assaults on the enemy when he'd found Bruxiel's prison and torture chambers.  
In Ranma's mind, there was a significant difference between capturing an enemy fighter and capturing civilians. Bruxiel's prison was full of children and terrified mothers. His torture chamber had three farmers and several of their sons. All of whom knew about as much about fighting as Ranma knew about quantum physics.  
Save for Drakon and Malleus, all of the keepers had done the same. Drakon and Malleus, however, had simply killed villagers and left their corpses in graveyards to entice vampires to join them.  
Ranma had since developed a hatred for his 'fellow' keepers.  
But since the fall of the first two groups of keepers, he'd been hearing rumors of a powerful family of keepers, lead by an old keeper known as Nemesis. Until Ranma came along, Nemesis had been the primary opponent to the king and his men.  
Now, Nemesis was yesterday's news. Ranma had claimed over half of the continent while the most Nemesis had managed was 1/4th before being driven back.  
"Keeper," Lunder spoke up, catching Ranma's attention.  
He turned from his ruminations to see Lundar and Horny standing side by side.  
"What is it?" Ranma inquired.  
Horny marched forward and handed a small amulet to Ranma, before giving Ranma a lopsided smile and kneeling.  
"Horny has finally decided that you are worthy of being his keeper. That amulet will let you summon him to any land that you lay claim to." Lundar answered.  
"That's great, big guy. Nice to have you on the team. And it couldn't have come at a better time. My knights tell me that Lord Tiberius is an awesome fighter. We'll need your strength to take him down." Ranma replied, putting the amulet next to the gate gem.  
"Keeper, you should be wary when using that amulet. Sending Horny requires a lot of power. Roughly half of the temporary Dungeon Heart's full capacity, to be exact." Lundar explained.  
"Right. I'll try and keep that in mind." Ranma responded.

Lord Volstag was not hungry, but he forced himself to eat, regardless. The three princesses of King Reginald had come to visit his fortress, without protection, while Keeper Ranma was said to be at the edges of his territory. And considering that Lord Tiberius had sent word of the same thing a day before his keep was reported to have fallen, Volstag was right to worry.  
Worse, the princesses seemed less than willing to leave, even with the threat of doom hovering nearby. Unlike Reginald's sons, who were all trained as swordsmen, Reginald's daughters, Honey, Mina and Relena, had split up their interests into swordsmanship, sorcery and priestesshood respectively.  
As a team, they were not half bad. Prior to Ranma's rising, they'd aided in the destruction of a keeper known as Gargoyle, who had relied heavily on magical traps and doors, and very little on his actual forces. Of course, his forces had been the first to die, half from starvation during the fight and the other half from a combination of injuries and disease. Even his skeletons had been rotting away, which should not have been possible.  
Still, the victory was enough to allow them the opportunity to act on their own.  
Lord Volstag was still not comforted. If Ranma claimed his keep, he didn't want to be remembered as "the blithering idiot who allowed King Reginald's daughters to be captured/killed.  
"You seem uneasy, Lord Volstag." Mina commented, twirling a lock of long golden hair with idle interest as she picked at her meal. Lord Volstag had, despite himself, had his chefs splurge on an elegant meal.  
The last thing he wanted to do was insult the King's daughters with a mundane meal.  
Little did he knew that a mundane meal was precisely what the princesses wanted. Eating elegant meals while others made without didn't please them in the least.  
"I know you think it rude of me, princess, but I cannot help but feel uneasy with Ranma's forces on the edge of my domain. Tiberius was no less prepared than I and he fell in a single day." Lord Volstag responded.  
"Surely you aren't worried." the golden-haired Honey huffed.  
"HE HAS CONQUERED OVER TWO-THIRDS OF THE CONTINENT! IF NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO WORRY, THEN WHEN IS?!" Volstag demanded angrily.  
"He's only a single keeper. Surely when he and Nemesis clash, they will annihilate each other." Honey responded.  
"Princess, one should never rely on one's other enemies to eliminate one's most dangerous enemy. Nemesis, at his height, had one-  
fourth of the continent, but fell when trying to expand it further because he had neither the money nor the manpower. Ranma has most of the continent and has yet to be held even once." Volstag answered.  
The brown-haired sister, Relena, spoke up, "He's right. Ranma's forces are well-trained. Nemesis got too big for his britches, but Ranma is much more cautious. He turns his enemies into his allies and strikes fear into our most valiant. I'm glad he has yet to turn to the undead for power, for then he would have unlimited soldiers to dispose against our warriors." Relena commented.  
"Thank you, Princess Relena, it is nice to see one of you three are keeping Ranma's achievements in mind." Lord Volstag stated.  
"Sir! An advance unit of dark knights is approaching!" a guard called, barely containing his hysterical fear.  
"Then we'll simply have to see how good they are when they're ambushed." Mina commented.  
Lord Volstag paused on his way to the door as he heard that comment.  
"What?" Volstag asked.  
"Surely you don't think our father would send us unguarded at a time like this. We are good, but we know better than that. Our elite guards have been waiting for a chance like this to see if Ranma's men are truly as powerful as he has lead us to believe." Mina replied nonchalantly.  
"SIR! We...we've captured his dark knights!" another guard, much more surprised and hysterical than the first, announced.  
"I guess we should greet them." Honey commented, standing.  
The other two princess rose and nodded.

"Ranchan?" Maidel asked.  
"Yeah?" Ranma inquired as he recuperated.  
He gazed down to see a concerned look on Maidel's face, "What"  
Maidel looked up into his blue-grey eyes, "Well, it's just that... it's really good when we're doing it, but... can we try it when we're both girls"  
"Huh?" Ranma asked.  
"I'd really like to have sex with you when we're both girls." Maidel answered.  
Before Ranma could even think of a response, Lundar hurried into the room, "Keeper, your dark knights were ambushed by Lord Volstag's men"  
"WHAT?!" Ranma snarled, all but leaping out of bed. A snap of his fingers, he was dressed and at his Dungeon Heart with Lundar. He focused on the leader of the black knights he'd sent and instantly saw them being hauled into Volstag's fortress. Worse, he couldn't call them back because their combined lifeforce was very low.  
"He dares attack a diplomatic envoy? I'll kill him myself!" Ranma seethed.  
Ranma was angry. No, he was beyond angry. Angry would've meant someone would just get beaten up. Ranma was furious. Volstag had the audacity to ambush his men and take them captive! This insult would not go unpunished!  
"HORNY! We're going to pound some ass!" Ranma snarled.  
"Excellent, I've been feeling a bit randy." Horny chuckled.  
That made Ranma pause, despite his anger.  
"... do you have to live up to your nickname?" Ranma asked.  
Horny simply gave a toothy grin.  
"Come on, we've got to gather a strike team." Ranma declared.

When they arrived in the courtyard, they saw several black knights on their knees with their helmets removed. Scorch marks were visible on their black armor, if only because their normal armor was much more polished.  
One gazed, no, glared up at Lord Volstag and the princesses, "We came on a mission of peace, you nincompoops! We were here to offer you a peaceful resolution in exchange for the portal gem! But, now, you're all screwed"  
"What makes you so certain of that, dark knight?" Mina huffed.  
"Because not only do we make up less than even an eighth of his dark knights, we were also caught off-guard. When Ranma comes, and believe me, he will come, he'll be most furious at your less than honorable attack." the leader spat back.  
Honey and Mina laughed.  
"In fact," another commented with a wide grin, "he'll probably bring the Reaper with him"  
That brought all of the laughter to a halt. Relena stared at the man, "The Reaper"  
"Horny to us, he's our pal." a third spoke up.  
There was an old legend of a master Keeper who had once conquered the entire continent, just like Ranma was close to doing. He had a powerful and nearly invulnerable warrior-servant who was only remembered as The Reaper. Old age, though, was said to be the downfall of the keeper and he was beaten back when his health failed until he was but a memory.  
But The Reaper was still remembered. It was his name that used to scare children into behaving. And it was said that very few warriors possessed the power to slow him, let alone beat him. But the Reaper had to be over five hundred years old, too old even for most demons to still have their full power.  
"That's impossible!" Honey snapped suddenly, "The Reaper was slain hundreds of years ago, along with his keeper"  
The lead dark knight sneered back, "Slain? The Reaper is immortal, princess. And now he's coming to get you... And he's not the most dangerous. Ranma is"  
Lord Volstag felt a knot form in his stomach. Ranma would come. And Volstag knew he was no match for the keeper.

Volstag's fortress was under siege in less than two hours after the capture of Ranma's dark knights. Lord Volstag knew his instincts had been right. It was a pity he was now dead on the floor.  
Mina cast another fireball down the corridor, then ducked aside as several more flew back. Honey growled in impotent fury as arrows and lightning followed the hail of fireballs while Relena prayed to her goddess above that they wouldn't die.  
They'd taken refuge near one of the prisons, hoping against hope that Ranma wouldn't be thorough in his sweep and they could get away.  
No such luck.  
Ranma's forces watched from above to make sure no one escaped above ground and his forces below ground were trained to make clean sweeps.  
"Great plan, Honey. Let's set an ambush for a dangerous and overly powerful keeper!" Mina snapped at her sister.  
Honey glared at her blonde sister, "I wasn't the one who thought we should set up an ambush above ground"  
"Please! If we're going to die, let's not fight!" Relena begged.  
The sound of metal boots coming down the corridor echoed like a clock about to strike twelve in the dead of night.  
"HIYAH!" Honey cried, swinging her blade at neck level.  
The imp wearing metal boots chittered out a laugh as Honey's blade missed completely and rolled away before the angry swordswoman could attack. Then, Honey noticed her sword was missing something. The blade.  
Horny smiled pleasantly at the blonde while holding the blade to Honey's sword. Honey whimpered and backed away, but caught the heavy end of Horny's scythe. She let out a "whuffle" as her lungs were vacated of air and fell to the floor, gasping for breath.  
Twirling his scythe nonchalantly, Horny caught Relena under the chin and struck Mina on top of her head with the not-pointy end of his scythe.  
"I swear, Ranma is the softest keeper I know. But, he's also one of the best." Horny commented, before knocking Honey out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Next time, Ranma has the three princesses of King Reginald and Reginald wants them back. But two rival keepers also want the princesses. It's a four-way battle of large proportions as Ranma takes on Keeper Geld, Keeper Ventrius and Lord Pureheart!

Easy Cheat: Win the level automatically by pressing CTRL+ALT+C at the same time, then type in "dospace barnotspace barfearspace barthespace barreaper". If you've done it correctly, the movie-style margins will appear. You'll only get points for what you've accomplished, which will look mighty tiny if you use this at the start of the level.

If a fight breaks out on your territory, your imps can drag any of your fallen allies back to their lair to recover. This is a lifesaver on levels where you don't get a portal.

Each of the hidden lands in the game have a little mini-game inside of them. The narrator says they're supposed to be for 'relaxation', but they're rather nerve-wracking. These are rather hard to master and require a lot of retries to win. If you start to doubt your ability to win, use the "do not fear the reaper" cheat. The level will end and you'll get points for what you've managed to accomplish.  
Secret Land #1 - The level titled "Fear" (Level 3? 5?). A game of Golf with Boulders. You've only got two and a half minutes to play.  
Secret Land #2 - The level titled "Caverns" (Level 7?). Duckshoot with a possessed Warlock. To win more easily, use the cheat "feel the power". A time limit is given before two Level 5 knights charge you from opposite ends of the room.  
Secret Land #3 - The level titled "Smashing" (Level 10?). You possess a Dark Angel to go through a maze. To win more easily, use the cheat "feel the power.  
Secret Land #4 - The level titled "Conversion" (Level 13?). Crush the dwarves with the boulders. You've only got six minutes.  
Secret Land #5 - You must set your computer to a day with a Full Moon. I kid you not. You only get one salamander to protect your land from an endless hoard of thirty enemy imps and you can't lose more than two rooms. I usually use "ha ha thisaway ha ha thataway" and "i believe its magic", then summon a ton of imps before using "feel the power" I send the imps after their evil counterparts and keep making more.

Next Time: Hints on better building and the necessary parts! 


	6. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 6

-  
Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 06: Conversion By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

Ranma looked at the three women with a bit of confusion. They certainly didn't look like what he'd imagine they would look like. He had to be sure.  
"The princesses, you say?" Ranma asked Lynn the Fairy.  
Lynn nodded, "Oh yes. I met them a year ago, but they're unmistakable. Those are King Reginald's daughters for sure. Relena is the dark haired one, she's a priestess. Mina is the mage of the family, she likes to wear red bows. And Honey is the oldest and she's pretty strong"  
"Well, if they're his daughters, I suppose it would be pretty bad to torture them..." Ranma commented.  
"Actually, Mina and Honey are pretty stuck up and I think Relena needs a good solid fuck. Like Maidel's special. MMMMMmmmm..." Lynn answered, before staring off into space while drooling a little.  
Ranma stared at Lynn for a few seconds, then gazed over to Maidel.  
Maidel looked a bit offended, "What? You didn't like the more vicious methods of torture, so that's what we do for most of the women.  
The guys usually bend after a little hot coal treatment and promises of better pay and better food, but if the mistress likes him, she'll give him a little. But, you're my male lover, so I don't cheat"  
Ranma pinched the bridge of his nose. He should have known, considering her request a night ago.  
"Anyway, I think we'll wait until we hear from Reginald." Ranma responded.

King Reginald was, once again, furious. This time, even more so.  
Seven knights of his land were standing before him, wearing Ranma's emblem on their shields, while their leader, Michael, read Ranma's demands, "...if you'll give me the other portal gems, I'll return your daughters and restore your land to you. Signed, Keeper Ranma"  
"Is this some kind of joke?" Timothy, Reginald's eldest son, spoke up.  
"No. He's willing to restore the kingdom and your sisters to King Reginald if he can have the portal gems." Michael responded evenly.  
"NEVER! I'll see him and his fellow keepers DEAD! GUARDS, ARREST THEM!" Reginald snarled.  
The lead knight sighed heavily and shook his head, "You should have listened"  
With that, all seven knights disappeared in the blink of an eye.  
"Wha...what sorcery was that?!" Daniel, the youngest son, demanded.  
"That's the power of a Keeper. He can call back any minion who has sworn fealty to him, unless they are beaten or rendered unconscious." King Reginald growled angrily.  
"How's that work?" Daniel asked a nearby wizard in a quiet tone.  
"Retraction spells are possible by all magic users, but the badly injured or unconscious are difficult to locate and 'pull back' because of their low lifeforce. It would be like trying to pick up butter, much easier when it's solid." the wizard replied in an equally low tone.  
"Father, we aren't just going to let him keep Mina, Honey and Relena, are we? Who knows what sick and perverse thing he might do!" Anthony, the middle brother, spoke up.  
King Reginald considered his options, "Contact Lord Pureheart! Tell him to gather all the men he's trained and attack Ranma immediately! Once he has my daughters, he is to pull back immediately. We must gather more strength before we can face Ranma."

"No go, huh?" Ranma asked.  
Michael shook his head, "The king flat out refused. More over, I think he plans to attack soon, probably to get his daughters back. His court had more warriors in it than usual"  
Ranma nodded, "Only natural that he'd be gathering strength to face off against me. Well, if he's not going to do this the easy way, I guess I've got no real choice, but to torture his daughters"  
"What?!" Honey demanded as Michael left in a hurry. Lotus was going to kill him if he was late for dinner. Meanwhile, the princess was in the middle of an angry fit at the thought of Ranma even THINKING of torturing her or her sisters. They were ROYALTY!  
"It's either that or leave you in the prison to catch disease and die, then become skeletons. Which would you rather choose? Live or become a skeleton?" Ranma inquired.  
Honey sputtered. Neither option seemed too pleasing. She glanced at a rather evil-looking rat and shuddered. She'd seen rats before, but never evil-looking rats that probably carried all manners of disease.  
"Torture chamber it is." Honey answered.  
"I knew you'd see it my way." Ranma said, before chanting a sleep spell.  
Maidel blinked, "I didn't know you knew Sleep"  
"I've been learning plenty of spells whenever I use Possession on a spellcaster." Ranma responded, before summoning three imps and motioning to the sleeping princesses, "Take them to the V.I.P. torture chamber. Maidel, I'm trusting you with-... what"  
"And the imps... they don't look at hideous as they did before"  
Maidel commented, motioning to the imps, which were more peach-colored than green, with smaller eyes. Maidel could swear she saw a tuft of red hair on one, "I think they're changing"  
"You're... just... imagining things." Ranma replied hesistantly. In truth, the imps had been changing a lot. Their bodies had grown a bit while their heads shrank to a more proportional size. He had to make a mental note to talk to Lundar about that.  
"Anyway, I'm leaving you in charge of them. Be sure to give them plenty of water. The last thing I want to hear is that they died of dehydration. That would REALLY piss Reginald off." Ranma responded.  
Maidel considered that.

News of the capture of Reginald's daughters had spread like wildfire in an area with plenty ready to burn and more than enough catalysts. And as such, it wasn't long before the less savory groups heard of it.  
To King Reginald's dismay, there were always sections of his kingdom plagued with evil keepers. And like a virus, once you thought you had it cornered, it changed and came back. There were three keepers in particular that were especially annoying: Nemesis, Geld and Ventrius.  
Geld and Ventrius were newbies who just had a way of making the King mad, mostly because they were a drunken ex-swordsmaster and a fired archery teacher respectively. They'd both nearly killed their pupils, the princes and Honey, on more than one occasion. Upon being fired, they'd apparently found a pair of Dungeon Hearts and had taken to pissing off the king by sending random attack waves that did little,  
save annoy the king.  
It hardly made for a good display when a merchant or a wandering caravan came by and a bunch of drunken half-naked monsters stumbled at them like a mob fresh from last call at a bar.  
Of course, those were the creatures that both Geld and Ventrius wanted dead, so their loss was minimal. Over a year after being fired,  
Geld had sobered up and Ventrius had improved his instruction methods.  
Both had garnered a large band of warriors fit for assaulting King Reginald's castle, but they wanted to get back at the old man first.  
And what better way than by capturing Reginald's daughters from a fellow keeper?  
Indeed, both keepers knew the risk was high, but if a smash-and-  
grab operation had evan a half chance of success, they would gladly take it.

Mina felt her sanity slipping. She'd been rotating on the wheel for too long to remember and somehow, the water drops were perfectly timed to hit her square in the forehead.  
She knew there were no special apparatuses, as she could see none. There was just a leaky ceiling.  
Given the probability of a water drop falling on someone from the ceiling, the likelyhood of it hitting someone in the head was one in twenty. To hit the middle of the forehead was one in a hundred. There were five drops per spin. YET EVERY ONE HIT HER SQUARE IN THE FOREHEAD. It should not have been possible, but it was happening.  
Relena was sweating heavily as her body spun near the hot coals at the base of the wheel. Unlike Mina, her wheel was mounted on the wall and it wasn't her sanity that she was questioning, it was her mental and physical endurance. She was all but ready to give in. Only her faith that her father would launch a rescue mission kept her from breaking. And it was only the fact that her hair was kept magically in place that her long brown hair wasn't already on fire.  
Honey was in a similar situation to Relena, but her wheel was mounted on the ground like Mina's, and there was none of the relief that Relena managed to enjoy briefly as her head was turned away from the coals. The heat from the coals burned her back and brought her to tears. She was so thirsty, not to mention hungry.  
Maidel was sitting in plain view of the three sisters, eating a sandwich and drinking from a tall mug.  
"MMMmmm, turkey's good, but it's so dry, don't you think?" Maidel asked, before drinking deeply, letting some water spill onto the floor.  
"I'd pay a fortune for my forehead to be dry." Mina muttered.  
"I could put you in the electric chair. We haven't used it in a while." Maidel commented.  
"..." was Mina's response.

Lord Pureheart was the oldest of all of King Reginald's friends and generals, but he was also the smartest of them. Thus, he did not immediately rush off at his old friend's request.  
While the situation for the princesses was dire, Ranma's forces were well trained and likely expecting an immediate attack. As much as Lord Pureheart hated to do it, he had to give himself time to make an educated attack. Titus had said that Ranma's warriors were so well trained that not even double his force size was enough to bring the keeper down.  
But, that meant organizing his men just as well as Ranma had organized his own. That would take too much time, and the princesses had precious little.  
If numbers would not work, skill would have to.  
Despite himself, he had found the only solution was to batter down Ranma's door in hopes that he could sustain an assault long enough to rescue the princesses.

Geld and Ventrius were united in a cause, but they didn't quite trust each other. Their minions were instructed not to attack each other, but there was also competition.  
The swordsman felt he had a more serious beef with King Reginald,  
which had caused conflict with Ventrius, who saw himself as the one with the better reason to hate the king. Though they saw themselves as superior in terms of insult, they could accept that the other had been greatly insulted as well.  
Thus, they had agreed on a solution: Whoever caught the princesses first, got to do whatever they wanted.  
They both knew that Ranma's forces were strong, but the likelyhood of him successfully repelling two enemy keepers at the same time in a territory he'd just conquered was minimal, especially when they'd heard of his penchant for helping the towns in the area. Once all of the enemy had fallen, he would send his troops out.  
Like clockwork.  
So, they began tunnelling towards his domain, ignoring the possibility that Ranma might have plenty of reserve troops still in his domain.

Ranma had locked the secret door that separated the torture room that Maidel was using, preventing even his own creatures from peeking. He'd even turned off his magical map in his Dungeon Heart to make ABSOLUTELY sure that no one peeked. The only other things in the torture chamber were three magical lairs for the princesses to rest in when they finally changed to his cause.  
He wasn't certain that leaving Maidel alone with a mage and priestess was a good idea, but Maidel insisted that she could handle it by herself. Besides, they could not move from those wheels unless the Dungeon Heart was destroyed, they died or were converted.  
Ranma was currently pacing his temporary Dungeon Heart, wondering what he should do. He'd dispatched half of his creatures to aid the nearby towns, like he usually did. He decided that checking out the library in Volstag's keep might be entertaining.  
Ordinarily, Ranma wouldn't be able to read a word of it, but one of the advantages to the Dungeon Heart was complete mastery of any language he heard or saw. The magic translated everything for him.  
He entered the library to see some of his faithful warlocks hard at work, memorizing new spells that would be useful or finding out more about various subjects.  
"Olan, any word on that subject you brought up last week?" Ranma inquired.  
"The stone golem? Yes, it's possible. More than that, there's record of two golems modelled on a single legendary Knight in the castle that King Reginald claims. Unfortunately, the construction time is usually two to three months. It can be dropped to a week, but it becomes vastly weaker. For it to be of any worth, it must have a lot of enchantments placed on it. And the more enchantments that are placed on it, the longer it'll take." Olan answered.  
"And we'll likely be done before then." Ranma commented.  
"They could still have their uses, though." Olan suggested.  
Ranma smirked, "You can't fool me. You just want to make one"  
"Well, yes..." Olan admitted.  
"Fine. Just tell the imps what you need." Ranma said, creating two more.  
Ranma perused the library when he found an old tome. Curious, he pulled it from the shelf.  
"Ah yes, the War of Devan." Locar, one of Ranma's newest warlocks, spoke up as he looked at the title of the tome in Ranma's hands.  
"Who's Devan?" Ranma inquired.  
"A powerful keeper who lived five hundred years ago. He conquered most of a nearby continent, killing one of it's most prominent heroes, the Avatar. But eventually, surprise attacks and low funds lead to his defeat. After that, no one really knows what became of him, but I think it might be in that book." Locar responded.  
"You don't know?" Ranma asked.  
"No, unfortunately not. I know the tome, though. It's very famous in this area. Volstag liked to share what he had read with people he entertained, but he never let anyone touch his books." Locar answered.  
Ranma decided that the tome might be interesting after all.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Next time, Ranma has the three princesses of King Reginald and Reginald wants them back. But two rival keepers also want the princesses. It's a four-way battle of large proportions as Ranma takes on Geld, Ventrius and Lord Pureheart!

Next Time: Hints on better building and the necessary parts!

OMAKE!  
------

What if Ranma taught the Umisenken to his creatures?

Lord Tiberius sat in his keep, enjoying a solid meal before he went off to kill Keeper Ranma. Around him were his faithful knights and guards.  
Suddenly, the Horned Reaper appeared next to him and exhaled garlic breath on his face, before vanishing back into the shadows.  
"Ooooh, I think I just shit my robes"  
"You're wearing armor"  
"That's even worse... I better go get a new suit of armor..."

The group was hopelessly lost. They were told to circle around Ranma's keep and attack from the east. Ranma had already built winding passageways to the area they'd tried to circle around. They'd figured they'd just go ahead and attack from the east.  
They had no idea where they were now. The disorienting corridors had given their dwarven allies a headache and they were trying to choose a direction at the twelfth four-way intersection.  
PPRRRRRRTTTT  
"Oh, god, wizard! Can't you hold it in?" a guard asked, waving a hand in front of his helmet.  
PRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTT  
"MAN! Knight! Step back! Step back!" the guard demanded, waving his hand more frantically.  
PPPPPRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTT  
"MY GOD, THIEF! What the hell were you three eating before this mission? Banana burritos with super hot sauce and eggs? Ugh!" the guard coughed, his eyes watering.  
Deciding that the heroes were truly stupid, the bile demon backed away slowly. He had to report to Ranma of this intrusion. But,  
first.  
PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPTTTRRRRRRRRTRRRTRRRTbwweeeeeee  
The other heroes all shouted in disgust.  
"GUARD!" a fairy coughed out angrily.

What if Ranma used Possession when going to fight a Lord of the Land in order to challenge himself?  
Lord Darius frowned. He'd been waiting over ten minutes for Ranma to show, and the only thing that had appeared was one of his dim-  
witted imps, who was reinforcing the walls on the cavern.  
Suddenly, to Darius' surprise, the imp spun around and flung himself at Darius, spin-jump kicking the lord eighteen times in the face, before landing, kicking Darius in the shin, punching him in the balls, headbutting him and finally using his Amiguriken speed to hyper-  
kick Darius in the nuts again.  
Darius collapsed.  
Weeks later.  
Lord Ludwig frowned. He'd been waiting over ten minutes for Ranma to show, and the only thing that had appeared was a chicken...

"SO, who's keestered their supply of Dark Mistresses and Bile Demons?" Bruxiel asked, before seeing the gazes on his fellow keepers, "Not that...I...have..." 


	7. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 7 Edited

-  
Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 07: Purest Heart (Edited)  
By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

Ranma was looking through the book with interest. He'd never known that Horny's 'race' was called Reaper and that they had been the chosen favorites of the Dark Gods for many centuries, until a warrior known as the Avatar came into being.  
During a fierce campaign, many of the Reapers were summoned by desperate keepers and sent to fight the Avatar. The Avatar's powers, however, were granted to him by many of the other gods, allowing him to slaughter the Reapers as if they were wheat before a harvester.  
One keeper, Devan, managed to use an entire army and a Reaper to take down the mighty Avatar in a fierce battle that lead to the destruction of a place called Skybird Trill.  
However, Ranma knew that was not the end of the story. He found another book in Lundar's library that detailed the rest.  
Afterwards, the Dark Gods found very few Reapers had survived and were dismayed at the massive loss of such powerful servants. To ensure that they would have mighty servants by which they would still be worshipped, they created the Dark Angels, mockeries of Angels used by the other gods.  
The remaining Reapers took offense and wanted to prove that they were superior. Indeed, in combat, the Reapers were superior in every way, but the Dark Angels decided that it would be best if the Reapers lost. After all, they would fall out of favor with their creators otherwise.  
They aided humans in campaigns against the Reapers, eventually leading to the near-extinction of the entire race. Those Reapers that remained were too precious to let go, so they remained in the underworld with the Dark Gods, save for one.  
Horniculus did not want to return to the underworld, as it would mean an eternity of boredom, waiting for gods or humans like the Avatar to attack. He would be sincerely bored with that kind of life. However, he also did not to wish to be bound to whomever could manage to maintain his 'requirements', as such keepers would be boring and might lead to his demise.  
So, Horniculus decided that he would forge an amulet, by which he could be summoned and left it in a dungeon, through which only the most clever of Keepers would be allowed to have access to it.  
A Keeper did eventually manage to obtain the amulet.  
"The last Keeper of my Dungeon Heart." Ranma murmurred.  
Suddenly, Ranma felt a breach in his Dungeon. Then, another and another. Three separate groups were attacking him, no doubt trying to get the princesses. Ranma snarled at the audacity.  
He summoned Horny to the leftmost breach with some Elves and Dark Elves as back up, in case something managed to slip past him. He sent Zenobia and most of his other forces to the right breach. He then called up what skeletons he'd found in his exploits and headed for the center breach. Imps were given the order to haul back the unconscious, but stay out of battle.  
Someone was going to learn the hard way that one didn't mess with Keeper Ranma.

Horny yawned as he felt the activation of his amulet. He'd been having a nice nap, but duty called. He summoned his scythe as he appeared at the destination. He turned and looked at the now halted advance of enemy goblins, dark knights, skeletons and Dark Angels. He grinned.  
It was time to have some fun. He raised his scythe and charged, shattering six skeletons who'd tried to meet his charge. Horny frowned. Hopefully the rest would be more entertaining than that.  
Meanwhile, Zenobia and company were having significantly less fun than Horny. The force they were facing was largely comprised of warlocks, dark elves, mistresses and vampires. It was lucky that they had some monks on hand to finish the vampires, but that still left the other forces to contend with.  
The enemy wasn't entirely stupid, like the ones Horny was facing. Whereas the opponents Horny was facing were largely hand-to-hand style fighters and thus limited in their tactics, enemies who used to long distance combat, such as the warlocks and dark elves, were significantly less limited in their attacks.  
So far, they'd managed to draw out the enemy by waiting, then opening fire with a hail of fireballs, quarrels, lightning bolts, paralyzing ice and hail spells just before their frontline fighters, the dark knights and monks, charged in and took out the enemies nearest to them and ducked behind cover in time for another assault.  
It wasn't a perfect plan, but it was better than shooting randomly, hoping that they'd hit someone enough to draw them out where they could finish them off. Besides, the armor on the dark knights was more than enough to protect them from a few assaults with quarrels.  
"I think they're backing off." Corwin, a knight, told Zenobia.  
"Then, it's up to us to finish them off." Zenobia responded.  
The group assembled in a proper battle line before heading down the dark corridor that the enemy had made.  
Those that stood before Ranma were much less fortunate. When dealing with the standard list of Keeper creatures, there were expectations and tactics to utilize in cutting down the monsters. Even fighting Horny was better, because then one only had to worry about three things. Horny's strength, his scythe and his occassional fireball.  
Fighting Ranma, on the other hand, was a nightmare. Ranma had learned how to possess creatures fairly early into the campaign, at the behest of Lundar and his warlocks, who didn't want Ranma taking unneccessary risks. Ranma picked up various skills, spells and techniques in those bodies as he went about practicing.  
Ranma had jumped into just about every type of creature under his command. As such, he knew every spell, magical/physical technique and skill that his underlings did.  
And he could use them all in rapid succession.  
A Disruption attack seared a guard's eyes just as a Firebomb blasted him and three of his fellow guards off their feet. They were fortunate, because Ranma then unleashed a Super Firebomb, a Hail Storm, a Tornado and a torrent of fireballs and lightning bolts.  
Any enemy within thirty feet was down for the count. Ranma continued forward, summoning imps occassionally to haul the badly beaten, but not-quite-dead back to his prisons. He'd deal with them later.  
As he came to a four-way intersection, the chattering of his skeletons was heard. They'd noticed something, but didn't dare attack without Ranma's permission.  
"Go." Ranma commanded.  
Instantly, the forty skeletons split into two groups of twenty, let out a horrific battle cry and charged down the two side corridors. Ranma marched forward, where he sensed the Lord of the Land was. The torches glowed dimly, as though sensing the melancholy aura that seemed to permeate the air as Ranma entered a massive chamber to see Lord Pureheart facing the far wall.  
Ranma had not been clear-cutting through his opponents as thoroughly as he believed. A thief had managed to sneak back to Lord Pureheart and warned them of Ranma's advance, as well as the fact that neither he nor his skeletons were the least bit injured.  
While the news was distressing, it was no less than what Lord Pureheart expected. After all, Ranma WAS a Master Keeper. He doubted even the evil yet brilliant Nemesis would stand against Ranma for very long.  
Once he was certain that Ranma was not being followed by his skeletons, Lord Pureheart spoke to Ranma, "You must be Keeper Ranma. I do hope that you forgive my audacity, but I had to make an effort to rescue the Princesses. After all, they are practically family to me"  
"You sound like a beaten dog." Ranma answered, recognizing the tone Pureheart was using.  
"Indeed. Should I not? I sent the very best I could muster and you've already pounded them into the dungeon floor. While I do have an ego, I also have common sense as well." Lord Pureheart said, before sighing heavily, as he turned. The torches glowed hotter, illuminating the room better.  
Ranma could see that Pureheart was very old. His own father looked much younger than Pureheart and that was simply going by Pureheart's whitened hair. Pureheart's face made him seem at least seventy years of age.  
"I'm old, Ranma. I was the first squire of King Reginald, back when he was merely a starting knight. I'm probably five times your age and I knew that one way or another, this campaign would see the end of me. The heavens know I have lived too long on borrowed time, all for the sake of my friend." Lord Pureheart explained.  
"Then why even try to take me on? You should be at home with your family." Ranma demanded.  
"For pride, of course. You might not understand it, but I'm a warrior, through and through. And if I die in a bed, I'll never rest in peace. Thus, I want to face an opponent who I'll have no qualms about losing against. It has to be either the Reaper or you." Lord Pureheart explained.  
Ranma's hardened edge faltered. Here was an opponent who was not fighting to survive or fighting for a lord, but simply fighting for an end of fighting.  
Ranma had never faced an opponent so ready to lose. He considered it. Pureheart deserved the ending he had chosen. To do otherwise would break one of the more tightly guarded codes Ranma still held. That of protecting an opponent's honor, when they had any.  
Ranma spent long moments contemplating Pureheart's request.  
Horny found himself standing between Lord Pureheart and Ranma. He eyed Ranma, then turned to the Lord.  
"Horny, give him a fight. He deserves one." Ranma told the Reaper before teleporting away to take Horny's place.  
"Nothing personal." Horny said.  
"Much obliged." Lord Pureheart answered, raising his two-handed sword.

Maidel watched each of the princesses closely. The three sisters were strong-willed, but once one broke, the other two would quickly follow. It was difficult to tell who would break first, but Maidel figured it would be Honey. Warriors prided themselves on strength, but when their strength was of no use as it was in the torture chambers of a Keeper, especially a powerful Keeper like Ranma who would not face defeat anytime soon, their pride faded quickly.  
Maidel didn't feel any pride in guessing right as tears began streaming down Honey's face.She willed the coals to cool and healed all three sisters as they needed it.  
"Well, you three have had a very thorough taste of failure," Maidel announced, before sitting next to Honey and wiping her tears away, "But I think it's time to show you that being in Ranma's army isn't all bad"  
Honey blinked as Maidel leaned down and kissed her. The princess' eyes widened immensely as she felt Maidel's tongue invade her mouth. She blushed as she felt aroused by the cinnamon perfume in the air as well as by Maidel's body pressing against her.  
The will to fight back faded like smoke before a hurricane as Maidel broke their liplock and began kissing down Honey's neck.  
MILD LEMON SCENE DELETED

Lord Pureheart was having the time of his life, despite the fact that his life was certainly nearing it's final hour. Horny was as skilled with his scythe as Lord Pureheart was with his two-handed sword. The two warriors were nearly unparalleled in fighting, being as old as they were.  
Horny himself was even beginning to smile. Ordinarily, he only got excited at massive slaughter, but Pureheart was a CHALLENGE. A challenge that the Horned Reaper had desired for a long time. Ordinary opponents saw only the scythe Horny carried and did their best to block it, when it was Horny himself whom they should be paying attention to. Many would-be heroes could block the blade of the scythe only to be caught off-guard by the heavy hilt, which smashed their heads backwards long enough for Horny to decapitate them.  
Pureheart was better than that. He dodged away from the hilt, and nearly stabbed Horny through the midsection with a thrust that forced Horny back. Horny, however, saw an opening. He slid around the sword and almost successfully shoulder-slammed Pureheart, if the wise fighter hadn't rolled out of the way.  
"Not bad." Horny commented.  
"Of course. I didn't live this long by being a shitty fighter." Pureheart answered.  
"It's a shame to simply kill such an excellent fighter." Horny told the fighter, knowing his own endurance was limitless because of the pact made with Ranma. Even when successfully injured, he'd heal instantly. However, Horny was suppressing that healing factor as a show of fairness.  
"Yes, but if this world were fair, we wouldn't be in it, now would we?" Pureheart asked.  
"Truer words were never spoken." Horny responded.  
Horny charged Pureheart as the old man hefted his sword to meet the Horned Reaper.

Geld was hiding in his Dungeon Heart. He'd heard the screams and reports from his imps that the legendary Horned Reaper was on his way. There was no way in hell he could ever defeat the Horned Reaper. There was that legend of some hero named the Avatar being able to kill the Reapers, but he'd been divinely blessed by over twenty Gods and Goddesses.  
Geld knew the chances of him getting such a blessing were far beyond his capacity to count. Besides, THIS Reaper had slain even the Avatar.  
Suddenly he realized that there was only silence, followed by a weary cheer. An imp came to the edge of the Dungeon Heart and chittered.  
Geld's eyes widened, "The Reaper is gone"  
The imp chittered further.  
"And now a teenage boy is standing where he is?" Geld asked.  
A teenage boy isn't nearly as threatening. Geld thought. Then, he heard the screams of his men begin again, this time louder and more urgent.  
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Geld whimpered desperately, hoping the Reaper hadn't returned.  
"'That' would be me." Ranma declared, entering the Dungeon Heart's room.  
"And you are?" Geld demanded, no longer afraid now that he saw the boy.  
Ranma stood before Geld wearing red shoulder guards and a black cape with a red interior over his usual red silk chinese shirt and black pants with a cord for a belt.  
Geld, on the other hand, wore armor similar to a Dark Knight. A solid chest and back plate with short shoulder guards that wrapped around his shoulders. His arms were free of any armor to allow for maximum mobility. His waist and legs were clad in chain mail with plate mail over it. Geld hefted his sword and pointed it at Ranma, sneering contemptuously as he estimated the boy to be of no threat, "And who are you"  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. You attacked my dungeon. Prepare to die." Ranma told Geld simply.  
Geld was about to snort in contempt when he realized the name he'd just heard, "Ranma? As in the Keeper who just crushed most of the continent"  
"One in the same." Ranma answered.  
"I don't believe you for a second." Geld huffed.  
"Believe it or not, you're finished." Ranma responded.  
Geld blinked and Ranma was in front of him. Geld had time to panic and begin pulling away when Ranma began punching him mercilessly. Six thousand and eighty two punches later, Geld hit the floor and did not get up. Ranma kicked the supports around Geld's Dungeon Heart, shattering them and crushing the magical membrane below. Geld's battered form disappeared just as the Heart shattered.  
"One down. Now for the other idiot." Ranma commented, vanishing in a burst of light.

LEMON SCENE DELETED

Ventrius was cursing his luck. Although his forces were skilled and smart enough to duck behind the various defenses he'd created, Ranma's frontline kept advancing at the same rate, despite the lack of bridges; despite the numerous traps and doors; and most frustrating of all, despite all of the firepower his minions and traps kept tossing out.  
Then, bridges suddenly began appearing, followed by a torrent of spells that could have defeated a legion of Giants. Ventrius didn't like surprises and the sudden appearance of a cocky looking young man and a brigade of Dark Elves was a surprise.  
Within minutes, all of his carefully laid defenses were destroyed, his men had fallen and the young man responsible was kicking at the steel door that Ventrius had just locked.  
Ventrius was doing his damndest to load his trusty crossbow with a magical bolt meant to slay anything. He'd meant to keep it as a last ditch item, just in case the Horned Reaper ever came knocking on his door. But, from what he'd seen, the Reaper paled in comparison to this new fighter.  
The walking nightmare that was an angry Ranma Saotome smashed the gate with one strike, "WELCOME GATE IRON FINGERS"  
Ranma marched in and dodged the Bolt of Slaying as it sank into the wall behind him. Now truly enraged, Ranma stomped forward, smacking the crossbow from Ventrius' hands before pummelling the bowman into a bloody pulp. A large vacuum blade later, the supports around Ventrius' Dungeon Heart collapsed, catapulting Ventrius out of the dimension in a very violent and abrupt manner.  
Ranma teleported back to his Dungeon Heart and activated the magical map to see if Horny was finished with Pureheart. He blinked in surprise when he saw that Pureheart and Horny had trashed the main room of Pureheart's fortress, but were still fighting, despite having apparently knocked each other through various walls.  
"Keeper, you're back..." Lundar began.  
"Just had some rivals to take care of." Ranma responded.  
"Well, we have some... interesting guests that have been waiting to meet you." Lundar told him.  
Ranma shut off the map, confident that Horny would win.  
"Who?" Ranma asked.  
"They are in the main hall of Lord Volstag's keep as we speak." Lundar responded.  
Ranma teleported himself and Lundar to the main hall of Volstag's keep. Then, he blinked.  
Ten Dark Angels stood before him in the hall. They turned in unison. Dark Angels for the most part looked like six foot tall musclar men with grey feathered wings on their back. They had blue skin, red glowing eyes, carried a broad sword and typically only wore black gloves, head cap, pants and boots. One of them, however, wore a steel chest plate and had a dagger in his belt on the right side.  
The unusual one approached him and spoke, "Keeper Ranma, I presume. I am Zachariach, Elite Dark Angel. The Dark Gods have declared you the most powerful keeper and thus have decided to side with you. We are under strict orders by all the Dark Gods to join you and do anything you ask of us, no matter what"  
"Um, nice to meet you. But, I was under the impression that you guys joined keepers out of sheer whim." Ranma responded.  
"Ordinarily, yes. However, the Dark Gods saw that times were changing quite fast, even before your domination of the entire continent becoming more and more decisive. In order to retain worship, they too had to change. If you'll allow your minions to freely pray at the temples to the Dark Gods, they'll give further support by giving you more mana. In addition, every temple that you build to the Dark Gods will allow two more of our brethren through to aid you in your conquest." Zachariach explained.  
Ranma considered it. He'd heard that the Dark Gods didn't truly ask for much, outside of temples and occassional worship. They rewarded sacrifices, but ultimately, they asked for little else.  
"Very well, Zachariach. Lairs have been made available and if you have any questions on my dungeons, ask the imps. All I truly ask of you is that you not attack any of the other creatures I have in my command without good reason and even so, I'd like to be notified of the reasons before anyone is dead. If you have any quarrels with the other creatures of my dungeon, take it up with me and I'll deal with it. Agreeable?" Ranma asked.  
Zachariach nodded.  
"Well, then, welcome aboard. I'll notify you all of the next battle that we engage in." Ranma responded.  
Ranma watched as the Dark Angels headed for the nearest lairs, then turned to Lundar.  
"Very wise. The Dark Gods rarely anger anymore, out of fear of losing worship. I doubt Dark Angels that they personally sent will cause any trouble. Strangely enough, I think I recall the Dark Gods making a declaration to help only the keeper who could find their main temple, but that was a while ago. Perhaps no one has." Lundar commented.  
"Probably. By the way, Lundar, I've been meaning to ask you about the imps..." Ranma began.  
"Ranma?" came Maidel's voice.  
Ranma blinked and turned to see Maidel, followed by the three princesses, who were once again garbed in the outfits they had worn just prior to their capture. Each of the princesses were blushing and they seemed to be following Maidel rather closely.  
"Maidel? I thought... well, it's only been about a few hours." Ranma commented.  
"I can be persuasive when I want to be." Maidel answered, smiling widely, before gesturing to the three princesses, who knelt in unison.  
"Ranma, we recognize you as our master. We will do as you ask of us." Honey declared.  
"Well, I don't need anything right now, but I'd like your opinions on dealing with your father. Maidel will fill you in on the details, but for now, just get rest. I'm sure you need it." Ranma told them, before turning back to Lundar, "Anyway, as I was saying, about the imps"  
"RANMA! We've just sighted Nemesis' forces! They're in the land just to the east of here!" Michael, captain of the Knights, declared.  
Can't they wait until I ask Lundar this simple question?! Ranma asked himself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Next time, on Dungeon Keeper Ranma!  
Nemesis, the eldest keeper in a family of keepers, will test his might versus Ranma.  
But what of his family? Can Ranma defeat three keepers who aren't trying to kill each other and are skilled strategists on their own?

Dig out a 5x5 square. Fill the middle 3x3 with a hatchery, then fill the corners with lairs, making sure NOT to obstruct the entrance (s) to the room. This will make sure that no one will complain about not finding a lair when there's plenty of space. Of course, this reduces the number of available lairs to 12-14. That means you'll likely have to make another room if you have more than one portal or if you want to convert. This will also provide a food source for creatures right as they wake up.  
When making a workshop, if there's room, dig out a 4x5 section right NEXT to the workshop, do not make a separate room. Place a 3x5 hatchery directly next to the workshop and a 1x5 section of lairs. Pick up every troll and/or bile demon who enters and place them in those lairs. This will maximize their time in the workshop because they have both food AND their homes nearby.  
Workshops, Libraries, Torture Rooms and Training Rooms gain more areas for creatures to use for every 3 rows of reinforced walls (or if the walls are solid rock). A 3x3 torture room can have up to 4 work spaces IF the walls are reinforced.  
The necessary parts: All dungeons require lairs and hatcheries. Most require a treasury, but you can get more use from them if you grab the accumulated wealth from the treasuries you already have and place them around the sections in your heart. The amount of cash you have will lower, but your creatures can still get paid and if you use enough to drain the current amount of cash, the cash will seemingly 'restore' itself.  
Workshops are needed if you don't want to waste your time with Guard Rooms. Prisons are a requirement for skeletons or if you want to convert creatures. Torture chambers are only needed for attracting Mistresses (and Dark Knights) or for converting heroes.  
Combat Pits are a requirement if you're playing honest (in a game about evil? HA!) and need higher level minions. Don't place undead into the combat pit unless you're willing to hover over the pit and heal them. And NEVER place a Vampire in with a Monk.  
Temples are only a necessity to ease the whinings of some of your creatures later on or if you want two Dark Angels. Unless you've got a LOT of money, don't make more than one 5x5 temple.

Next Time: Properly Applied Motivation and Keeping Those Whiny Creatures In Line! 


	8. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 8

-  
Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 08: Nemesis By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

Nemesis growled at the audacity of this new keeper, this Keeper Ranma. Somehow, the awesome might of Ranma's forces had allowed the younger keeper to plow through all of King Reginald's land as though the King's men weren't even there. In little over ten months, he'd practically swallowed the continent whole while Nemesis' power base was dwindling as rapidly as his health.  
King Reginald and his knights had covered the land when Nemesis had first gotten his Dungeon Heart. The two had formed a hatred for each other that was unparalleled by any other. That hatred had cost Reginald a fourth of the previous king's land.  
But Nemesis had been in a hurry to conquer the continent when he overstepped his bounds. Reginald claimed back most of the land Nemesis had claimed and Nemesis' reign had ended... until five years ago, when Nemesis began allying with the other Keepers in the land.  
A little over a year ago, Nemesis ruled the land in all but the official sense. Every Keeper on the land had made an alliance with Nemesis and the King lived in fear as he watched more and more of his land was lost to Nemesis and his fellow keepers. Nemesis wanted to conquer the kingdom Reginald had protected so that his sons could continue his legacy by conquering the world. It was the reason he'd not destroyed a few of the Hearts of those Keepers who would not ally with him. It was so his children could take them and become even greater than he.  
Instead, his sons quarrelled over the meager land they'd been sent to claim as part of an effort to create cooperation between them. Now, he wasted most of his time trying to keep their quibbling to a minimum by entering their realm inbetween them. It had calmed them, but not much.  
Nemesis knew he was doomed to die, but he hoped, at least, that his death would inspire his children to work together. It was the one of the two last hopes he had. The other was that King Reginald would not find him and destroy his Dungeon Heart. Not only did he want one of his grandchildren to inherit it, but he also wanted to rob Reginald of any sort of revenge after Nemesis had killed his wife.  
All he could do now was prepare and hope that it would be natural causes and not Ranma who finished him off.  
"Sir, it would seem that the Dark Gods have made a decision and allied with Keeper Ranma." came the report from Loxias the thief.  
"WHAT?!" Nemesis demanded. He summoned his own Dark Angel, Leichas.  
"It is true." Leichas told the aging keeper, "However, Keeper Ranma is not the only keeper left, Master Nemesis. Should you prove your might and defeat him, the Dark Gods would definitely change their opinions. However, I would choose a better battleground. This land has little to offer you in way of defense"  
"I know. I'll have to take him on in Cherry Blossom. It's an ancient land, but it would provide us with gem veins." Nemesis declared.  
Nemesis was so wrapped up in telling his sons to go to Cherry Blossom and preparing his own primary dungeon heart for the move that he failed to notice that he had never converted a thief named Loxias. Loxias smiled to himself as he snuck away. Cherry Blossom had more than enough mana vaults and gem veins for Ranma to crush Nemesis easily.

Lundar pondered over Ranma's question. He'd noticed the imps' slow transformation and he was almost certain he knew why.  
"I believe, Keeper, that it is because of you." Lundar told him.  
"Me?" Ranma asked.  
"Slowly and without really thinking about it, you are influencing the pattern by which the imps are made. Warlocks who make their own imps can do the same, but they choose to change the imps' appearance. You have such a strong sense of who you are that you are slowly changing the imps into smaller copies of you." Lundar explained.  
"So, anything we can do to reverse it?" Ranma asked, weirded out by the idea of hundreds of miniature Ranmas and Ranma-chans running around.  
"Well, there is, but you'd have to research imps more thoroughly and focus on what you remember them looking like before. Even so, there's a fair chance that this would simply happen again." Lundar told him.  
Ranma grumbled, but decided he would just have to put up with it.  
At any rate, it was time for the war council.  
In a newly constructed room beneath Lord Ironhelm's former tower (before Ranma killed him and seized it), there was a massive room with a large table in the center. Four representatives from each class, with the exception of the Dark Angels, who only had two, and Horny, who was unique, were seated around the table. There were a total of six empty chairs around the table, not including the ones Ranma and Lundar had just occupied.  
"Okay, we've pretty much conquered the entire continent. The only points that the King still controls are the castle and the land of Butterscotch. Nemesis himself seems to be holed up in the next land over, Cherry Blossom. What's the recon on his situation, Loxias?" Ranma asked.  
Loxias the thief stood up, "We were able to penetrate his defenses long enough to know that he's with his two sons, Fabius and Faust, keepers both. He spends most of his time trying to get them to stop attacking each other on the sly. Their defenses are weak at first glance, but actually quite well planned in reality. There are spike traps and gas traps lining just about every doorway, they have numerous sentry cannons and have many creatures at their disposal"  
"No less from the keeper who used to rule the underbelly of the continent about a year ago." Lundar commented, "But against our forces,  
he stands no chance. I know that none of Nemesis' family believe in doors very much, save for the expensive and difficult to create Magic Door, which they use sparingly, thus a full charge will likely catch them completely offguard"  
"Actually, there's a bit of distressing news for the king as well. Nemesis' health is failing." Loxias continued.  
"Why is that distressing for the king?" Ranma inquired.  
"Well, Nemesis was the one who killed his wife. If he dies before King Reginald can have his revenge..." Michael began.  
"Well, we can use that as a possible bargaining chip. Michael, what about Butterscotch? What forces are there?" Ranma asked.  
"The three Princes, Timothy, Anthony and Daniel. They're guarding the land per their father's request. They hold the portal gem in a secret location," Michael explained, "Anyone who asked about it's location was beaten up and thrown in prison. Not only that, but we heard them reading a letter from the King. If they're attacked, they're to flee to the Hero Gates"  
"So it's location is obviously entrusted only to the Princes. We'll have to be sneaky and capture all three." Ranma noted.  
Ranma looked at the Fairy Lynn, "Lynn, what forces are in the castle"  
"Only the King's finest. He's been gathering up his most powerful heroes or his most trusted to undergo special training for a duel with us. Not only that, but there's a rumor that they may employ the Stone Knights, but we were unable to find out their location, what they might be ordered to do or anything about weaknesses. All we do know is that one of the Stone Knights is protecting the final Portal Gem within it's body." Lynn announced.  
"Well, let's try capturing Butterscoth and Cherry Blossom. Once we have the entire continent and Nemesis under foot, we'll try bargaining one last time with Reginald." Ranma explained.  
"It's nice to see that you're still feeling compassionate, considering what the king tried." Horny commented.  
"Hey, if it were my daughters, I would have tried too. That's why I can't hold it against him." Ranma answered, "I just wish he'd wake up and realize that he's not going to win. We've got him outnumbered completely and even if his men are the best, they're doomed against our forces"  
"If I may be so bold, Ranma, I think the problem lies primarily in good faith." Loxias spoke up, "The King has trusted keepers before only to see his good faith trampled on. Perhaps if we crush Nemesis' forces and offer up Nemesis to the King for judgement"  
"It's an idea. I don't want to kill the old man or leave him locked up to rot away in a prison. Family is important, even if they can be incredibly thick-headed dunderheads." Ranma responded.

Fabius was a skilled strategist and tactician... of a sort. While he was capable of matching beginner keepers, his skills at command and practicality were merely average at best. In the harshest truth, he sucked big time compared to his father.  
However, what Fabius lacked in intelligence, he more than made up in charisma and quick problem solving. His minions were always happy and though they were likely going to die, their complaints rarely lasted long. Fabius took care of their needs quickly. He also had numerous traps to help defend his domain, meaning that his minions were not without support fire.  
Faust, the younger of the two brothers, was the one who had inherited his father's brilliance in combat. When it came to training his creatures for practical combat and tactical movements, he was genius-level.  
However, Faust did not believe in doors or traps at all. He relied entirely on his creatures to defend himself. While not a bad idea in terms of cash expenditure and hassle (trolls and bile demons were some of the biggest whiners in Faust's eyes), his dungeon heart was left unprotected should someone best his creatures.  
One would wonder how in the world the two brothers would have started fighting in such a manner as to require their father to interfere. Until one realized that there were two more things that the brothers had inherited from their father.  
Arrogance and pride.  
When they'd killed Lord Ronin, they had argued about who should claim his portal gem. It had been largely Fabius' forces who'd done the deed, but it had been Faust' brilliant tactical movements that had allowed his brother's warriors to do so. In their arguing, Keeper Malachi had slipped in and claimed the portal gem from the two arguing brothers.  
Then, they'd argued over who should kill him. In their arguing, they lost the portal gem to Ranma's forces, who swept in like a tsunami and crushed everything in sight. The two brothers argued again, this time over who's fault it was that the portal gem had been lost.  
Then, one of Fabius' imps had killed one of Faust' imps. Faust had returned by killing that imp. Fabius, who had not seen the first slaying, killed one of Faust.  
It had cascaded from there.  
Both brothers had been waiting for their father to get tired of their fighting and just allow them to go at it. That way, they could prove once and for all who the better was.  
Now that they were in Cherry Blossom, there was no way in hell their father would allow them their fight... at least, not while he was alive. But neither brother dared attack their beloved father, daft though he might be for wanting to take on a keeper who was as awesomely powerful as Ranma with what little they could muster via the portals Cherry Blossom provided.  
However, if Keeper Ranma were to banish their father, they could flee and take their own sweet time getting their revenge. But it would be whomever won their private fight who would carry that vengence through. It had been one of the few things they'd agreed on. So, they began building their dungeons, silently glaring at each other, even though they were at least a mile apart.

Nemesis grew more and more nervous. Reports of what Ranma was doing had yet to come in, even though Nemesis had sent five high level rogues to investigate. They should have been back hours ago.  
Keepers developed special senses as they grew old. One of which was knowing when something had gone wrong. Another was sensing when an enemy had claimed a portal. Ranma hadn't claimed one, even though he was near two. And the rogues were skilled enough to ignore any traps.  
Nemesis got the feeling he had just thrown away five perfectly good rogues.  
No matter, his portals would cover for them. The only annoying part was that he would have to let the newbies train a lot before they were up to the level of his other creatures. That just infuriated Nemesis more.  
Ranma, on the other hand, was smiling as he watched the rogues spin on the torture racks. Nemesis had been a fool to send anyone to scout his position.  
He sent some imps to claim the portals. It was time to gather his fighting force and planning a course of attack.  
The one thing he didn't like about moving his Temporary Heart was that he had to build a fighting force from whatever came through the portals. It was one of the powers that portal gems had, to prevent all but those entering through a preset portal or those directly connected to a Dungeon Heart from entering. Occassionally one could bring a small fighting force with them, but that was a drain on his mana and on the bodies of those that were brought with.  
Sure, his forces could go and claim the land above the Dungeon, but that did little as far as defeating the enemy below ground went.  
Admittedly, that was one of the weaknesses of the Dungeon Heart. The good news was that once the remaining portal gems were his, he could move his entire army at will.  
His advertisements were in the local towns, and any creatures not yet aligned with him had the chance to sign on via the portals. All they had to do was think very strongly about joining keepers in general or a specific keeper and they would be pulled to his dungeon.  
Warlocks and mistresses seemed to be the most common at the beginning, followed shortly by salamanders and dark knights. A few goblins showed up as well as a firefly, a troll and three bile demons. A good start for a dungeon. Besides, he wasn't in the habit of tossing creatures away.  
The first problem was teaching them the basics of the Saotome Ryuu. It wasn't much of a problem once he offered a bonus to the paycheck of anyone who learned it. All of them were willing to learn once the word 'bonus' and 'paycheck' were placed near each other. After all, what could it hurt to at least check out the Saotome Ryuu.  
The second problem was getting everyone a lair. For some unknown reason, the creatures had a tendency to head for any old spot. This wound up with the warlocks and mistresses taking the lairs in the workshop, which were meant for the bile demons and trolls, while said bile demons and trolls took the ones meant for the dark knights and salamanders. It cascaded from there.  
And finally, he had to deal with the complaints. The trolls, bile demons and fireflies would often go exploring when they weren't doing anything else and that wound them up nearly half a mile away from food when they got hungry.  
When it was all said and done, a Keeper felt more like being a mother hen than an actual would-be conquerer. The first thing Ranma did, when his forces were sufficiently trained, was to smash a nearby outpost set up by the king. He captured a force of several fairies, a wizard, a few elven archers, two knights, three dwarves and one royal guard.  
Once they, like the rogues Nemesis had sent, had been converted, Ranma created some lairs and a hatchery in the outpost for his new warriors. He also claimed the temple to the Dark Gods that they'd been guarding.  
The next move was to get rid of Nemesis' support.  
Simultaneously, he was monitoring the situation at another Dungeon in Butterscotch. His forces there were preparing to capture the princes. If he had all the cards, it might entice King Reginald to FINALLY give in. Ranma had no desire to kill the King.

Prince Daniel frowned as he looked at the stones where a door had once been.  
"Where's the gate?" Daniel asked.  
His entourage shrugged in confusion. The gateway had been right in front of them as they walked down this particular walkway. Ian, Prince Daniel's personal aide and royal guard, patted the rubble, "A cave in. I guess we'll just have to use one of your brother's gates to leave in an emergency. It would take hours to move this"  
Prince Daniel scowled, "Let's get going then. If Keeper Ranma is around here, we may not get a chance to leave if we dally"  
The instant the Prince had left, two imps on the far side of the 'rubble' fell over laughing.

Nemesis had warned his sons of probable attack. The only advantage they had was that Ranma would be fighting with fewer troops than normal, thanks to the portal gem. Most of the other fools who'd allied with Nemesis and had claimed portal gems had lost themselves to ego and had been summarily destroyed by Ranma.  
However, now his son Fabius was under assault by Ranma's forces. Nemesis had sent some reinforcements, but it was unlikely that they would reach Fabius in time.  
Then, he felt it. The collapse of Fabius' Dungeon Heart.  
Can this be true?! Nemesis cried inwardly.  
It did not take long to confirm it as Nemesis cast Sight of Evil to view the room of Fabius' Dungeon Heart.  
Choking back tears, Nemesis sent a message to his other son, "My son, your brother, has been killed! I swear that his slayer shall die as well"  
Faust stared at his brother's fallen Dungeon Heart as well. He had not felt the destruction as keenly as his father, but the news of his brother's death had made his blood boil.  
He may have wanted to see his brother defeated, but he still cared for his older sibling enough to want him to remain alive. His tactical genius fell apart in the storm of rage that swallowed his body.  
The rage was quelled by surprise as his own dungeon was breached and a band of knights, supported by a wizard, several fairies and five elven archers; charged into Faust's dungeon.  
His own forces quickly rushed to meet the intruders, but were quickly smashed down by the unrelenting warriors under Ranma's command, despite the numerous spells Faust cast to aid his forces and weaken Ranma's.  
Faust couldn't understand why Ranma's knights hadn't fallen as one took a full hail of magical arrows to the torso. Suddenly, he watched as the magical arrows slid out of the knight's armor and clattered to floor and the knight renewed his charge. Then the chilling reality struck him as he realized he'd forgotten that Ranma too was a powerful keeper and was healing his creatures as soon as they were injuried.  
Faust had no one to blame but himself as a cocky looking teenager strode into his dungeon, waltzing past the fighting as if it weren't even taking place, and smashing the supports on Faust's Dungeon Heart before he could snap out of his shocked stupor.  
Nemesis trembled. His two sons, both dead before their father. Tears ran down the aged keeper's face as he roared out a challenge to Ranma, "YOU'VE SLAIN THE SONS I HOLD MOST DEAR! NOW, REVENGE IS ALL I HAVE TO LIVE FOR! SO, PREPARE TO DIE MOST HORRIBLY"  
Nemesis was an old keeper, but also a very powerful one in his own regard. He hurried to his temple and prayed. There was but one thing he had to offer to the few Dark Gods who were not going to change.  
His wish was granted by the Dark God Havoc, who sent Nemesis a precious gift.  
The red giant roared as he flexed his muscles from his long slumber, barring his two inches long fangs. He had a white horn on both sides of his head and his eyes glowed yellow. He carried a massive scythe, wore a chainmail loincloth and a black nose ring sticking from his pig-like snout. Two wicked-looking shoulder guards with spikes pointing outward and metal boots were the only other things that he wore.  
The beast looking down at the piddling keeper and spoke in a voice that commanded the highest respect, "WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME SLAY"  
"My enemy and yours is a keeper named Ranma!" Nemesis told the creature.  
"THIS HAD BETTER BE WORTH IT, KEEPER. IF NOT, I WILL COME BACK AND SLAY YOU TOO." the monster warned.  
"It will be worth it to me, Reaper! Now go forth and kill my enemy in the most gruesome manner possible!" Nemesis told it.  
The Reaper snarled at the command, but strode forth, smashing through the traps and doors in his way, and walking over any creatures foolish enough to wander into his path.

Ranma sensed it's presense long before he and his forces saw it. The water boiled around the Reaper's feet as it strode straight towards Ranma. The elven archers and fairies let loose with a massive hail of arrows and lightning bolts, but Ranma knew that would not be enough.  
Indeed, the spells and arrows simply bounced off the Reaper's mighty body. An explosion in front of Ranma signalled the summoning of Horny. The Horned Reaper snarled as he rose from the ground.  
"Horny? I didn't call you..." Ranma began.  
"This is a foe only I can deal with, Master." Horny responded, hefting his scythe.  
"HORNICULUS! YOU SERVE THE FOOL I AM HERE TO SLAY?" the Reaper asked.  
"That is right, Grim." Horny replied.  
Grim the Reaper? What a terrible pun. I bet the Dark God who named him was a comedic RIOT back in ten billion BC. Ranma wryly noted to himself.  
"THIS WAS NOT KNOWN WHEN I WAS SUMMONED. REAPERS ARE FORBIDDEN FROM FIGHTING EACH OTHER." Grim spoke, before turning and walking away.  
Everyone, save Horny, stared after Grim as the Reaper departed. Ranma snapped out of it first when he remembered that since the Reapers were limited in number, the Dark Gods wouldn't want them fighting each other as it would lead to one or the other's demise.  
"As I said, only I could deal with him." Horny declared.  
"Just out of curiosity, how did you two know each other?" Ranma asked.  
"I didn't. All Reapers instinctively know another Reaper's name. It was to prevent wizards from tricking us with fake Reapers or illusions so that we could not slay them. However, by calling that law into effect, I cannot help you in your battle against Nemesis." Horny answered.  
"Oh." Ranma stated, "Well then, I've got a different job for you"  
Meanwhile, Nemesis was pulling at his hair as he watched the Reaper return, tell him that his soul had been given back, and begin to leave.  
"Why?!" Nemesis demanded.  
"BECAUSE HE HAD A REAPER OF HIS OWN. I CANNOT FIGHT ANOTHER REAPER. HOWEVER, HE TOO CANNOT USE HIS REAPER AGAINST YOU. CONSIDER YOURSELF FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE SPARED A SLAYING BY ONE OF US." Grim responded before entering the Temple and vanishing back to his god's side.  
Nemesis stopped. If Ranma had a Reaper at his side the entire time, then no wonder he'd been so unstoppable. The Reapers were to everything else what a human was to an ant.  
But now, without his Reaper tearing through his enemy's forces like tissue paper, Nemesis may actually be able to gain the upper hand. It was time to begin the final levels of training in preparation of repelling Ranma's forces.

Prince Daniel stared at the sight of another cave in.  
"That's insane! Two cave ins?!" Prince Daniel asked his brother.  
Prince Timothy nodded.  
"BROTHERS! Lava swallowed up the bridge to my gate-is that a cave in?" Prince Anthony inquired, staring at the cave in.  
"It would seem all of the gateways out have been blocked." Timothy noted.  
"Correction, all of YOUR gateways out have been blocked. Ours are just fine." Horny declared.  
The three Princes turned to see Horny, a legion of dark knights and ten dark angels surrounding them.  
"Ohh... shit..." the princes declared in unison.

Ranma was indeed impressed as his forces began smashing through Nemesis' walls and beginning the massive assault on the aged Keeper. Nemesis was no fool. He'd placed hundreds of traps around his dungeon, knowing that his creatures would need every bit of assistance that he could muster.  
Ranma marched forward, deflecting or canceling every projectile or attack thrown his way as he set about smashing every trap and door Nemesis had created. He paused every so often to heal anyone who was severely injured.  
However, Nemesis' forces were fated to lose as Ranma's imps neutralized Nemesis' claimed land before claiming it for Ranma. Soon, Nemesis had lost too much mana to support his creatures regularly and operate his traps at the same time.  
After a full hour of combat, Nemesis' dungeon lay in ruin. The traps, lacking sufficient mana to fire, had been shattered. His creatures were rendered unconscious and hauled off to the prison or killed and dragged to the graveyard. The doors had been shattered, his land had been claimed. The only thing remaining was his Dungeon Heart and himself.  
Ranma had to respect Nemesis for the simple fact that he'd done far better than any other Keeper Ranma had faced.  
Nemesis snarled defiantly from the steps of his Dungeon Heart as he gazed at the forces that had destroyed his dungeon and slain his sons.  
"So, you're going to kill me, just like you did my sons." Nemesis growled.  
"I haven't killed anyone. I simply destroyed their Dungeon Hearts when they were too busy trying to defend against my army." Ranma responded.  
Nemesis arched an eyebrow. His sons had only been banished. That was a relief. His legacy would be carried on yet.  
"And now, you're going to banish me, am I right?" Nemesis asked.  
"No, you're my hostage." Ranma answered.  
Nemesis frowned in confusion.

"Sire! Look up at the sky!" Armace, the Court Wizard, cried.  
King Reginald looked up from his courtyard to see a massive face appeared. He didn't recognize the pigtailed boy at all.  
"King Reginald," the boy's image spoke, "I am Ranma Saotome, the Keeper who has conquered your entire kingdom, barring your castle"  
"WHAT?!" Reginald demanded, surprised that such a young man could have conquered his realm.  
Ranma's left eyebrow quirked briefly, but he continued, "Forgive my indirect communication up until now, as I am not from your world and it has taken me a while to learn spells like this one. I appear before you with an offer. The last Portal Gem and the Gateway in exchange for your kingdom, your children and... Keeper Nemesis"  
Ranma moved aside to show a Dungeon Heart with an old man sitting on the stairs. Reginald, meanwhile, was realizing that his sons had been captured as well.  
Ranma continued, "This is Nemesis. I have destroyed his entire dungeon. All that remains is him and his Dungeon Heart. In front of your castle is a gateway. You may send whatever forces you want to destroy Nemesis and you may even have your wizards make the gateway permanent. I have rendered Nemesis' Dungeon Heart incapable of high magic and my forces are leaving. I will keep a few imps behind to monitor, but that is all. If you accept this offer, give a note to my imps saying so. If not, then at least you will have revenge for your departed wife. I recommend you not take too long as Nemesis' Dungeon Heart will not stay helpless forever and Nemesis' health itself is failing. I bid you good day"  
"Armace-" King Reginald began.  
"We've already checked. He and three imps were the only other ones within a ten mile radius and that IS Nemesis." Armace responded.  
"... Get Glynn. We'll send him through, just in case. Reinforce that portal and get every available guard around it. I don't want a sneak attack." Reginald commanded.  
"And the exchange?" Armace inquired.  
"Never. Even if he keeps his word and gives them back, he could simply return again and conquer us all." Reginald growled, "Never again shall I trust a Keeper."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Portals - The Portal Gems act as an ECM, blocking any non-  
stabilized magical gateways. Dungeon Hearts with Portal Gems are 'stabilized', but any non-keeper or non-imps who go with the Dungeon Heart are drained of strength, essentially resetting their strength (resetting them back to Level 1). Portals and Mercenary Portals act as other stabilized points, but this is why all creatures have to enter or already exist in the areas Ranma goes to conquer.  
This is also why Ranma and other Keepers must claim land before they can drop creatures on it, because the 'hand' acts as a minature dimension door or gateway.

Next time, on Dungeon Keeper Ranma!  
King Reginald versus Keeper Ranma!  
Horny versus the Stone Knights Erdrick and Glynn!  
Honey, Mina, Relena, Timothy, Anthony and Daniel versus the Elite Royal Guards!  
The best of what's left versus the best of what is!

Properly Applied Motivation and Keeping Those Whiny Creatures In Line!  
There are a lot of ways to motivate your creatures into working harder.  
The first is a simply slap. A single slap will motivate a creature to work 10 harder (their usual is 80), while further ones simply damage creatures. A slap done to creatures in your prison damages them, but beware as it may cause them to die without producing a skeleton or a corpse.  
The second is the drop. By dropping a creature in an area where they can do work (i.e. a warlock in a library, a troll in a workshop or a dark elf in a guard room), you get an extra 10.  
The third is Speed, known only to Monks and Imps. This allows them to work another 10 harder. With these two creatures, combined all of these aspects, it's possible to get 110 efficiency!  
Often, though, if you drop creatures fairly far from a hatchery, lair or treasury (the last one being very important when you get the notice that it's payday and there are empty sections of treasuries), they'll complain that they can't get to a lair. In cases like this, you have to grab them and hurl them into their desired location. If they don't become stunned, you may have to pick them up and drop them again. If they do become stunned, they'll reset and notice the change of location.  
With creatures that are hungry, but you need them where they are (such as training, in a workshop or in a guard room), grab some chickens and drop said chickens on them. They'll stop and eat. If you've dropped roughly 3 to 5 chickens on them, most creatures will return to their normal duties. Since trolls and bile demons are technically always manufacturing while in the workshop so long as they've got the tiny hammer in their flowers (even if they're walking around a forge!), this will maximize how fast a creature will move.  
Creatures also move and perform their jobs fasters as they go up in levels. A Level 10 Bile Demon will run circles around a Level 1. Elites can move faster as well, but they require specialized rooms and you only get one of each type (unless you capture and convert an enemy Elite, but that would require you going head to head with another human).

If a creature becomes unhappy (sulking) or angry because of his or her company (i.e. they're in the same 'room' area as one of their natural enemies for too long), there are four things that will get them happy again so that they won't leave your dungeon.  
First, grab some chickens from the nearest hatchery. Then, grab the creature and move them out of the area. Drop the creature, then drop the chickens on their body. If the chickens disappear, then you've fed them properly. Watched to see if an X pattern appears or if the complaint goes away. If they return to their former emotion (angry, sad or sulking), then go to the next step.  
Pick them up again. Find a spot clear of any of their enemies and create a single spot of lair. Drop them on it and make sure they make a new home there. If they are still sulking, go to step three.  
Create a micro area of the area they work in. If it's a library or a workshop, make it the usual 3x3. Drop them in it. If they stop complaining, then that's that. If not, then you need step 4.  
Step 4 is paying them a small amount to shut the hell up. Tap the numbers displaying your gold a few times. Each tap should give you about a hundred gold. Drop this money on the creature and make SURE that they and ONLY they get the money. Make absolutely sure the money doesn't simply fall on the ground. If you're having trouble paying them (this happens a lot if the camera angle is bad or if the creature is a fast one, like the elves or fireflies), then pick them up and drop them. This SHOULD stun them long enough for you to pay them.

You'll sometimes run into ambigious notifications that don't give you a way of find the complaining creature. It'll be something like "Your creatures are unable to get to a lair.", "Your creatures are unable to get to a hatchery", etc.  
If this pops up, systematically pick up every creature you have and drop them in a hatchery, including imps.  
There are many causes for these complaints. Usually, it's a creature who's become stuck either in a prison, in a graveyard, in a portal or in the temple. The temple is actually quite infuriating as I've found warlocks and vampires in the sacrificial pool numerous times. I figure they've probably been bumped inside or they're just stupid. In either case, you're best off creating a temple in a low traffic zone, creating a wider traffic zone (i.e. tearing out the current walls so that there's more room for other creatures to circle around) or by selling the center most piece. This will revert most of the temple into flat ground, which your creatures can't DIE in. 


	9. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 9

-  
Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 09: Showdown By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

Ranma looked at the castle forged from a mountain. Even on a map, he had to admit that the sight was very impressive. King Reginald could no doubt already see the army gathering around the mountain.  
"All right, this is where everything comes down. From what I've heard, Reginald has gathered every single person capable of fighting in his castle, but it's divided into two sections. The first is the castle above and the second is the inner sanctum. They both have gateways to allow his men to partol both the castle and the inner sanctum." Ranma began, "Which is why we're going to split into two groups and finish this fast and hard, just like we did with Butterscotch and Cherry Blossom. I'm going to take Horny with me, because those Stone Knights are probably going to be too much for anyone else to handle"  
Ranma motioned to Zenobia, Zachariach and Almeric, "Almeric is going to be in charge of the overall battle plan for the castle invasion. Zenobia will be in charge of coordinating artillery while Zachariach will be in charge of coordinating infantry. You three, I want to see as few corpses as reasonably possible. That way, we'll have less problems to deal with when this comes to an end"  
Ranma folded his arms over his chest, "But don't risk yourselves trying to capture a few people. If you need to, blast them into unconsciousness, then let an imp drag them to the prison," Ranma turned to Lunder, "Lundar, I want you and the monks of St. Cuthbert on hand at the prison to heal ANYONE who's severely wounded or worse. Any healers not associated with the St. Cuthbert group will be at the rear of the invasion," Ranma turned to his two best blacksmiths, "Knud, Bloz, I want you and your kin to make some iron buildings for the injured to take refuge in"  
"Just take and hold the castle. I'll send word to Almeric of our progress every hour or so and vice versa. I want you all to do your very best, because this is the final battle. There is no pulling back and there is no stopping until we've captured the castle and inner sanctum, defeated the king and obtained the final portal gem." Ranma stated.  
"That's all." Ranma finished.  
As one, the various leaders exited the room. The only ones who remained were the princes and the princesses.  
"Something up?" Ranma asked.  
"Ranma, we need to discuss our father." Timothy declared.  
"I know what you're going to ask. I won't kill your father. Hell, if at all possible, I won't take his kingdom either." Ranma replied.  
The six siblings blinked.  
"What do you mean?" Mina asked.  
"This has never been about killing your father or conquering his kingdom. Those just happened to be side effects of gathering the portal gems so I can go home." Ranma told them, "A stupid perverted old man on my world cast a spell that wound up banishing me here. Why do you think I kept asking for the portal gems"  
"You're serious about not wanting father's kingdom?" Honey asked.  
"I'm not a ruler. I've been helping out the towns and villages I come across, but ultimately, they're still the same towns and villages they were when they were under your father's rule. I just had to kill some of his lords." Ranma responded, "In any case, we've still got to deal with your father. Hopefully when I get the last portal gem and still offer his kingdom back, he'll understand too"  
Ranma left the room, leaving the six siblings to contemplate his words. They'd been dreading a fight with their father, but now... it seemed as though Ranma truly wasn't after the kingdom or their father's head, like all the other keepers.  
If that were the case, they would still fight beside him, this time, it would be without doubt.

Zenobia felt it was strange seeing Princess Mina preparing a super firebomb to launch at her former home castle. It was nice to see that the Princess was just as honest as everyone else on the field, even if Zenobia knew that the princess wouldn't even be out of the torture chamber yet if she'd been at all dishonest in her changing loyalties.  
It just felt a bit surreal for all of Reginald's children to be in the lines of the army that would assault the castle. Had the keeper been anyone save Ranma, Zenobia sincerely doubted that the princesses would have given in at all.  
Throughout the entire army, nervousness and tensions ran through everyone's mind. Though they'd been a figurative tsunami in crushing the rest of the continent, this was the last battle and there were very strong possibilities that most of them would be wounded or killed.  
Indeed, having Horny on the battlefield would have eased these thoughts and tensions, but everyone understood that the Reaper was needed against a more powerful foe.  
The frontline knights were wearing the best armor forged. A line behind the armored warriors were the rogues and thieves, who were prepared to give the hero forces something to fear as they prepared for the acrobatics needed to flip over the knights in front of them and strike from behind at the enemy frontline. Goblins, salamanders, dwarves, skeletons and giants all stood ready behind the thieves, ready to fill in for any holes in the frontline so that the imps could drag the fallen back for healing.  
The archers, wizards, vampires, and other spellcasters, such as the mistresses who did not want to be on the front or fairies who were too afraid to go up close or even bile demons who had nothing else left to do, were high on nearby hilltops, preparing for their assault. The vampires wore magical cloaks that protected them from sunlight, the only problem of which lay in the fact that the cloaks only worked once a week.  
Zenobia knew everyone in the artillery understood where to launch their spells, but she felt it was important to reiterate, "Everyone, listen up. I know I don't need to repeat myself, but I want to stress this. Even if the frontline begins to crack, DO NOT FIRE near our frontline. Archers who know Guided Bolt, you are the ONLY exception and I want you to ONLY use that technique when helping out the frontline. Our boys on the frontline have enough to worry about"  
As one, the entire artillery unit nodded.  
"All right, fan out. Choose a spot, cast a barrier spell on yourself and if anyone manages to bust through or evade our lines, I want you all to pull back to me. If you feel an attack, but no one's there, pull back to me. If anyone who is not a fellow wizard or a dark angel approaches, shoot them on the spot. Don't worry, everyone on our side is very clear on that particular rule." Zenobia explained.  
The unit nodded in unison. With a nod from Zenobia, the group fanned out along the hill tops.  
Almeric appeared next to Zenobia, "Word from Ranma. He's found a massive torture chamber beneath the castle. He believes Reginald may have converted some evil creatures to his side. He also has the majority of Lord Pureheart's men. He might try and crush us with his army"  
"That would be suicide, considering how well trained we are." Zenobia explained.  
"Yes, but he has the entire Elite Royal Guard with him. Furthermore, it's repetition that we would least expect from the King." Almeric responded.  
"I don't think so. Even the Dragoons know better than to tangle with this many warriors at once." Zenobia disagreed.  
Almeric considered that, "Well, one thing is for certain, he's probably loaded the entire mountain with various traps. He'll want us to charge up in his defenses, which will weaken our forces considerably"  
Zenobia nodded, "We should send imps to check the mountain"  
Almeric agreed.

Ranma was impressed with the winding layout and the number of staging posts that King Reginald had created beneath his castle so that his men could search the various areas for Ranma's Dungeon Heart.  
Ranma was no fool, though. He'd chosen his Dungeon's location carefully so that it was surrounded by solid rock on at least one side. That way, he knew which direction the enemy could NOT come from. His imps had already destroyed almost all of the advanced staging points. The only ones remaining were the ones that were around the king directly.  
Ranma knew there were others because he could sense gate energies still activating from time to time. No doubt the castle guard reporting on his army's positioning. There were only two things that were keeping Ranma from invading the castle from below and finishing the war. The first was the fact that he was outflanking King Reginald's forces to make certain his new forces weren't ambushed. The second was the insufficient training of his forces. They'd take another few days.  
Then, Ranma felt Almeric sending him a message requesting some expendable imps to set off the traps surrounding the mountain. Ranma glanced at the spare twenty five he had and sent them to Almeric with a notice that he'd send more as they were destroyed.  
Meanwhile, King Reginald looked at the two stone knights, Glynn and Erdrick. The line of Erdrick had lasted hundreds of years,  
possibly even millenia. Indeed, in even Reginald and his children lay the blood of Erdrick. Erdrick and his descendents were famous for hunting down and destroying evil. Glynn had been one of Erdrick's descendents who'd proven to be a great king as well as a great hero. Thus, the two stone knights had been named after the two legendary figures.  
The two knights stood around the final portal gem, guarding it against all who sought to capture it. It had been that way since the construction of the two stone golems. They could see through illusions and invisibility spells, they were immune to all attack magics and being solid stone, were not easily damaged. On top of all that, unless the stone knights were successfully destroyed within one hour, they would regenerate from all damage dealt to them.  
"Sir, Ranma's army gathers around the mountain base. They are using imps to discover traps and dismantle them." Armace declared, entering the room.  
"Then you have permission to fire at will. Slay anything that gets within firing distance." Reginald declared.  
Armace bowed.  
King Reginald looked at the two stone knights and wondered if there was anything he had done that his ancestors would have done differently. He shook his head.  
It was a little too late to do the second guessing.

When a rain of two hundred arrows and fifty fireballs flew down on the imps, a blizzard of quarrels, arrows, lightning bolts, firebombs and fireballs flew up at the castle. Shortly following the descending arrows was rubble from the castle's walls and towers.  
It was then that the secret doors around the base shattered, allowing a horde of goblins, skeletons, mistresses, warlocks, bile demons, dark elves and dark knights to race out to meet the army, followed shortly by knights, guards and royal guards.  
Zachariach let out a war cry to match that of the enemy's, echoed closely by the entire frontline as they charged forth to meet their enemy. Just as the enemy frontline met that of Ranma's army, fifty rogues and thirty eight thieves leapt over both frontlines to strike at the enemy's back as long distance attacks were exchanged by the supporting magical and non-magical artillery.  
Bagor found himself on the frontline rather quickly as warriors on both sides dealt fast and heavy strikes. It was no longer a question of who had the most skill, it was a question of who could take damage and dish right back with greater feriocity.  
The relative strengths of both sides ripples like a wave and Bagor found himself in the center of a swarm of knights. He blocked and dodged as best as he could, but a blade found his stomach while another severed his right arm.  
The world turned into sky as Bagor toppled backwards to the unforgiving ground. He barely acknowledging the sudden steady tug on his leather armor or the distinct sight of an imp picking up his right arm and carrying it along.  
Michael and Lotus too found themselves in the center of the enemy's knights. Lotus blocked a sword while casting a lightning bolt straight into the knight's helmet. The knight screamed and stumbled backwards, allowing another knight to take his place. Michael grit his teeth as he slashed wildly. He felt his sanity slipping as his opponents scored more and more hits through his enchanted armor.  
As another blade bit into his side, Michael roared, smashing away every knight in front of him as if they were paper dolls before a tornado. With that, his strength failed him and Michael toppled forward onto the ground, his blood beginning to pool around him.  
Lotus took only a second to glance at her lover, but it was a fatal second as a firebomb struck her leg and a knight's blade buried itself into her collarbone. Lotus choked out a whimper as she fell back onto Michael's fallen form.  
Luckily for Lotus and Michael, they weren't standing when the torrent of gas missiles struck several of the knights who'd surrounded them square in the helmets. The smell rose quickly, causing all of the knights to keel over, emptying their stomachs on the dirt, just before seventeen arrows and quarrel struck down each of said knights.  
Twelve imps appeared, grabbing Michael and Lotus first, then the fallen enemy knights. The enemy knights were teleported to the nearest prison while Lotus and Michael were dragged away to the makeshift hospital.  
Maidel was on the wrong side of a swarm of enemy goblins, but that was not a problem for her as she gathered magical energy in on herself and unleashed a storm of lightning, striking down every enemy goblin within a thirty foot diameter.  
Zachariach and his fellow dark angels swooped down and cleared a path for Maidel and every other warrior who'd fallen inside the enemy frontline, using Skeleton Army and various other attacks at their disposal to widen gaps enough for the swarmed warriors to retreat.  
At least they did that until a figure wearing blazing red armor appeared in the sky, followed by five others, each wearing winged armor of a different color. The colors of the others were Purple, Green, Blue, Black and White.  
"I guess these are the Elite Royal Guards." Zachariach commented.  
The leader of the elite Dragoons, Dart, raised his sword in one hand while gesturing at the dark angels with the other, "YOUR EVIL REIGN ENDS HERE"  
"Can you not say something that clichèd?" Zachariach requested.  
Dart growled angrily, his blondish-brown hair whipping wildly behind him as he dashed forward and slashed at Zachariach. The Elite Dark Angel blocked and was amazed as he was thrown earthward by the force of the strike. He managed to spin out of his descent and flew back up at his opponent, just as the white armored female Dragoon, who was armed with a bow, fired a shot into the sky and called out, "Star Children"  
The Dark Angels were struck by hundreds of minute meteors, each with the force of a twenty pound sledgehammer. The ten flying warriors found themselves cratering the landscape below.  
"Good work, Shana." Dart told the white Dragoon.  
Shana blushed. The black female dragoon, Rose, spoke up as she pointed her rapier at the rising Dark Angels, "We're not finished yet. Don't pat yourselves on the back until we've beaten them"  
Honey helped Zachiarach up as her brothers helped up the various other Dark Angels.  
"I didn't think we'd be facing the Dragoons." Honey growled just as Mina teleported herself and Relena to the frontline.  
"Any ideas on how to beat them?" Zachiarach inquired.  
Mina spoke up, "The Dragoons are boosted by the souls of Dragons, making them that much more powerful when fully realized. We need to hit them with overwhelming power. We're going to be beaten back otherwise"  
"Signal Zenobia to attack them. We'll charge in just afterwards." Zachiarach told Mina.  
Mina fired a blue fireball at the Dragoons. Dart snorted and swatted it aside just before over a hundred similar spells started flying at the Dragoons. The group dove under the spells only to be forced lower by a hail of arrows and quarrels. So low, that they didn't notice that they were near the ground until a giant grabbed Green Dragoon's leg and slammed him into the ground. A swarm of giants surrounded the Green Dragoon and began stomping him and striking him with their heavy clubs.  
"ALBERT!" Purple Dragoon called out.  
Purple Dragoon dove at the giants in an effort to break them up, only to be bodychecked by Daniel.  
"Haschel!" Blue Dragoon cried, followed by Dart's panicked call of, "MASTER"  
"MERU, DART! IT'S TOO STUPID TO GO DOWN THERE!" Rose shouted.  
Meru the Blue Dragoon and Dart dove as well, ignoring Rose's warning. Rose slapped a hand over her eyes in disgust as both Meru and Dart were ambushed by Timothy and Honey.

"Sire, the Dragoons are engaging the enemy." Armace told King Reginald.  
"And what of the patrols around the Inner Sanctum?" King Reginald asked.  
Armace paused, trying to figure out how to best phrase it, "Um, they haven't reported in"  
"In over three hours?" King Reginald inquired, arching an eyebrow.  
"Um, we could send-" Armace began.  
"No. If they haven't reported in, that means Ranma is here. Gather up everyone not aiding in the fight at the castle down here. We make our stand here." King Reginald told Armace.  
"You can call them, but they won't come." Ranma responded.  
Armace turned, only to catch the butt of Horny's scythe in the stomach. The court wizard keeled over, coughing heavily, just before Horny struck him in his shiatsu sleeping point.  
King Reginald faced the boy who had conquered his kingdom. Ranma was amazed that much venom could fit into a single glare.  
"King Reginald, I hereby challenge you to a duel for the final portal gem." Ranma declared.  
King Reginald huffed as he pointed one of his two swords at Ranma, "I couldn't give it to you, even if I wanted to"  
Ranma arched an eyebrow, "How so"  
King Reginald smiled for the first time in a long while and it was not a kind smile, "I've instructed the Stone Knights to defend the portal gem against ANYONE who tries to take it, even me"  
Ranma took that in stride, shrugging in an unconcerned fashion, "Eh. Then, I hereby challenge you to a duel for access to the Gate Room and for the complete surrender of your forces"  
King Reginald was almost awestruck by Ranma's audacity. If it didn't remind him of Nemesis' declarations, he might have openly gawked.  
"Very well. If I win, you leave this land and my children, never to return ever." King Reginald responded.  
Ranma nodded. The King lunged, slashing an intricate pattern that Ranma couldn't easily dodge. He had to leap backwards...

Zenobia growled under her breath in frustration. Either King Reginald had managed to capture or recover EVERY SINGLE MONSTER that Ranma's army had crushed, as well as some old types of monsters that Zenobia had heard of, but never seen, such as dragons, giant beetles, giant flies, giant spiders, demon spawn, orcs, and tentacles (which were basically claws with four legs) or there was a lot of summoning magic known to the remaining wizards in Reginald's army. Who or whatever was summoning those creatures had to be a wizard, and a very powerful one at that. The problem was finding the wizard responsible.  
The fight against the Dragoons was getting worse and worse as the Dragoons proved themselves very resilient and capable of unleashing attacks, even when thoroughly overwhelmed.  
Even the Dark Angels found themselves wishing Horny was present to aid them. The Horned Reaper would have put all six Dragoons on the ground and kept them there.  
The annoying thing was that the armor allowed them to heal gradually. Further frustrating matters was that both Rose and Shana had the ability to heal the others, Shana by simply using healing magic and Rose by draining the health of a particular target.  
Haschel and Albert were down for the count, at least. Both warriors had been the first ambushed and thus, the first successfully defeated.  
If only the others were so easy.

In terms of skill, King Reginald had all of his lords beat hands down, save for Lord Pureheart. However, had Ranma allowed himself all of the magical abilities and spells that he'd gained from his minions, he would have already won.  
Ranma slid under one of the crosscuts aimed at neck-level and launched a palm-heel strike that dented the old king's armor and sent the proud warrior stumbling back, but not before one of his blades nicked Ranma's forehead and cut some of his hair. Ranma was about to cast a healing spell, but he stopped himself. Healing the scrape would also revitalize him and that would be unfair to the King.  
Ranma wanted Reginald to feel he'd had a decent chance of actually hurting Ranma, which the king apparently did, as no one else from his forces had so much as scratched him. Ranma ducked and rolled away as Reginald nearly beheaded him.  
"You were distracted." Reginald noted.  
Ranma apologized, "Sorry, just impressed that you actually scratched me. Your other men didn't so much as hurt me. Save for your friend Pureheart, who managed to knock Horny around, I was getting to think no one was near the level I am at"  
"You're an arrogant brat and an egotistical monster." Reginald commented.  
"Hey, I'd understand the arrogant and possibly the egotistical, but I'm not a brat or a monster. True, I have killed some of your men, but I was trying to save as many as I could." Ranma retorted, dodging Reginald's dual swords and noting that had the king been faster, Ranma probably wouldn't have the leisure of talking while he dodged, "Besides, I've heard about the training you and your men underwent and I realized why I was beating you guys so easily"  
Reginald grew more and more angry as Ranma dodged his every strike with an inch to spare, "How's that"  
"I've been training since I was able to walk. The level of training you went through at fourteen was the same that I went through at eight." Ranma responded.  
Reginald wasn't focusing on the conversation anymore. He was simply attacking Ranma as fast as he could. Ranma decided to shut up and focus on dodging, as Reginald's slashes became faster and more unpredictable.  
It wasn't long before Ranma found himself deflecting Reginald's swords with pokes or flathand chops at the flats of his swords. Growing more and more frustrated at the fact that Reginald's speed was steadily rising, Ranma shattered the sword in Reginald's left hand.  
Reginald tossed the broken sword away and continued slashing at Ranma with renewed vigor. Ranma had heard of second winds, but Reginald seemed to be having a second youth, as Ranma found tears in his clothing appear. Ranma grimaced as he noticed that the king was managing to nick him as well.  
Ranma decided that enough was enough. He spun and lashed out at the king with a powerful sidekick, sending the aged monarch crashing backwards into a wall. The king groaned, but did not get up.  
"Sorry about that, King Reginald, but I couldn't just let you kill me." Ranma responded, before turning to Horny, "Horny, time to get us the final portal gem"  
Erdrick and Glynn's eyes flared yellow as the two fighters approached. Ranma ducked Glynn's blade while Horny slashed at Erdrick. Horny's snarl faded to a sorrowful expression as Erdrick pulled the scythe away from the Reaper, then struck the giant demon, sending Horny spinning away.  
Erdrick charged Horny from behind, but the Reaper was more infuriated than terrified. He lashed out with a powerful mule kick that cratered Erdrick's chest as it catapulted the stone knight against a wall, where the golem shattered.  
Ranma danced around Glynn's blade. The stone knight was fairly quick for something made out of stone and had a resistance to even the Welcome Gate Iron Fingers technique (which only left three holes in the stone monolith) and the Demon God Assault Bomb (each blade sheered about a fingernail's thickness off), however, it's speed was nothing to Ranma's, resulting in a temporary stalemate.  
At least until Horny charged and smashed the stone knight to be pieces.  
"Thanks, big guy." Ranma said, wiping sweat from his brow. He was more exhuasted from the number of Yamasenken techniques he tried against Glynn.  
Horny grabbed the final portal gem from it's pedestal and handed it to Ranma. Ranma touched it to the Gate Gem, completing the artifact. With that done, Ranma approached Reginald's fallen form.  
King Reginald blinked in surprise as he felt as though someone had not only healed him, but given him a spa treatment. He felt revitalized, he felt younger, he noticed who'd healed him.  
"Why?" King Reginald asked.  
"This may be hard to believe, King Reginald, but getting home was my only goal. Conquering this continent was a side effect. I never had,  
nor would I ever have, any intention of killing you or taking your throne.  
I'm a good Keeper, but that doesn't equate to being a good King. That's why you can have your kingdom back." Ranma responded.  
King Reginald stared into Ranma's eyes. Ranma had beaten him and the stone knights, taken his land, had his children as possible ransom and despite all that, he was giving King Reginald his kingdom back.  
The monarch sighed deeply, "I suppose you are right. I'd known that since Titus had sent word that you wanted to trade the rest of the continent for the other portal gems, but I was too proud"  
"Hey, I wasn't exactly understanding of your feelings either. Truce?" Ranma asked, offering the king his hand.  
"Aye." King Reginald took it and allowed Ranma to help him up.  
"Well, then, we'd better stop the fight outside." Ranma declared.  
King Reginald nodded, then paused, "Ranma, you're a good man. Would you consider staying on as a court advisor and general? I seem to be lacking a large number of worthy people"  
"Well, I'm going home using the Gate Gem..." Ranma began.  
"Then we'll just have to go back with you." King Reginald responded.  
"EH?!" Ranma asked.  
"This land is from another world anyway. And I don't think it wouldn't truly matter, your minions and the people would follow you anyway. I would have no kingdom." King Reginald responded.  
"Well, if everyone agrees..." Ranma replied reluctantly.  
"Then it's decided." King Reginald stated.

The war was at an end. And though it wasn't exactly an ending everyone was comfortable with, it was an end nonetheless. Keeper Ranma became General Ranma and Lord Titus became General Titus.  
The vote was cast, and literally no one refused. Even the moody hermit trolls and the fireflies did not refuse.  
And as soon as the celebrations were finished, the Gate Gem was used.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Hidden Puns Leichas, the Dark Angel who aided Nemesis, is actually Sachiel backwards (and the 'c' and the 'h' being swapped), who is a real angel,  
specifically, the Angel of Water. He's the first Angel seen in Neon Genesis Evangelion.  
Kain, the Royal Guard who fights with Titus, is actually Kain, a dragoon from Final Fantasy 2 US (or FF4 in Japan). His jumping attack is actually an ability granted to all Dragoons in that series. To make the Royal Guards seem so much more powerful, all but the elites have been replaced with Dragoons from the FF series.  
Dart, Rose, Shana, Haschel, Albert, Meru, the Elite Royal Guard, are also Dragoons, but from Legend of Dragoon. Unlike other Dragoons, the LOD characters have Dragon Souls, which grant them the use of specific elementally-based magic and special charge attacks, as well as the ability to fly. However, these powers can only be used in combat.  
Erdrick and Glynn are from Dragon Warrior. Erdrick is never seen, but he's supposed to be the great hero that all the legendary stuff belonged to. Glynn is a character from DW2, the first ally you gain.

Explanations Demon God Assault Bomb is one of the most deadly attacks in the Yamasenken. It unleashes a massive swarm of vaccuum blades, which were ultimately useless against the Stone Knights.  
Welcome Gate Iron Fingers is a technique meant to break locks or ribcages.

Next time, on Dungeon Keeper Ranma!  
Homecoming. 


	10. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 10

-  
Dungeon Keeper Ranma Chapter 10: Homecoming By A-kun -----------------------------------------------------------

The Gate Gem was an awesomely powerful artifact. It had moved the lost continent of Atlantis to another dimension and was moving the now-renamed continent of Harmonia back to Earth. The Gate Gem, however, modified the tectonic plates so that there would be no earthquakes or volcanoes erupting along or in the Pacific Rim for eight hundred years.  
The Atlantians who'd created it had wanted to make sure they weren't on or around a fault line, after all. Because that was one of the key reasons they'd left.  
The continent appeared halfway between Hawaii and Japan. Yet, despite this, the entire world took no notice, as Ranma had cast a barrier against detection. The only people who might see the continent had to view it with their own eyes.  
Ranma had advised doing that as he knew the media and governments of his world would otherwise storm the island. They had to prepare for the homecoming before they 'appeared' to the world.  
To be honest, Ranma wanted to take care of things back in Nerima first. The last thing he wanted to do was wait around for applications for diplomatic status to come via Japanese Post, then having to deal with all of the other nuances of being a diplomat while trying to see his friends and family in Nerima. He was certain that he should go alone, though.  
However, his ability to teleport refused to get him past the beaches of Harmonia.  
Ranma slapped his forehead as he realized that he hadn't mastered the actual teleport spell, but rather the ability that his imps had. That meant he had to create a Dungeon Heart in Japan, which wouldn't be that big of a problem.

"Ah, good ole' Nerima..." Ranma sighed.  
He walked around, wondering how long it'd been since he was last in Nerima. It seemed like a lifetime ago. He noticed he was near the Ucchan. He wondered if it was still open. He hadn't been in Nerima for an entire year, so it wasn't too unlikely that some of his fiancees had moved away.  
Circling the corner, he saw it just as it had been when he'd left. He entered.  
Ukyou looked pretty much like she had a year ago. She turned to see who it was and caught her greeting before she could speak it, "Ranchan! You're back"  
"Ucchan!" Ranma replied as Ukyou leapt towards him and hugged him. A quick glance told him that she'd just opened.  
"How did you get back? Happousai said he'd banished you, but Cologne was uncertain about what he had done. Apparently, the old man boofed it pretty bad. Cologne thought that it might have thrown you into a far country or even out into space!" Ukyou declared, gesticulating wildly. (No, not MASTURBATING wildly, you perverts)  
"Actually, space and country aren't that far away from what really happened. Sorry that I've been gone a whole year..." Ranma started.  
"A year? What are you talking about? It's only been two weeks." Ukyou responded.  
"Two... weeks?" Ranma asked.  
Ukyou nodded and pointed to the calendar. A red circle surrounded the fifth with the words "Happousai plan". Roughly two weeks had been marked off.  
"I guess time moves differently." Ranma commented.  
"So, where did you go?" Ukyou inquired.  
"It's a place called 'Harmonia', but it's actually Atlantis. They took off for another dimension a really long time ago. It took me an entire year to get back, because I had to con-" Ranma paused slightly. He wasn't sure if he should tell anyone he went about conquering entire nations, "-llecting these things called portal gems"  
"Conllecting? That's not a word, sugar." Ukyou told him.  
"Sorry, I got confused for a second." Ranma apologized.  
"You're a terrible liar, hon." Ukyou informed him.  
"Well, I'd rather not say what I had to do to get them or else you'll think badly of me." Ranma told her.  
"I don't think I'd ever think too badly of you, sugar." Ukyou answered.  
"Anyway, I met a lot of nice people," Ranma started, trying to evade the fact that he met them after he'd conquered a land, "had some fights," brutally murdered a few keepers, lords and their loyal guards and banished numerous keepers, "and made some money while I was at it"  
"Really? How much?" Ukyou asked.  
"Well, this isn't a scratch." Ranma said, producing a bag of golden coins and dropping it on the table. Ukyou looked at the coins, which would have been easily worth between nine hundred thousand to two million in yen.  
"You made more than this?!" Ukyou asked, trying to pick her metaphysical jaw off the ground.  
Ranma nodded.  
"How in the world..." Ukyou began, picking up a coin with a dragon emblem.  
"It was after the fights." Ranma white-lied. It was the truth for the most part, the coins actually were from the fortresses that he'd conquered. His own gold had his mark on it, which was why he didn't bring that along, "I also became close to the king and his children"  
"That's so amazing..." Ukyou said.  
Ranma was ready for more praise. He liked it from everyone, but especially those who knew him before he'd become a keeper. It startled him when she began crying.  
"Ucchan? What's wrong?" Ranma asked.  
"I... I don't deserve you..." Ukyou whimpered.  
"Huh?! Where the heck did this come from?" Ranma inquired.  
"You've come back so handsome, strong, confident... and now you're rich. I... I..." Ukyou tried to explain.  
Ranma realized what it was. He had feared, when everyone saw his new powers, that he would be seen as some sort of god. His men had grown to have the same mind set. Ranma didn't like being seen as some sort of diety. He was still Ranma Saotome. He was just a lot more now.  
For Ukyou, though, it was the wealth. If she continued to pursue Ranma, she was inwardly doubting if it was truly him or his money. To prevent herself from being too tempted, she was willing to break up with him.  
Ranma hugged Ukyou, letting her sob against his chest. "Ukyou, listen. You aren't shallow for desiring the money that I have. In fact, that you were willing to give up on me because you feared all that I had makes you a much better person." Ranma told her, "Don't doubt that"  
She looked up into his eyes and was about to protest, but he silenced her with a kiss. She melted into it. She didn't even notice or care that two tiny green men appeared near her door, took down the store curtain and locked the door, before heading into the kitchen to clean up and reinforce the walls as Ranma carried her upstairs.

Two hours later, Ranma found himself standing at the front of the Tendo Dojo. He'd washed up pretty thoroughly and he was sure that if he smelled like anything, it would be brimstone (he'd stopped to visit a dungeon near lava to pick up some more coins.  
He exhaled, then focused, before opening the gates. He walked to the front door, and for the first time in a very very long time, knocked on the door frame, before opening the door and called out, "'scuse me"  
In the living room, the entire Tendo family and the two remaining members of the Saotome family heard the call. Everyone's eyes snapped wide open as they tried to figure out who's voice it was and their eyes widened further as they realized who said voice belonged to.  
"It couldn't be..." Soun began.  
"It is! Ranma!" Kasumi declared, standing up just as Ranma entered their view.  
Then, just as the two families were about to do a combined group hug, the moment was spoiled by a bandaged old pervert splashing Ranma with cold water.  
"RANMA! I MISSED YOU!" Happousai cried, lunging for the new bosom.  
And he quite probably would have made it, had Ranma not sensed his presense, used his ki to evaporate the water, then punted Happousai for a two city field goal.  
"The ONE THING I did NOT miss." Ranma commented, before turning back to the surprised two families.  
"Ranma... you didn't-" Genma began.  
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Neat trick I learned in Harmonia. You wouldn't believe how many times something'll splash you there." Ranma responded,  
waving the question aside.  
"Harmonia?" Nabiki asked.  
"It's a loooong story and I've been on my feet for a while." Ranma replied, as he motioned everyone back to the table, "For one thing, I've been gone a lot longer than you all think"  
Happousai, meanwhile, was not happy. That miserable ungrateful little punk hadn't even let the aged master touch what was properly his until he released Ranma from his school.  
Yes, Ranma was going to pay dearly. As soon as Happousai recovered and managed to get to Nerima district, Ranma was going to pay. Happousai looked at his landing spot and with some quick calculations, added in the fact that he'd have to dig himself free first. Four, maybe five days, tops.

Lundar was enjoying a good book. It had been quite a while since he'd been able to sit down and simply enjoy such trivial desires. Yes,  
indeed. After almost a year of campaigning against King Reginald and the other keepers, Lundar was finally getting back to his second love:  
Reading.  
The thing that he'd liked most was that he was finally getting new books. Before Ranma had come, Lundar only had the same five hundred thousand or so books and read most of them four or fives times.  
Lundar's eyes widened as he felt something. No, LOTS of somethings. He'd become tuned with the Primary Dungeon Heart that Ranma used, so much so that he could feel when other Dungeon Hearts moved.  
But Ranma hadn't known about Keepers or Dungeon Hearts, so how- Lundar's mental question came to a screeching halt as he recalled what he'd told Ranma when they'd started out:  
"But you are not of this world. I can sense that. Someone has banished you here." Lundar murmurred.  
"...On top of that, Keeper, if this Dungeon Heart is destroyed, you shall be banished from this land into one at random"  
All the enemy keepers had somehow been banished back to Ranma's world! Even if it was against Ranma's prior wishes, Lundar had to alert him of the threat plaguing his land. But, Ranma had warned that his world had unusual dangers that Lundar and such would not be ready for.  
"Horny! We must go to Ranma immediately!" Lundar called, entering the Reaper's personal room.  
"I did not hear him call. And believe me, I would know." Horny responded, before sipping on a fruity drink with one of those little umbrellas in it.  
"Yes, but all the keepers we'd slain were banished HERE!" Lundar explained, bearing witness to the infinitely rare scene of Horny doing a spittake.  
"WHAT?!" Horny asked, looking over at Lundar, before relaxing.  
"And Ranma didn't bring any protection!" Lundar continued, still panicked.  
"You're right, he might knock up some of the female keepers. Lundar, have you forgotten? Keepers do not exist on this world, thus, even if they managed to build a dungeon, there is no way they could have very much in the way of creatures because there are no portals." Horny responded.  
Lundar stared Horny square in the eye, "You know nothing of Portals, do you? Unless an active portal gem is in the area to prevent it, a keeper can MAKE his own portals and without the limitations of fifteen creatures at a time! Not to mention, all the portal gems were fused into the Gate Gem, which, while it does retain that power, is still at the same scale! He could block the ones in his city, but that's it"  
"But what about money? How would they pay their creatures?" Horny asked.  
"I've done some research on that too, but I learned about it a bit too late for it be anything of trivia until now. When a Dungeon Heart transports itself or creates a faxsimile, it changes less valuable minerals, plants and most insects into gold or gemstone and gathers them into a tight spot, which we know as gold or gem veins. And even if there aren't enough of such things, they can still use the Create Gold spell." Lundar explained.  
"SHIT!" Horny cried as he realized Lundar was right.  
With that, the two teleported away.

There were many people in Nerima that had not missed Ranma Saotome's presense. This group of people was almost entirely made up of Ranma's rivals, but also included those who simply thought he was the source of the problems that made Nerima noisy (i.e. the citizens of Nerima). Most of them, however, simply figured Ranma had gone on a training trip, and thus would be back.  
Ranma's primary rivals in particular were very happy. They were all very delusional, so they believed that Ranma had fled from them, knowing their eventual victory was at hand. All of them had ignored the fact that they'd aided Ranma in getting back at Happousai (someone they all considered worse than Ranma) and the fact that Cologne reminded them constantly (with the aid of daily beatings) that Ranma had not fled, but rather had been sent to a random location.  
Tatewaki Kuno was especially glad to see that the foul sorcerer known as Ranma was gone. It meant that the pigtailed girl and Akane Tendo were now his by default. It was a bit disconcerting that he had not seen the pigtailed girl in some time, but she often vanished for weeks at a time, no doubt to compose herself so that she would be able to confess her feelings.  
Then, Tatewaki saw her: The pigtailed girl.  
Yes, there she was, dashing past him with a sack on her back, a pickaxe in hand, dancing and hopping on the ground. She seemed a bit shorter than before, but her features were unmistakable.  
"AH, PIGTAILED GIRL! COME, LEAP INTO MY ARMS!" Tatewaki cried, leaping at her.  
She didn't react like he thought she would. Before he was even halfway to her, she did a backflip and vanished in a burst of green sparkles. Tatewaki blinked, then slammed facefirst into the asphault.  
It did not take Tatewaki Kuno long to go through an insanely long list of incorrect answers (the pigtailed girl loved him, the pigtailed girl was under the enslavement of that foul sorcerer Ranma Saotome, the pigtailed girl did not have the chance to confess her love to him) to come to a surprisingly correct conclusion: Ranma Saotome was back.

Mousse was glad that his first and foremost rival for Shampoo was at last punished for his inherently evil nature. Surely, without Saotome around, Shampoo would confess her feelings for him.  
"SHAMPOO! THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN IS HERE!" Mousse cried, jumping towards Shampoo. He had his glasses on, because he'd spent four weeks recovering from hugging and kissing Cologne the last time he'd tried this without his glasses. (One week to recover physically and four to recover mentally)  
He predictably ran facefirst into a serving plate. Shampoo snorted, "Ranma is back"  
"No, but I am!" Mousse responded, recovering from the injury.  
"Then father of Shampoo's children not here." Shampoo responded, smashing Mousse out of the open door with a well-placed spinning knee to Mousse's face, with a grace found only from having done it over three thousand times before.  
Mousse groaned as he opened his eyes. It seemed that he'd been hit rather hard this last time. He was seeing miniature Saotomes.  
Mousse shook his head, but the delusional Ranmas didn't vanish. They instead continued dancing in front of Mousse for about two minutes, then vanished in a flash of green energy.  
Mousse went through an short list of incorrect answers (Shampoo loved him, Shampoo was under the influence of Ranma's evil machinations, weird-looking Ranmas were dancing, weird-looking Ranmas vanished in a style reminiscent of Star Trek) and came to an unsurprisingly wrong conclusion, "AAAAAAH! ALIENS THAT LOOK LIKE RANMA ARE INVADING NERIMA! AAAAAAAAAH-URKLE"  
Cologne sighed. Apparently, not having Ranma to blame his problems on was driving Mousse insane.

Ryoga was a mixture of exceptionally happy and a bit frustrated. On the one hand, Akane was now free and once he worked up the courage to face her (and found her house), he'd win her heart for sure.  
On the other hand, Ranma was an okay guy sometimes and was one of the few people Ryoga knew enough about to talk with casually. Ranma kept his skills sharp and gave him the determination to continue training.  
Ryoga was finding himself missing his oft-time friend/rival. Ranma could infuriate him, but he was also one of the few people who would actually help him find his way, rather than just point in the wrong direction (in Ryoga's mind, it didn't matter if it was the right direction or not if he didn't get there) and probably laugh at him behind his back.  
Ryoga was lost in an alleyway behind Doctor Tofu's clinic when he spotted something small and green. It had bulged eyes, looked vaguely humanoid and had something long in it's hand. It turned to him, then started giggling.  
Ryoga did the sensible thing.  
Ran off screaming.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ANAL PROBING ALIENS"  
He only stopped when he was sure that there were no more aliens around. He'd heard all about aliens and their tendency to do anal probing on people (even if he didn't know what it was, it didn't sound like it was likely very comfortable.  
He looked around for the alien or anything similar. He sighed in relief. No anal probing aliens in the vacant lot, just Ranma.  
Ranma?  
"Saotome! How dare you trick us like that! We thought you were thrown across time and space and here you've just been in this vacant lot!" Ryoga growled, kicking Ranma in the head.  
Ranma yelped and turned around.  
Then Ryoga noticed Ranma was short and green.  
He ran off screaming again.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! ANAL PROBING ALIENS HAVE CLONED RANMA SAOTOME!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ryoga shrieked.

Nabiki had heard some tall stories before, but the slapdash story Ranma had half-lied through was pushing it, even for Nabiki's limit, "Oh,  
come off it, Saotome, there's no way you could have gone to another dimension"  
Horny and Lundar appeared, "Keeper! We have grave news"  
"A MONSTER!" Soun yelped at the sight of Horny, before whimpering, "Don't eat my little girls"  
"I don't eat humans." Horny explained, mentally adding, "anymore.  
Ranma sighed and slapped his forehead, "Great timing there, Lundar. And didn't I tell you to stay back in Harmonia"  
"Yes, but as I said, we have grave news! Your rival keepers have found their way here, they can create gold, and they can construct their own portals!" Lundar explained, giving Ranma the cliff notes on the situation.  
"Ah, man! Just my luck! Guess we'll have to hunt them all down." Ranma sighed, hopping to his feet.  
"Wait, keeper? Rivals? Hunt down?! Ranma, what have you been up to?!" Akane angrily demanded, using her usual formula (everything was Ranma's fault) to get an impossibly correct answer (for Akane Tendo): Ranma was hiding something.  
"Look, I ain't got time for this. Let's just say that if I don't hunt down these guys, it's likely things ain't gonna be too peaceful anywhere." Ranma responded, preparing to teleport away with Lundar and Horny, creating a teleportation circle.  
Ranma was as surprised as everyone else when Nodoka surged forward and grabbed Ranma's arm just as the teleportation spell activated, halfstepping into the teleportation circle as she did. She had been meaning to add some words to the action, but something happened that cut her off.  
"No, wait, IT'S DANGE-" Lundar began.  
Back at the Tendo Dojo, everyone stared at the spot where Ranma, Nodoka, Lundar and Horny had been.  
"Um, it looked like something bad just happened." Nabiki noted, looking at the burn mark on the ground, where Nodoka had been.  
"NODOKA!" Genma yelled.

There's a little known fact about teleportation spells. For the most part, teleportation spells are simply supposed to move Object A or Person A to Location B.  
Personal teleportation spells worked very cleanly, transporting the person and every non-living thing they were carrying or holding to the desire location.  
Teleportation circles are another story. They operated by taking everything within the circle to the desire location. It could be very messy should someone halfstep into the circle just as it activated, which was why everyone in Harmonia knew not to interupt teleportation circles.  
Nodoka Saotome was not from Harmonia, however, thus she didn't know about that particular rule. The half of her that was not in the circle had been disintegrated.  
Nodoka had some things going for her, despite this major blunder.  
The person she was holding onto was Ranma Saotome, the person who happened to be casting the spell. Ranma Saotome was connected to the most powerful Dungeon Heart in existence and had been teleporting to said Dungeon Heart.  
A little known fact about the Dungeon Heart was that it could be used to revive, restore and regenerate fallen creatures who were allied to it's Keeper. Nodoka was VERY loyal to her son, thus the Dungeon Heart accepted her as it would one of Ranma's minions.  
Since Ranma had teleported so that he would appear over his Dungeon Heart, the effect was just as instantaneous as Nodoka's loss of half of her body.  
However, due to the fact that the tremendous shock alone of both processes (losing half of one's body and then regenerating it in the span of three seconds) could have lead to Nodoka's demise, the Dungeon Heart had to do a more complete regeneration in order to make certain that Nodoka didn't die from the restoration.  
Nodoka Saotome blinked and looked down at herself as she and Ranma appeared over his Primary Dungeon Heart. Ranma, Lundar and Horny had been expecting to see half of a middle-age woman, but instead saw a full TEENAGE woman.  
"M-m-m-m-MOM?!" Ranma blurted out, shocked at the sight of an eighteen year old woman who looked like sort of like his mother, but more like a slightly older sister to his female form.  
"Wh-wh-what just happened?" the renewed Nodoka asked.  
"Ordinarily, you would've been cut in half, but it would seem that luck was on your side. Ranma's Dungeon Heart restored you to life, but it would seem that it went further..." Lundar commented.  
"Further?" Nodoka inquired of the mentor, still very shaken by the experience. She'd FELT half of her body disappear and then regrow, then it had tingled all over.  
"Having half of your body destroyed and then regenerated so quickly would have killed just about anyone over twenty, so the Dungeon Heart continued the regeneration until you were young enough to withstand the shock." Lundar responded.  
"But, it's never done anything like that before!" Ranma protested.  
"Hmmm, it may have responded to your desire to keep your mother alive. In any case, Keeper, she's had her youth restored. She's no older than eighteen." Lundar answered, before adding in, "And half-  
naked, I might add"  
Ranma quickly summoned a robe and wrapped it around his mother. The last thing he wanted to do was ogle his own mother, even if she was young enough to be his sister.  
"Ranma, I think I'm going to have a nice lay down." Nodoka announced, before fainting dead away.  
Ranma caught her before she could touch the floor. He turned to Horny, "Take her to the Keeper bedroom. She needs to sleep"  
Horny nodded numbly, still shocked himself that the Dungeon Heart could restore someone so fast, let alone give them their youth back.  
"This is turning out to be a rather big headache. We should probably contact Reginald. We'll need to keep the world away from these incidents for a while." Ranma commented.  
Lundar nodded in agreement.

Keeper Morgana was infuriated. Not only had this evil gnome-imp-  
thing come bursting into HER Dungeon, but he'd fondled every female in her Dungeon. And the flurry of spells she and her Mistresses were tossing at him, which should have been attracted to him in the first place, were missing!  
"Heya, sweet cheeks!" Happousai said cheerfully, as he glomped Morgana's ass again.  
"DIE YOU DEMON!" Morgana roared.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Explanations

Q. Why do that to Nodoka?  
A. I've always felt that what Genma did to Nodoka (leaving her all alone at home for ten years) was something that needed to be corrected. Thus, I restored her to her youth! Let's see if Genma can convince her to remain married to him when she's full of teenage hormones once again!

Q. What's up with the 'alien Ranmas?  
A. The imps Ranma creates fresh still resemble normal Imps, but a lot of his older imps have already begun (or finished) transforming into miniature versions of Ranma (about half his height). The last thing to change is their skin tone, so some of them are still green-  
skinned. The ones that are confused for normal Ranmas are the ones who've already finished their transformation.

Next time, on Dungeon Keeper Ranma!  
Keeper Morgana and her dungeon of Mistresses continue to hunt for Happousai!  
Nerima is in a panic at the numerous sightings of miniature Ranma Saotomes (and pigtailed girls), aliens, and alien Ranma Saotomes (and pigtailed girls!  
Nodoka recovers from her shock!  
The U.N. meets King Reginald and Keeper Ranma!  
And the War of the Keepers begins! 


	11. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 11

* * *

**Dungeon Keeper Ranma  
Chapter 11: Conversation  
By A-kun**

* * *

The United Nations was seen by most as a giant "Whine" factory that could place embargos. That couldn't be further from the truth.

It was a giant "Whine" factory that could place embargos and was meant to subjugate every nation that put forth the effort to join it. It just wasn't very successful in doing that last function.

However, there was another function to the U.N. It was to introduce representatives of countries that were just strong enough to stand on their own to the representatives of the rest of the world, so that friendly trade could begin. It also allowed countries to try and settle matters with talk (which rarely worked).

In any case, the U.N. was an important stepping stone in the re- introduction of Atlantis (now Harmonia) to the world. Which was precisely why King Reginald needed a good suit.

"A suit? But I already have my armor..." King Reginald began to protest.

"I don't mean a suit of armor. Besides, it'll make things a bit uneasy in the U.N. if you enter with armor or a sword. We need some clothes that present you as proper royalty, but not the sort that you'll need a bunch of people following you in order to make sure nothing catches or gets dirty." Ranma explained.

"What would be proper?" King Reginald inquired.

Ranma hummed. In truth, he had only followed politics so far. Proper introductions and such weren't his key. If it were a martial arts match or something, then he wouldn't have a problem, but as it was... he needed Nabiki Tendo. Only Nabiki would have studied up on proper introductions in a political arena like the U.N. was rumored to be.

"I'm going to have to go back to Nerima to get someone." Ranma answered.

"If it needs to be done, then don't mind me." King Reginald reassured him.

* * *

Ryoga hid. He didn't know where he was, but he hid.

"Oh, Ryoga, why are you in our refridgerator?" Kasumi asked.

"Ranma...aliens...clones...probing!" Ryoga whimpered.

Kasumi looked at him and decided that perhaps the refridgerator was the best place for him. At least until supper. She closed the door just as Ranma teleported into the kitchen.

"Oh, hey Kasumi. Do you know where Nabiki is?" Ranma inquired.

"In the living room. We were all wondering what happened to Miss Saotome when I decided to make some tea." Kasumi responded.

"Oh, don't worry. Mom's fine." Ranma told her.

Kasumi left out a sigh of relief she didn't know she'd been holding and followed Ranma out of the room.

Ranma entered the living room and interupted the barrage of questions with, "Mom's fine. She shouldn't have interupted the teleportation circle, but she's fine."

Most of the questions died before a syllable could be uttered.

"Nabiki, I do need your help, though." Ranma said, further interupting any other questions.

"It'll cost you." Nabiki responded.

Ranma smiled, "I think I can pay."

Nabiki arched a curious eyebrow.

"In any case, why don't we talk on the roof?" Ranma inquired.

Nabiki shrugged indifferently and stood up. Ranma placed a hand on her shoulder and the two vanished in a burst of green energy.

"Boy's probably gone soft with all that teleporting." Genma grumbled.

* * *

Mikado Sanzenin stared as tiny Ranma Saotomes advanced on him with pickaxes in hand. Unarmed opponents were one thing, but Ranma was good enough to... challenge Mikado. At least thirty, albeit smaller, Ranmas were too dangerous for him to even contemplate.

It was the first time he wished Azusa was there to help him. Even her stupid kleptomania would at least distract the tiny Ranmas from him.

All of the imps had been made from Ranma Saotome and thus, knew exactly what Mikado was like. The pickaxes vanished and were replaced with rope, hair dye and permanent markers.

"NOT THE FACE!" Mikado shrieked like a little girl as the imps lunged forward...

* * *

Nabiki had been on the roof before. The teleportation was a bit unsettling, but she could deal with it. It felt like something had just tugged her upwards for a second.

"So, what did you want?" Nabiki asked.

"Well, you see... remember when I told you all that I'd been to Harmonia, which used to be Atlantis? I got really popular there and everyone wanted to come back with me, so they moved the entire continent back to Earth..." Ranma began to explain.

"Uh-huh, and why hasn't anyone seen it yet?" Nabiki inquired skeptically.

"I'm blocking the island from detection. Only way to see it is by looking at it with your own bare eyes. Even binoculars wouldn't allow you to see it. In any case, the thing about it is that... well, we need to introduce the island back to earth, and that means talking with the U.N. So, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping King Reginald get an outfit and stuff like that." Ranma told her.

"Ranma, even if I did believe all that, you MUST know that I can't do this for free." Nabiki answered.

Ranma nodded and reached into his pocket and produced a fist- sized well-cut ruby, "Let's just say that this wouldn't be even half of your pay."

Nabiki knew jewelry. Even if they couldn't afford it, Nabiki had taken the time to study real and fake jewelry. Before she'd found racketeering, she'd decided that she wanted to be a jeweler. As such, Nabiki could identify fake and real from a distance of three feet. Ranma was a foot away. The ruby was quite real.

"I-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-" Nabiki babbled out, trying to figure out how Ranma had managed to get such a gem without... well, without being carted off.

On their world, a gem like that was worth at least eight hundred thousand yen, if not MUCH MUCH more. She couldn't tell how much unless she saw how many flaws were on it. Ranma sensed Nabiki's intense gaze and he handed her the gem so she could look it over.

Not a flaw on it.

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to help us out, would you? If you aren't interested, I can always take the-" Ranma didn't even get to finish his little taunt before Nabiki clutched the gem to her chest protectively and snapped, "MINE!"

"Okay." Ranma responded, a bit weirded out at the almost feral look in Nabiki's eyes. If she started calling it her "Preciousssss", he was going to have to put her out.

Luckily for Nabiki, her sense of dignity managed to calibrate enough for her to recompose and agree to Ranma's request.

* * *

Kodachi Kunou, at some level, knew of her own madness. There was always a portion of the mind that looked at the actions of the body, slapped itself in the forehead and sighed at the sheer stupidity of it all. It then looked at the situation and began a dialogue with the rest of the mind to keep the brain active.

What is it? What's so shocking?

Tiny Ranmas.

Tiny Ranmas?

Tiny Ranmas.

Can't be. What do they look like?

All of them looked like super-deformed versions of her Ranma.

SD Ranmas?

They were dancing.

Dancing.

Yes, dancing and waving their arms in the air like they just didn't care.

When is the last time we broke into the sake stash?

Last time we fondled Ranma-sama's 'package'.

Ah, yes. And when was the last time we tried out our chemicals on ourself?

Last Thanksgiving. Sasuke had the day off and we needed a guinea pig. We figured that if it did anything, we'd be immune.

Oh yeah. Let us never do that again. Now, have we been taking any extraneous mind-altering drugs?

No.

Have we gotten struck on the head lately?

No.

Then this obviously must be a delusion brought on by too much exhuastion.

Kodachi Kunou nodded to herself, turned and went home, vowing to sleep until she wasn't tired.

* * *

Happousai was beginning to worry. He'd actually been getting hit these last two circuits around the dungeon, mostly because the spell- casting women had learned to fill the area with spells rather than just cast the spells and expect the magic to 'auto-lock' onto their target.

It was getting to be too dangerous for him to stay. Worse yet, none of the women, save for the 'keeper', had any underwear to steal. And the 'keeper' had some sort of magic on hers to return them to her dressers on command, meaning that even if Happousai managed to ransack her underwear, they would simply return to her dresser once she said the magic word.

Happousai fondled one more bare hiney, then fled, much to the chagrin of the mistress who's butt he'd fondled. Happousai gave a half-smirk. Even if there had been no underwear, all that bare female flesh had been more than welcome. He made a mental note to try and sneak back... if they didn't move prior to that.

* * *

Akane was angry. VERY angry. Not only was Ranma ignoring her COMPLETELY, he had an entire continent of women all to himself!

It didn't really sink into Akane's mind that Harmonia had a healthy MALE population as well, because she was too angry over all the women, young and old, waving to Ranma as they walked about the castle. It also didn't sink in that most of them were simply friendly greetings to Ranma rather than romantically interested invitations.

Such was the mind of Akane Tendo.

When it became more and more apparent that Ranma wasn't going to pay her the special attention Akane demanded, she left to wander around the castle herself.

It didn't take long for Akane to get completely lost, as she had closed her eyes and walked through a Hero's Gate without really noticing. Thus, when she found herself in the Inner Sanctum of the castle rather than the castle proper, she thought it was a trick that Ranma was playing on her.

Huffing angrily, she began marching around as if she owned the place and knew exactly where she was going. Which she didn't.

It did not take her long to find the edges of Ranma's dungeon, which still had many intact fortifications.

Akane had not sworn allegiance to Ranma and her current state of hatred had left the automated magical defenses no other choice than to see her as an enemy that was attacking.

Akane screamed as several fireballs were launched at her, and dove for cover. Just in time, too, as the lightning trap warmed up to attack. Had she not made it behind a wall, the trap would have electrocuted her on the spot.

Akane glanced around the corner. Whatever those things were, they'd attacked her. Irrational anger flared within Akane as she arbitrarily decided that this was another one of those tricks Ranma was playing on her.

She made the worst possible mistake: She assumed someone was manning the cannons.

She charged at the traps, screaming a battle cry that might have intimidated someone who wasn't battle hardened. The traps were not living, thus were not impressed nor intimidated. They simply fired.

Akane fell to her back as the electrical pulse of the lightning trap literally knocked her off her feet. As she struggled back to her feet, the seven sentry cannons fired, smashing her backwards to land helplessly against a wall.

A few minutes later, an imp appeared and stared at Akane for a few seconds. It had never seen such a hideous beast... no, wait...

The imp picked up the baby tentacle that had climbed onto Akane's face and set it back into the nearby water, before picking up Akane and hauling her to the nearest prison.

* * *

Ranma sighed with relief. At last, Nabiki was handling everything for the meeting with the U.N., Kasumi was talking with Prince Daniel, and Soun and Genma were in the kitchen, smacking their lips as the chefs prepared them a meal.

Akane was... nowhere. Ranma frowned. That was odd. She should've been right behind Kasumi when they'd neared the kitchen.

Then, an imp appeared next to him and chittered at him.

"A new prisoner? They stupidly tried to attack the traps in the dungeon?" Ranma inquired, then groaned as he realized what had probably happened.

He sent a burst of magical healing energy to the 'prisoner', then teleported down to the prison. He sighed with disgust.

Yes, Akane was laying on the floor of the prison. Even with the magical energy he'd sent to restore her to full health, she had yet to awaken. He didn't have time to deal with it. He had to pick up Ukyou, who was probably awake already, and then go check on his mother. And he hadn't even notified Cologne or Shampoo of his return.

He'd debated over it, but decided that the two amazons deserved to at least find out before it made the frontpage of the newspaper. He owed them both that much for teaching him amazon training techniques.

Maidel entered the room, "I'd heard there was some idiot who'd charged our traps."

"That would be her, but she probably wouldn't have..." Ranma paused to consider that it was AKANE he was talking about, "no, she would have, even if she'd known. Maidel, can you haul her out of there and make sure she doesn't get into any more trouble? I've got a busy schedule." Ranma requested.

"If she misbehaves, can I toss her into the torture chamber?" Maidel inquired, a hopeful look in her eye.

"Only if she does something colossally stupid, like try to attack you or the traps again." Ranma responded.

Maidel smiled and saluted, "You can count on me!"

"Why does that bring no ease to my worries?" Ranma inquired.

"Because she's that stupid?" Maidel guessed.

Ranma sighed and nodded in agreement before teleporting away.

* * *

Nerima was, to put it gently, going batshit crazy. Roving reporters, freelancers, law enforcement agencies and more were trying to find the mysterious green men who'd been plaguing Nerima. Some webcam footage of ten or so dancing green men who looked like a semi- notable martial artist by the name of Ranma Saotome, who then teleported away, had circulated rather fast.

Their presense had been so noticed that it was expected for them to return. Which was why there was a nigh-manhunt for the dancing green men.

However, sadly for those looking for the imps, the workers had stopped going to the surface after about two hours once Ranma had left for the first time. They'd already claimed all of the surface that they could, so there was no further reason to continue.

Ranma arrived in an abandoned warehouse and had made his way to the Nekohaten, somehow accidentally and narrowly avoiding every camera crew, reporter and freelance journalist.

"Hey." Ranma announced, non-chalantly as he entered.

"Son-in-law, I'm glad you made it back." Cologne answered from the cash register, handing her last customer his change before motioning Ranma to an empty table.

Ranma stepped over to a table to remove himself from the flow of traffic. Cologne hopped over and looked him over, "You've been away quite a while, even though it's only been two weeks."

Ranma was about to ask her how she knew when he remembered that he was talking to an Amazon Elder, especially Cologne, who was not one to miss important details.

"You've also been banging some hot thing, haven't you?" Cologne teased.

Ranma facefaulted into the table.

"I was joking, but from your reaction, I'm right." Cologne commented.

"Yeah, I'm not a... you know. Anyway, I figured you and Shampoo deserved to find out before it hit the headlines tomorrow." Ranma responded.

"You really were abducted by aliens and cloned, but the clones were green-skinned midgets?" Cologne inquired.

"NO! OF COURSE NOT! What kind of crazy story is that?! I was catapulted to a different dimension, gained magical powers and am now MAHOU SHOUJO PRETTY RANCHAN!" Ranma responded, posing dramatically.

Cologne arched an eyebrow as she chuckled despite herself. She knew the last part was a bald-faced lie, but the rest wasn't, "So, what's the deal with the lookalikes?"

"Magical helpers. I made 'em, but I've been subconsciously changing their appearance, 'cause I've got such a strong sense of myself." Ranma answered.

"So, you went to another dimension and got magical powers, but what else is going on? You wouldn't have dragged a number of lookalikes along with you if there wasn't a good reason." Cologne observed.

"Well, the people in the other dimension were from Atlantis, see, but they'd changed the name of continent when they'd gone there. I got to be pretty popular, so they decided to jump back with me. So, Nabiki's helping the king prepare for a meeting with the U.N." Ranma told her.

"Nice cliff notes. You're missing quite a bit, though. Everything about you has changed, some slightly, some greatly." Cologne stated.

"Cliff notes are all you're getting. At least until someone else blabs." Ranma replied.

"WO AI NI!" GLOMP

Ranma and Cologne blinked as Shampoo glomped Ranma's chair. Ranma looked from across the room at where Shampoo and Cologne were.

Damn that reflex. Ranma thought to himself, teleporting back. He had to make a mental note to work on the reflex teleportation he's picked up from the imps.

"Okay, I was a tad skeptical about the magical powers until now..." Cologne told him as he appeared in another seat.

Shampoo looked between the chair she was glomping and Ranma, trying to figure out how he'd done that. Great-grandmother Cologne had mentioned magic, but Ranma didn't know magic. She hadn't really paid attention to his conversation outside of the most recent sentences. She decided to sit down and listen to what was being said.

"In any case, I came to tell you at least that much. You two can come visit Harmonia, if you'd like, but I have to warn you that it IS going to be more like the countryside of China than a city, and I'm not going to be able to do much outside of leave you with some of my friends." Ranma warned.

"Well, I wouldn't mind. We'll just close shop until we get back." Cologne responded.

"Shampoo not understand much, but where Ranma go, Shampoo follow." Shampoo declared.

* * *

Kasumi had to admit, it was a bit strange to be talking with royalty. Prince Daniel had been rather nice, despite the fact that he seemed to wear that face-covering helmet most of the time. Daniel had had to leave for his daily sword training, but left Kasumi with Princess Mina, who'd decided to show Kasumi the library.

"This is rather nice." Kasumi commented, looking at a magic book. The runes looked like a cross between planetary symbols, kanji, romanji and random squiggles. Kasumi thought she could make out what the first two words and spoke them aloud, "Volumeus Luminus."

POOM

Mina and Kasumi blinked rapidly, trying to regain their vision after that spell had gone off.

"Never, ever, EVER recite a Starburst spell indoors without warning me." Mina told Kasumi.

"Oh my, I didn't think..." Kasumi responded, wondering if the blue and yellow blot she was looking at was a banner on the wall or Princess Mina.

"Oh yeah," Mina began, "you aren't familiar with magic. Well, whatever you do, try not to recite anything you read until we have time to teach you how to control it."

"How wonderful. I've always wanted to cast spells." Kasumi replied, smiling brightly as her vision finally corrected itself.

* * *

"Ukyou... Ukyou..."

Ukyou murmurred as she rose from her dream. She'd had such a pleasant dream, one where Ranma had made love to her. He'd been surprisingly good in her dream. She could almost swear she wasn't a virgin anymore, but that wasn't possible because it didn't hurt like it was supposed to.

Ukyou didn't know that Ranma had healed her shortly after the initial penetration, so as to ease her discomfort. Nor did she know that Maidel had been the one to offer that piece of advice after the fiery haired mistress had shagged Ranma nearly senseless for the very first time.

She finally opened her stubborn eyelids to see Ranma's smiling face, "Sorry to wake you, but I wanted to show you Harmonia."

Ukyou snapped upright and stared at Ranma, then dipped a hand between her legs, not even noticing that she had only been covered by a sheet, and that had fallen away by her quick sit up.

A few seconds later, she noticed a few things as she slid two fingers inside of herself: Ranma was in the room, she was naked, Ranma was sitting on her bed, she was fingering herself to see if she was still a virgin, and Ranma was next to her; in that order.

"EEEK!" Ukyou cried, covering herself with her sheet.

Ranma blinked, "Funny, you weren't that shy about three and a half hours ago."

Ukyou's entire body flushed red with embarrassment. A few seconds passed before she started looking around the room for something. Ranma held up a pair of silk panties, "These what you were looking for?"

Ukyou nodded as she hesistantly took the panties.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you alone. Think you can be ready in about ten minutes?" Ranma inquired as he stood up.

Ukyou nodded.

* * *

Ukyou was not the only one returning from dreamland. Akane was also regaining consciousness. However, unlike Ukyou, who'd awakened to see the man she loved, Akane awoke to see someone she wished she'd never seen.

At first glance, the color of her red hair, the sexy and stacked body, the face with the amused look and the eyes of the woman sitting next to her bed made Akane think it was Ranma in female form. However, Ranma-chan had never worn tight latex bodysuits with metal meshed into cups over the breasts and crotch, nor did Ranma-chan take to wearing retractable metal claws over her right hand, and Ranma-chan was never really that tall, even when sitting.

Thus, Akane concluded that it was not Ranma in female form. The second surprisingly correct answer in the same day would have had those who hated her searching the sky for a rogue asteroid. However, she instantly got a severe case of envy. She could never look that good in tight black latex... not... that... she... ever... tried.

"Awake now? Good. We were worried when you charged those automated defenses." the woman said, managing to get a tone that somehow said both "I care." and "You moron." at the same time.

"Automated defenses?" Akane inquired.

The woman nodded, "Yes, you see, you were entering a forbidden area and the magical traps were set to attack anyone who got within a certain range."

Akane got the feeling, like she did when Nabiki pulled the wool over her eyes (figuratively and literally), that the story was a made up one, but just like with Nabiki, Akane accepted it at face value. Of course, she was still waiting for the part where it was revealed to be entirely Ranma's fault.

"By the way, who are you?" Akane demanded, forgetting that it was rude to ask another person's name when one's own name was not given first. Not that it mattered in this case as everyone in the dungeon knew her name after word got around that she was the idiot who'd charged the automated defenses.

"I'm Maidel, one of Ranma's Mistresses." Maidel said.

Akane instantly took that the wrong way. (As if she couldn't.)

"HOW DARE THAT JERK GET MARRIED TO SOME SLUT! I BET THAT PERVERT HAS AN ENTIRE HAREM OF BIMBOS!!" Akane blurted, leaping to her feet, while still on the bed.

"Hey!" Maidel growled angrily. She would have calmly corrected Akane for her blunder, but being called a slut when she didn't cheat on her primary male lover with another male was inexcuseable, "EX-cuse me, little miss bird brain, but I don't recall insulting you to your face!"

"You just did!" Akane snapped.

"That was because you insulted me first!" Maidel responded.

Akane's temper flared and she lashed out-only to fall off the end of the bed and slam face first into the ground. She looked up to see that she wasn't even facing the right direction, and Maidel hadn't even touched her.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Maidel chortled, "D-d-don't tell me-heh heh heh-that you didn't realize-SNERK-that magical lightning screws up your motor control! Not only are you an idiotic twerp who couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag, but now you can't even use what limited skills you have!"

With that, Maidel burst into fresh laughter, clutching her stomach as she watched Akane try again and again to attack her with less and less success. Finally, after about the fifth failed attack, Maidel's laughter died. After the sixth, Maidel's smile faded.

Following the seventh and the eighth, a frown formed on Maidel's face, "Uh, don't you think you should quit now?"

A quick succession of failed attacks later, it was just sad watching the angry little girl thrash about. Maidel had decided that the girl had a mental defect and that it was time to let the poor girl's body rest, even if the brain was unwilling to.

Maidel carried an Akane-cicle out of the room a minute later, vowing to see if any wizards knew about curing mental illnesses. In the meantime, the violent little brat could spend some time on a torture wheel above a nice hot furnace.

* * *

Once Ranma was sure that Lord Titus didn't mind giving Shampoo, Cologne and Ukyou a tour of the castle and that the trio wouldn't cause any mayhem for the lord, he headed to check on his mother.

Lord Titus had given him the best piece of passable encouragement he could, "At least you didn't decide to be King."

That was true. Even if being a general and advisor on top of being a keeper was hectic from time to time, it was nothing to the chaos that surrounded King Reginald on a daily basis. It had all slackened off for the month-long celebration prior to the Gate Gem's use, but Ranma knew that if he had been King, he probably would have gone insane.

Things with Nodoka weren't going much better. Apparently, either inhibitions were lost with renewed youth or his mother really enjoyed jumping on the bed.

Ranma watched as she bounced up and down on the bed, giggling and laughing like a child. Finally, she finished bouncing and just giggled on the bed.

"Testing the springs, are we?" Ranma asked as he approached the bed.

"Oh, it feels great to have this much energy! Ne, ne, let's play some games!" Nodoka declared, waving her arms eagerly.

Ranma shrugged. It couldn't hurt to play a few games with his rejuvenated mother.

* * *

Kasumi Tendo was a patient girl. She knew how to take things slowly, doing them well, and then moving on. However, ever since she was a little girl, she'd always fantasized about being a magical girl, like Minky Momo or Code Name Sailor V. She's spent five years wishing on every star, every blown out birthday candle, and even the blown eyelashes.(1)

Thus, it was no surprise to anyone who truly knew her (namely, no one), that she was watching Mina go through the beginning motions of her fifth spell, a light spell. It was neither as bright nor as big as the Starburst spell she had cast earlier, but it also didn't blind her.

"You're just soaking this up. But, I think we shouldn't go much further than five spells a week. You should memorize these spells as best as you can." Mina advised.

"Oh..." Kasumi pouted.

Mina sighed. A pouting Kasumi Tendo was something that she couldn't really deal with. Most apprentices accepted the fact that they weren't ready. However, Kasumi had just learned that somehow, she'd developed rather strong magical reserves over her teenage years and had been but a good master away from learning actual spells.

Then again, Mina considered, most of the spells she knew probably weren't the best for a housewife. The spells Mina had just taught Kasumi, Shield, Light, Read Magic, Detect Magic and Cure Light Wounds; were about half of the non-combat spells Mina knew.

Mina shook her head in apology, "Sorry, but this will have to do for now. I'm nowhere near ready to start teaching you properly and without preparation, I'm probably going to get us both in over our heads."

Not to mention, Mina thought to herself, I hadn't even considered an apprentice yet.

Meanwhile, down the hall, Nabiki looked King Reginald over. The king felt out of place without some form of armor, but he wore his crown, a magical necklace of protection (which resembled a large ruby- encrusted golden necklace), and carried a ceremonial golden rod (which looked like a small baseball bat with various finely polished gems all along it's length and pommel) that one of his ancestors had wielded.

Nabiki wasn't pleased to find out that the rod had various spells that could decimate an army, but it looked good and it was either that or various enchanted rings that created elementals that would attack anyone with hostile intentions. Even if they weren't friendly, killing people in the United Nation building was NOT a good idea.

The crown allowed King Reginald to read people's thoughts, which Nabiki would have cut her own arms off to get, but King Reginald had firmly informed her that she would not get it no matter WHAT the persuasion.(2)

Nabiki and the royal tailor had managed to work out a large purple robe with exotic fur along the edges and a draping cape of that looked the same. On the cape and on the left breast of the robe were the Harmonian Royal Family Crest.

"Hmmmm, I guess you look the part now." Nabiki declared.

"This won't take long, will it? I mean, I feel almost naked without my armor." King Reginald pleaded, feeling very out of place. The grizzled veteran didn't like resorting to magical protection that could be so easily stolen. Armor at least had something to back itself up with should the magic within it fail.

"Sorry, but you'll have to get used to it for a while at least. The media alone will take a while." Nabiki responded.

"Ranma mentioned that once... what is 'media'?" King Reginald asked.

"Hoo-boy... don't you people have newspapers?" Nabiki asked.

"We have paper, but it's largely for letters and books." King Reginald asked.

"Town cryers? Scribes?" Nabiki asked.

"We have scribes. But why would a town want someone crying? It seems a bit cruel..." King Reginald began.

"Nevermind." Nabiki groaned. She thought about how to explain it. For once, she wished she'd put more time into watching those B movies where people got flung around in time, "The media is like a bunch of scribes. They write letters, which get mass-produced, and then distributed all around the world in the form of newspapers, which are like books that are made about important daily events that people can buy. Some use cameras, which are a technology that take portraits in an instant. Of course, not all of them are good. Some of them spread lies and take embarrassing pictures."

"Why? After all, the truth would get out eventually." King Reginald asked, obviously a bit shocked that people would bother writing lies.

"Because it gets them more money and stirs up trouble, which gets their papers more readers, thus more money. And in our world, the truth isn't so easily obtained, but some papers are infamous for lying, so people buy them to laugh at the outrageous lies." Nabiki explained.

King Reginald considered all that, "It sounds like a very complex world."

"Yeah, that's just the media. You've had it easy since you essentially control Harmonia, but politics are about ten times more complex. Especially since the lies aren't as clear cut." Nabiki responded.

"Trust me, young lady. Politics are an arena I know a fair bit better..." King Reginald told her, recalling all the cease-fire, trade, and temporary alliance agreements he'd made with Keepers in the past.

* * *

Flames erupted from the ground around Duluth, Minnesota, reaching up a hundred meters above even the tallest building. People outside looking at the massive flames were the first to panic. But even people inside buildings began panicking as the ground began to crack and shift beneath the entire town as the curtain of flame swept inward, swallowing buildings and people alike.

Within ten minutes, the entire town was nothing more than a massive burn mark on the face of the earth.

* * *

Okay, King Reginald and Keeper Ranma didn't make it to the U.N. this time. I wanted to get this out there so my still-vaguely loyal readers can have something to read while they anticipate me getting off my duff and writing more about DK Ranma.

Sorry to anyone in Duluth, Minnesota who was offended that your town gets incinerated.

(1) The third one is a strange form of wishing that I heard of. Take an eyelash that's loose and put it on your index finger, close your eyes, make your wish and then blow as hard as you can. When you open your eyes, if the eyelash is gone, your wish will eventually come true. If the eyelash isn't gone, your wish won't come true.  
(2) What Nabiki didn't know what that it could only be used once per day. Mind-reading magics were not something that one wanted to advertise in large quantities.

Next time, on Dungeon Keeper Ranma Z!... er, no, just regular Dungeon Keeper Ranma. No Majin Buu or Cell or people screaming at themselves for twenty minutes here, folks!

Chapter 12: New Stage, New Rules  
A dangerous new keeper has gotten their hands on a Dungeon Heart that was without a keeper!  
The meeting between the U.N., King Reginald and Ranma (really!) And Harmonia meets Earth!  
Ukyou and Shampoo learn about what Ranma did to get back home from one of his minions!  
Akane gets psycho-analyzed! With psycho-energy! (kidding!)  
Nabiki gets a new faithful servant!  
And sex with tentacles! (kidding!)

* * *

**Line Removed:**

"Oh, it feels great to have this much energy! Ne, ne, let's play some games!" Nodoka declared, waving her arms eagerly.

Ranma sighed, the only thing that he could do was say, "Sure, pull my finger!"

* * *

**Possibly Interesting Note To Take Up More Space:**

"Then father of Shampoo's children not here." Shampoo responded, smashing Mousse out of the open door with a well-placed spinning knee to Mousse's face, with a grace found only from having done it over three thousand times before.

_Factoid:_ If Shampoo started using the spinning-knee-to-Mousse's- face once a day when she was 7 years old, she would be roughly 16 years old by the time she got to 3000.

* * *

**Omake: Gross, But Hilarious**

Ranma shrugged. It couldn't hurt to play a few games with his rejuvenated mother.  
Later...  
Horny groaned as Lundar, Nodoka and Ranma-chan tittered with laughter as the reaper landed on the Revealed Secret square. The pink bows were a bit silly, but he could get used to the sheer purple gown and the pink fuzzy bunny slippers.  
"Okay, Horny, who do you think is the DREAMY-est?!" Nodoka asked, almost squealing with girlish glee.  
"Well, I'd have to say Leo..." Horny replied.  
Lundar, Nodoka, and Ranma-chan squealed with laughter.


	12. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 12

* * *

**Dungeon Keeper Ranma  
Chapter 12: New Stage, New Rules  
By A-kun**

* * *

Akane awoke from dreamland for the second time that day (third time if one counted waking in the morning). Her bed seemed a bit warm, but that didn't really matter. She closed her eyes and tried to turn onto her side. She couldn't.

For some reason, that didn't bring immediate alarm to her mind. Instead, she simply tried to turn the other way. Again, she found herself incapable of doing so. The heat on her back was growing unpleasant. She decided to turn onto her stomach.

When she couldn't do that, she finally opened her eyes. A stone ceiling. Akane contemplated why that bothered her. Then, she realized a stone ceiling meant she wasn't at home. Which could only mean she'd either been kidnapped in her sleep or... or that Harmonia thing, the arrogant bint Maidel and such HAD happened.

She took in her situation rather quickly following that revelation. She was laying spread-eagle on a thick wooden wheel that was spinning. She glanced beneath her to see a stove of hot coals sitting roughly two feet beneath her, which was why she was uncomfortably hot. She was also quite naked.

The confusing part was that she didn't seem to be tied down. She tried to pull her limbs up and found that they were held down as if they were bound by invisible rope.

Maidel looked up from an interesting book that she'd had the imps sneak from the Tendo household. It had incredibly realistic pictures of naked people having sex inbetween fascinating articles and letters from people who'd wrote in about their own sexual experiences.

Akane saw the title of the book and frowned. She'd seen Nabiki reading it avidly and when she'd asked about it, her sister had said it was a health book, but she could see quite clearly from her angle that it was NOT. (Of course, what Akane didn't know was that Nabiki had stolen it from Kasumi, who'd found it in the attic in her mother's belongings)

"Oh, you're awake again." Maidel noted idly. The articles were fairly involving, but she really had to get around to dealing with the brat. Then she'd have to swap with Nausica for the 'graphic novel' her fellow mistress had an imp swipe for her called "Revolutionary Girl Utena".

"Well, I think it's high time you started learning some manners." Maidel declared, forcing her will into the torture chamber and cooling the coals beneath Akane, who looked greatly relieved.

"HMPH! I don't need some loose tart telling me about manners!" Akane snarled.

Maidel would have gotten mad had Akane called her that when they'd first met, but Maidel was beyond that. Akane continued to struggle to get free in utter futility.

"Don't bother. The magic of this place will bind you to that wheel until certain circumstances are met." Maidel explained, "The way I see it, little girl, you have a few options in your position."

Akane continued to struggle, but paused every so often to glare daggers at Maidel, who continued her lecture as if knowing Akane would listen, even if she didn't appear to, "Option one, You could keep struggling and cussing, which would force me to turn on the coals to help you sweat out that nasty temper of yours. Option two, you could struggle and cuss worse, forcing me to move you to the electric chair. We affectionately call it Zappy the Magic Mood Changer. Option three, you could relent to being punished and released at my whim. Option four, you could be punished by another professional torturer. Option five, you beg for forgiveness."

Akane stopped struggling and considered her options. She looked rather thoughtful before she looked at Maidel with guilt and remorse in her eyes, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"I put in option five to see if you were a gullible dork." Maidel announced, smiling as Akane suddenly unleashed a torrent of colorful curses.

Maidel sighed. Ranma said that he didn't want Maidel to do anything that might hurt Akane permanently. But he never said anything about anyone else... Maidel stood up and stuck her head out the door. Three of her fellow mistresses were playing sex poker, a more lewd version of strip poker where the losers bartered sexual favors after losing their clothing. Maidel decided that they would be perfect, "Violet, Sugar, Wendy, you bored?"

The three looked at her and answered in unison, "YES!"

"Got a new victim. Wanna break her in?" Maidel asked.

The trio looked at Maidel with sparkles in their eyes. Had Maidel ever seen an anime, she would recognize it as the 'Kawaii Girl Sparkle of Joy' (1).

They got their uniforms on (had to look professional, ya know), and scurried into the torture chamber, eager to return to their favorite past-time.

* * *

"Thar she be..." Olan said with a thick salty seaman accent.(2)

Ranma rolled his eyes, but had to admit that it was an impressive feat of magic, "Well, I can understand why you never employed them during the war..."

On the north side of the castle, away from any possible direct attacks, were twenty large galleons.(3) They looked like any other wooden vessel that became romanticized in pirate movies, only there was one major difference: These galleons were a hovering a hundred feet above sea level.

"Do we have anyone familiar with piloting them?" Ranma asked.

Olan nodded, ditching the accent, "We've had a few wizards working with sailors. For all intensive purposes, they're more manueverable, but they still handle like ships at sea."

"Well, since they're all set, I suppose the only thing left is to supply 'em and get ready to move out. We'll probably leave as soon as Nabiki feels she and King Reginald are ready." Ranma declared.

"Hey, Ranma?" Nabiki asked as she stepped out onto the airship dock.

"Yeah?" Ranma asked.

"I'd like to talk to you about this planned meeting with the U.N." Nabiki told him.

"Okay." Ranma responded. It felt a bit strange for her to be asking him to talk rather than the other way around, but he had to admit anything she needed to talk about would definitely be of value.

"Have you contacted the governments about this meeting?" Nabiki asked.

"Uh, no, not really. I thought we'd fly in and present ourselves." Ranma replied.

"And risk being shot at as a possible terrorist attack? No, you need to announce this sort of thing. The U.N. might not even be in session, meaning that if you simply go to the U.N. building, you'd probably just waste a trip. We should have King Reginald do most of the speeches, too. What about disclosure?" Nabiki asked.

"Huh?" Ranma inquired, blinking.

"How much are you going to tell them? They'd want to know all they can about Harmonia. You're going to be talking from a diplomatic advantage, seeing as you understand this world a lot better than most of the world will understand Harmonia. And they will definitely resent that fact." Nabiki told him.

"Well, I don't know. I was kinda figuring on breaking everything slowly." Ranma responded.

Nabiki shook her head, "Full disclosure would be best, Ranma. Maybe some alteration of minor facts that you think might make things iffy," Nabiki gave him a well-meaning look, which informed him someone had blabbed about the truth to her, "but the more honest you are at the start, the more likely they'll trust you later. And you should definitely bring a variety of creatures to show them so they know you aren't faking. The best looking and most of the well-behaved creatures. Probably a dragon or a salamander would do well."

Ranma sighed, "Yeah, I guess."

"Also, you should prepare for a diplomatic banquet, you'll probably want to prepare for the media, set up special informational amusement parks... Frankly, Ranma, this sort of thing won't be easily taken care of." Nabiki told him.

"Lemme guess, you want to sign on as Public Relations." Ranma asked, smiling.

Nabiki cricked her neck, "Actually, considering how exhuasting it is, I'd rather not, but seeing as I doubt you could find anyone subtle enough to replace me at the moment, I'll have to accept."

"Thanks Nabiki." Ranma said, smiling appreciatively.

"Yeah, yeah." Nabiki answered, blushing as she waved aside the compliment.

* * *

A week passed. Kasumi continued to learn spells, but found she had a fellow classmate when Ukyou repeated one of the spells she heard Kasumi recite and promptly blew one of the unused castle towers to gravel. Luckily, no one was hurt and the dwarves and imps were able to restore the tower to it's former state in a matter of days.

The rest of Ranma's time was consumed trying to balance between attending to his rejuvenated mother, who was violently refusing to accept Genma as her husband; talking with Cologne about getting the Jokuketsuzoku village 'fixed up'; arranging votes for 'best mannered' among the various species (save the undead, who didn't want to be involved anyway); announcing the 'formation' of a new island kingdom to the United States; planning the banquets; and trying to keep from going insane by watching Kasumi and Ukyou throw fireballs at magically moving targets.

Kasumi stopped suddenly in the middle of practice and turned to Ranma with an abrupt question, "Hey, Ranma, where's Akane?"

Ranma blinked. When was the last time he'd seen Aka-

"SONOVA-" Ranma blurted, teleporting down to the torture chambers.

"That can't be good." Ukyou noted.

Down in the torture chambers, Ranma found the need to cast a geyser spell. Akane had actually been most grateful as Ranma had gotten her away from the overly horny mistresses that had 'treated' her over the past week. She'd converted an hour into the first day, but the mistresses had been rather EXCITED in their duties. So much so that they failed to note or care that it had happened.

* * *

Three days later, the ambassadorial fleet finally made it to the U.N. building. The flight had only taken a mere ten hours, but thanks to the time zone differences, it had been closer to seventeen hours (or was it eighteen? Ranma hated figuring out how time zones worked).

Standing in attendance were the best-mannered and best-looking of the non-earth based creatures. Several elves, half Sylvan, half dark; Bagor and three of his old training buddies who'd managed to survive the war; a Salamander named Hassaraaaaaacckkk; a dragon named Zone; a bile demon named Erpus; a troll named Grumble; Zachariach the Elite Dark Angel; and two fairies, Pfil and Pamela. Nabiki had twitched uncomfortably at the names and appearances of the fairies, but didn't explain why. Ranma decided to shrug it off.

The meeting with the U.N. went over more smoothly than Nabiki had figured possible. The heavily-Islamic-based governments were notably put off by the fairies, Zone, Horny, Zachariach and Erpus. Especially when it was noted that Horny, Zachariach and Erpus were actually of demonic origin, as were the demon spawn that had remained back in Harmonia.

The U.S. congress' reaction was split. Twenty percent were whole-heartedly against the idea of Harmonia's demonic-infested existance, let alone any idea of an alliance; twenty percent were undecided; fifty percent were in favor, as it was revealed that numerous animals, including griffins, unicorns and pegasi, lived on Harmonia as well (even though they'd never been included in the war, they did exist). Not to mention, those elf chicks were hot (that alone had gained twenty percent of the vote).

And the last ten percent were laughing too hard to vote for some apparent reason. One senator later managed to say something about "the coalition", then burst into fresh laughter. He was almost hospitalized.

Most of the rest of the countries were either trying to figure out if the whole thing was somehow an elaborate hoax, or ultimately uncaring ("Another country? Big deal. So long as they don't invade my country, I don't have a problem with it.")

It was when the U.N. and the U.S. tried editting the final press release that things hit the fan. The media whores...er, hoard, were nearly in an orgasmic frenzy, which could only be likened to "a plague of locusts o'er the land", reporting willy-nilly about the various creatures and trying to get exclusive interviews.

Oddly enough, the first few major interviews went not to the big- time networks, like ABC, CBS, NBC or CNN; nor the large magazines, like Time or People; but to smaller-time talk shows and magazines. Horny showed up on Comedy Central's "The Daily Show With John Stewart", Lundar spoke on PBS' Masterpiece Theater, and Zone showed up on TechTV's "X-Play" for a reason that didn't become known until an imp reported that Zone had managed to use a polymorph spell to disguise himself as human and visited a gaming arcade (some viewers thought the station had splurged for cutting- edge 3D graphics for some oblique reason). Bagor signed on with "The Crocodile Hunter" to help guide host Steve Irwin to the nesting grounds of various new species that existed only on Harmonia.

The National Geographic went nearly insane at the possibility of reporting on the life functions of Harmonia's many inhabitants and managed to sign a painful but valuable lease to explore the island with a few powerful guides.

And for nearly seventy-two hours of having to beg for reports from lesser stations and magazines, the big stations and papers finally got limited license to speak with various people and creatures of Harmonia.

A few nosy independent reporters attempted to get around to various off-limits areas, only to find that Ranma's security around those areas was beyond their meager means to ever perceive. After all, if one didn't know there WAS a door there, how could one even begin thinking of opening it?

But the exhuastive interviews and celebrity acclaim weren't all that Ranma found himself saddled with, as the Governor of Minnesota, Jessie Ventura, asked for someone to help the investigation in the disappearance of Duluth, Minnesota.

Ranma stared down at the massive burn mark. He couldn't sense any other Dungeon Hearts, but that didn't mean there weren't any around. After all, the Dungeon Hearts were capable of producing the Fog of War, which would prevent him from directly sensing the opponent's Dungeon Heart.

He cast Sight of Evil twenty times around the area and looked for any trace of imps expanding their lords' territory. After about an hour, he finally discovered what he was looking for.

"Well, a Dungeon Heart was here, but from the looks of it, whoever owned it hauled ass out of here, taking everything they stole with them." Ranma commented to Lundar.

"Then it is as we feared..." Lundar noted.

"..." Ranma replied.

* * *

Underneath a nearby town, the sound of metal striking metal could have been heard... if one was roughly three hundred feet below ground. The sound had been almost constant for the last several hours. It continued for another twenty minutes before finally stopping.

Had an observer been looking at the source, they would have found it in a workshop, where the glowing figure of a man stood next to a hot forge. The glow faded as the man wiped sweat off his face and proceeded to put something into a barrel of water. The water hissed as the heat from the object changed it into steam.

He turned his head towards the lit doorway, revealing a haggard man in his mid-twenties. He wore a sweat-soaked yellow t-shirt and light grey shorts.

As if on cue, an imp appeared in the door way. It hurried over next to the man who pulled the object out of the water and handed it to the imp.

"That should be the last of it." he announced.

The imp took the item and hurried off, as if it hadn't understood the man at all. He 'tch'ed, then shrugged. He didn't need those imps to understand. They were just lackeys.

He grabbed towel from nearby and wiped his face and arms free of sweat before heading into the next room where several imps were busy putting the final piece together for his masterpiece.

"Once this is done, I'll dominate this world! BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA- HAHAHAAHAHAAA!!" the man laughed.

* * *

Ukyou and Shampoo were shocked. Well, Shampoo wasn't entirely shocked, seeing as she came from a warrior culture, but the news was still rather surprising, as it had to do with Ranma.

"Ranma killed people?" Ukyou inquired.

Horny didn't understand what the whole big deal was. After all, for the longest time, in order to survive, there were only four real options: be strong enough to kill others, be smart enough to kill others, be smart enough to hide or be rich enough to buy protection.

"Yes, but usually only the people who would never convert to his side. There were a number of exceptions early on, but those were because he wasn't good enough to convert people yet." Horny replied.

"You telling truth?" Shampoo asked, her eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion.

"When someone is as powerful as I, they have no need to make false statements. To do so would be pointless as it garners no further power and may get me in further trouble with my master." Horny replied.

Shampoo sighed. The large red demon had a point. There was no benefit in lying about Ranma. She glanced at Ukyou to gauge the chef- turned-apprentice's reaction. The reaction wasn't abject horror like Shampoo had believed most likely, but rather contemplation.

Apparently, the japanese girl had either recovered and was likely considering if she could still stand to pursue someone who had blood on their hands. Had Shampoo been privy to Ukyou's thoughts, she would have found her assumption to be wrong.

Ukyou was NOT considering if she could stand to pursue Ranma. Instead, she chiding herself for not picking up on the signals earlier. The amount of money Ranma had made, the fame he'd garnered, and even the new powers, all of it wasn't likely unless Ranma had done something violent or underhanded to get it.

"Where is Ranma now?" Ukyou asked.

"Investigating the possibility of another enemy." Horny responded.

"Another enemy?" Shampoo inquired.

"Has he had the chance to talk to you about the Dungeon Heart?" Horny queried, hoping that the answer was "yes", as it would take a LOOOONG time to explain.

Both girls nodded, much to Horny's relief.

Horny scratched his chin, "Well, there's a high percentage of Dungeon Heart users who are evil. The Dungeon Hearts occassionally get flung into another dimension instead of simply being destroyed. I don't know all the details on that, but the heart of the matter is that a number of Dungeon Hearts have come to this dimension and Ranma has to seek them out."

"So, new enemy is strong like Ranma?" Shampoo inquired.

"I don't think so, but there's the possibility that they might become as strong as him. In any case, it would be better to deal with them while they're still relatively weak than try and fight them when they get stronger." Horny replied.

Shampoo had to agree that the logic was sound. When evil was involved, it was better to take it out immediately, regardless of fairness.

Ukyou agreed with it as well, but her mind was focused on something else. She thanked Horny and left, deep in thought.

* * *

Nabiki was a bit put off. She didn't normally mind the fairies who flew around willy-nilly, she most certainly did not want any tagging along with her and her new personal assistant, Pirotess the Dark Elf (another person who caused Nabiki's eye to twitch for reasons the residents of Harmony could not understand). Especially, not Pfil and Pamela.

Perhaps it was the outfits they wore, which closely resembled the tight latex bodysuits of the Mistress'. Perhaps it was the way they'd make out when bored, not even bothering to move to a secluded area. But mainly, it had to do with the fact that they reminded her of the two main stars of the pornographic novel, The Bondage Fairies.

Worse, they'd become "attracted" to Nabiki's brilliant mind and were trying to persuade her to try being a lesbian. Nabiki had no real animosity towards lesbians, since she had long since become convinced that Akane was one, but she wanted to remain heterosexual.

Pirotess, at least, agreed with Nabiki. After all, she was dating a nice Dark Knight by the name of Ashram (who's name and face brought that twitch back to Nabiki's eye). And though she'd tried that lesbian thing (sort of a necessity when one was converted in Ranma's torture chambers), she'd decided it wasn't for her either.

But that wasn't stopping the two naughty fairies from trying to "convert" Nabiki in their own very suggestive way.

Finally, as Nabiki and Pirotess were trying to focus on scheduling the next conference with Barbara Walters and Lord Titus in the library, while Pamela and Pfil had wild sex on a table next to them, salvation finally came in the form of a rogue.

"Shoo! Shoo, be off with ye now." the rogue said, shooing the fairies off.

The two fairies, disappointed, gathered their clothes and flew out of the library.

"How did you do that?" Nabiki asked.

"You just need to know how to deal with them. Doesn't always work, but if you acted like they're nothing more than an annoyance, they generally get the idea." the rogue responded.

"You're... Autolycus, right?" Pirotess inquired, "Yeah, we met during the attack on Lord Tiberius' domain."

Autolycus smiled, "I'm glad you remember... the King of Thieves."

Pirotess rolled her eyes, "You were decent, but no king."

Autolycus' smile faded a bit, "Well, sure, but that's what I'm aiming for."

"It's good to have goals." Pirotess commented.

"Here's another: How about dinner?" Autolycus inquired.

"'fraid not. I'm afraid my boyfriend, Ashram, wouldn't appreciate that." Pirotess answered.

"And I'm too busy right now." Nabiki replied, concentrating on giving Titus enough time to rest and have lunch inbetween the Walters interview and the ceremonial appointment of new lords of the land.

Autolycus snapped his fingers in frustration. He'd been hoping one of them was free, but it was a better man who accepted a lady's refusal, "Well, perhaps another time."

As the rogue left, Pirotess glanced at the sunlight on the floor, "Actually, Nabiki, you should probably get something to eat."

Nabiki nodded in agreement as she finished the schedule. Lord Titus would just have to eat a bit quicker than normal. She hurried down towards the kitchen, hoping to grab a bite of lunch.

As she neared the longest stairwell in the castle, however, a blonde woman stepped out of room just next to the stairs. Nabiki noticed the woman was staggering a bit and holding her head, but as she neared, the woman suddenly fell towards the stairwell. Panicking, Nabiki quickly grabbed the woman by the left arm and pulled her backwards to safety.

"You okay?" Nabiki inquired.

The blonde woman shook her head weakly, a cold sweat on her face. Nabiki frowned. Lunch would have to wait until she could find a place for the woman to rest.

* * *

(1) - This is where four pointed stars appear in the character's eyes and/or in the air around them.  
(2) - SEA-MAN, SEA-MAN, not semen, SEA-MAN! It's a term used for sailors. But I was going to be using "sailors" a lot, so I decided to add some class and a minor thesaurus.  
(3) - Galleon is a term for a good sized sailing vessel. They were popular because they were fair at just about everything, if memory serves.

Chapter 13: Things Aren't Always As They Seem  
Ranma finds the first new Dungeon Keeper!  
Barbara Walters asks Titus the infamous question! (no, not really.)  
An all female slumber party in Ranma's dungeon!  
Akane french-kisses a Demon Spawn! (no, not really.)  
The Catholic Church throws a hissy-fit!  
And more hot and sweaty flesh!

COMPLETE CAST LIST (living and deceased)  
as well as their unit designation!  
_Side note: A strange thing about DK2 is that the random name generator can give just about any name to any creature. I once found myself with a Mistress named Bagor and a Bile Demon named Lotus. Only the Elite creatures, Princes, King Reginald and the various Lords of the Land have set names and even then, they might be given secondary names ( )._

( indicates the person did not exist in the game. Instead, they were either made up by me or were taken from another source.)

* * *

Notables/Irregulars

Ranma Saotome - _Keeper_  
Nodoka Saotome - _Knight_  
Genma Saotome - _Goblin_  
Kasumi Tendo - _Wizard_  
Nabiki Tendo - _Negotiator_  
Akane Tendo - _Bile Demon_  
Soun Tendo - _Monk_  
Ukyou Kuonji - _Wizard_  
Shampoo - _Giant_  
Cologne - _Monk_  
Ryoga Hibiki - _Barbarian_  
Mikado Sanzenin - _Putz_  
Tatewaki Kuno - _Samurai_  
Kodachi Kuno - _Mistress_  
Horniculus Horny - _Horned Reaper_  
Lundar - _Advisor_  
Grim - _Horned Reaper - Returned to Havoc_  
Havoc - _Dark God_

Keepers  
Gargoyle - _Keeper - Deceased_  
Dante - _Keeper - Exiled_  
Morgana - _Keeper - Exiled_  
Drakon - _Keeper - Exiled_  
Bruxiel - _Keeper - Deceased_  
Malachi - _Keeper - Exiled_  
Malleus - _Keeper - Deceased_  
Ventrius - _Keeper - Exiled_  
Geld - _Keeper - Exiled_  
Faust - _Keeper - Exiled_  
Fabius - _Keeper - Exiled_  
Nemesis - _Keeper - Deceased_

Lords/Royalty  
Lord Antonius - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Darius - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Avaricious - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Ludwig - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Constantine - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Ironhelm - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Sigmund - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Titus - _Lord of the Land - Promoted to General_  
Lord Bramble - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Ronin - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Fallow - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Stardust - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Chikan - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Sigmas - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Tiberius - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Volstag - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Pureheart - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Lord Zenith - _Lord of the Land - Deceased_  
Princess Relena - _Princess/Monk_  
Princess Honey - _Princess/Knight_  
Princess Mina - _Princess/Wizard_  
Prince Timothy - _Prince/Knight_  
Prince Anthony - _Prince/Knight_  
Prince Daniel - _Prince/Knight_  
King Reginald - _King/Knight_  
Glynn - _Stone Knight - Destroyed_  
Erdrick - _Stone Knight - Destroyed_

Minions  
Michael - _Knight_  
Corwin - _Knight_  
Lynn - _Fairy_  
Loxias - _Thief_  
Bagor - _Goblin_  
Maidel - _Mistress_  
Lotus - _Mistress_  
Mina - _Mistress_  
Nausica - _Mistress_  
Olan - _Warlock_  
Locar - _Warlock_  
Kain - _Royal Guard_  
Ian - _Royal Guard_  
Goronis - _Knight_  
Greylle - _Wizard_  
Armace - _Wizard_  
Harkon - _Dark Angel - Deceased_  
Carrion - _Dark Angel - Deceased_  
Leichas - _Dark Angel - Deceased_  
Kaleb - _Elite Dark Knight_  
Gervaise - _Elite Rogue_  
Kessler van Doom - _Elite Vampire_  
Bane - _Elite Skeleton_  
Almeric - _Elite Warlock_  
Grubb - _Elite Goblin_  
Knud - _Elite Troll_  
Bloz - _Elite Bile Demon_  
Furnace - _Elite Salmander_  
Dominique - _Elite Mistress_  
Zenobia - _Elite Dark Elf_  
Bzzzt - _Elite Firefly_  
Zachariach - _Elite Dark Angel_  
Dart - _Elite Royal Guard - Red_  
Shana - _Elite Royal Guard - White_  
Rose - _Elite Royal Guard - Black_  
Haschel - _Elite Royal Guard - Purple_  
Meru - _Elite Royal Guard - Blue_  
Albert - _Elite Royal Guard - Green_  
Kongol - _Elite Royal Guard - Gold_

New Cast  
Autolycus - _Rogue_  
Pfil - _Fairy_  
Pamela - _Fairy_  
Hassaraaaaaacckkk - _Salamander_  
Zone - _Dragon_  
Erpus - _Bile Demon_  
Grumble - _Troll_  
Pirotess - _Dark Elf_  
Ashram - _Dark Knight_

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never EVER Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
Or  
_A Dungeon Heart Is Forever - (AT LEAST UNTIL YOU KILL THEM!)_

* * *

Excel blinked. The path to ACROSS headquarters had roughly six or seven turns with two other possible directions at each turn. She'd always wondered what was down most of the other turns. Since she was done with her report for the day (with it's consequential dunking, of course), and Hyatt (or Hatchan) had already headed home, Excel decided to indulge her curiosity just this once.

She stepped down on of the first wrong turns and had gotten roughly seventeen steps down the path when the building above the path was knocked down, causing an earth tremor that broke the cement beneath her feet, sending her plummetting to the dark depths of a formerly unexplored cavern.

She only managed to scream out, "I DON'T THINK I DESERVE TO FAll again so soon, you stupid-"

Excel awoke with a splitting headache. However, the fact that she hadn't seen the Great Will of the Macrocosm meant that she was still alive.

She opened her eyes to see a giant red demon holding a massive scythe staring down at her across from a grey-haired old man wearing a black robe and leaning heavily on a staff. Both were looking down at her with disbelief.

"She CAN'T be our new keeper..." the red demon began, a lot of disbelief in his voice. Excel took a brief moment to look it over. The demon was large. It stood easily seven feet tall with thick muscles that would have put most of the large guys Ranma knew to shame. It had red skin, an enormous chin, yellow slitted eyes, hooved feet and two large horns growing from the side of it's head, giving it an almost demonic look. Over it's chest and shoulders was metal armor, it wore a loin cloth with hip guards and on the front side of it's legs were thick metal armor similar to the kind it wore on it's chest. In it's nose was a thick black ring, reminding Excel of a bull's nose ring.

She sat up as the old man began to speak, "Well, she's better than nothing..."

Excel huffed as she jumped to her feet with a look of indignation, "I'm not nothing or a keeper or a Keeper of Nothing! I am the Senior Officer and Public Relations Officer of ACROSS, EXCEL!"

"That's... quaint. My name is Lundar and his is Horniculus or Horny for short. You have landed on the Dungeon Heart, thus... you are our new master." Lundar explained.

Excel's thoughts processes went so: Horny & Lundar - New Servants, New Servants - Praise from Ilpalazzo, Praise from Ilpalazzo - AWESOME!, AWESOME! - Possible regular meals!!!

Excel smiled evilly, "Oh, this is going to be sweeeeeeet..."

**Excel Excel - Excel Saga**

**Pros:** ACROSS gains a powerful new weapon; Il Palazzo no longer need worry about personnel problems; conquest of F City, F Prefecture can actually be completed.

**Cons:** Imps aren't that useful at striking fear into the hearts of the citizens of F City, F Prefecture; Imps would turn into Mini-Excels (can you imagine the size of the pit needed to dunk all of them?); Il Palazzo would need to rely on Excel; Horny would probably leave.

Today's Experiment. . . . . **BAD IDEA**

* * *

Got something to add to this feature? Want to write a mini-story of how horrible these ideas might be? Feel free to e-mail it to me at 


	13. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 13

It had taken a while, but Nodoka Saotome had regained her sense of self. She had gone a bit crazy from the increased hormones and extra energy gained from being a teenager once again, but she'd managed to balance out.

She still wouldn't remarry Genma for all the tea, rice and bread in the world, but she had balanced out.

As such, Nodoka found herself in a very unique situation, a situation that very few people ever found thsemselves in: Being able to join the very generation she'd once placed her hopes on.

Having lost nineteen years of age (though she would've claimed less), Nodoka had serious issues to consider. Now that she was young again (a few sorceresses in Ranma's staff had done a thorough examination and confirmed that the process would not undo itself), she was free to decide her own future for once.

That was part of the problem. Her prior life had been dominated by her family. During her early childhood and teen years, she'd been crushed into a role that was uncomfortable and uninviting. She'd been married off to Genma, who had been part of a family of a slightly lesser standing.

She would have rather barfed up her appendix than marry the slovenly man, but her parents had done a fairly good job of crushing Nodoka's will. Sure, she was proud of the son that Genma had given her, but as far as she was concerned, that was pretty much the only good thing that had came from the arranged marriage.

For the last fourteen years, sitting alone at home, she'd look outside at the younger girls who's wills weren't crushed and their personalities forced into specific ruts by their parents. A new age of women's liberal movement had given the latest generation more freedom than Nodoka had ever had.

There was no way in hell Nodoka was missing out on the fun this time around. Her parents had kicked the bucket and there was no way in hell either one was going to hold Nodoka Saotome back!

* * *

**Dungeon Keeper Ranma  
Chapter 13: Things Aren't Always As They Seem  
By A-kun**

* * *

_Author's note: My apologies, but this chapter will be  
shorter than others. So, I slapped on a bunch of replies  
to extend it. Enjoy! Or not! BEEEEEDAH:P_

* * *

It had caused a minor trance. Mostly because Ranma didn't believe who it came from.

"A what?" Ranma inquired.

"Slumber party!" Nodoka repeated.

"..." Ranma began, before snapping out of his minor trance again. This time, he asked a different question, "Why?"

"Ranma, you know how noble women were treated back in the feudal ages, right?" Nodoka asked.

"Yeah... they were forced into roles to get husbands and essentially bartered for a better social standing... why?" Ranma inquired. He'd never liked that part of history, but his disliking of it grew when he'd gained his curse. He hated the idea of having his freedom stepped on.

"That's how my mother and father thought. I have two brothers and I was the only daughter, so I had to put up with that stupid ideal." Nodoka explained, clenching a fist in anger, "And frankly, I missed out on a lot of things girls today take for granted. Like slumber parties, karoake bars, movies... even things as pathetic as board games were denied to me! The only times I ever got to see a movie was when it was a family movie, and the one time I ever played a board game that wasn't Shogi or Go was the time a friend and I played a rare copy of Monopoly at her house before she moved to the U.S. permanently!"

Ranma almost felt like taking a step back. His mother had a LOT of repressed rage that was coming to the forefront now that she'd been freed from the shackles of maturity.

"Well, I don't have a problem with it. If you want to, I guess I can let you use the dungeon in Nerima..." Ranma began.

"And you'll come too, right?" Nodoka inquired.

"Uhh..." Ranma began.

Nodoka splashed Ranma with a bucket of cold water, which finally explained why she'd been carrying it in the first place.

"I mean, we're almost sisters, if you go by age." Nodoka commented, smiling widely.

"..." Ranma-chan responded, "Fine, I'll come along."

"WOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nodoka cried happily.

Ranma-chan heated the water still on her body and returned to being Ranma-kun, "I've still got a lot of work to do today, but I'll be back later. I promised Governor Ventura that I'd investigate Duluth more, so if you need something, just ask one of my minions, okay?"

Nodoka nodded before Ranma teleported away. Nodoka did a few cartwheels of pure joy, then pulled out a notebook, "Okay, we need ice cream, soda, a few party games, at least four normal movies and three pornos... mmmm, a good mix of magazines of the same... hmmm, actually, I better ask Ranma if they have any electric outlets down here..."

* * *

Tatewaki was confused. This was because the situation he found himself in was quite the perplexing one. Ranma Saotome had pretty much admitted to the world that he was, indeed, a sorcerer, like Tatewaki had always believed. However, Ranma was playing the part of a benevolent sorcerer, which meant either Tatewaki had been wrong about the "foul" part, or he was simply hiding it.

But none of that mattered at the moment.

The Prime Minister of Japan and most of the members of the Diet were visiting their humble abode and asking Tatewaki to become the official Ambassador to Harmonia, since he had frequently spoken with Ranma Saotome and thus, could make a better impression than most of the people in Japan.

Apparently, they had not heard of Tatewaki's... dislike for the younger male Saotome (Tatewaki found he could barely tolerate the elder Saotome).

The reason they were turning to the Kunou clan was a simple one. Every other member of the Kunou clan were ambassadors, save for his father (who had married into the clan), his sister and himself. In fact, Japan currently only had ten or so ambassadors that WEREN'T from the Kunou clan.

It wasn't something Kunou liked to focus on, but while the Kunou clan had a proud samurai ancestory, they only truly distinguished themselves as delegates, ambassadors and negiotiators.

Thus, why the current administration was eager to get the next available (and mostly sane) member of the Kunou family as the next ambassador to one of the most important countries in the world.

Tatewaki was loathe to meet with the male Ranma Saotome, but on the other hand, it was his patriotic duty to honor his ancestors and continue the other tradition of the household.

Ultimately, Tatewaki found he had to accept. After all, personal grudges were nothing to his family's honor.

"I accept." Tatewaki said.

"WOOHOO! BREAK OUT THE SAKE!"

"Who let him in here?" the Prime Minister inquired.

"He's the entertainer for the evening." his assistant answered.

"Make a note never to bring Mister Yotsuya ever again." the Prime Minister replied.

* * *

Nabiki looked over the girl. She didn't know what had been ailing her, but the blonde girl certainly hadn't been in any sort of condition to be walking by herself.

Luckily, there was an infirmary in the castle. Genma and Soun were the only other patients in the room, and that was because they'd been gorging themselves on the tasty foods provided by the castle's chef.

"Back again, eh, Cerl?" the priestess, Melissa, asked.

"Again?" Nabiki inquired.

"She's got a condition that she keeps ignoring until she gets like this." Melissa inquired.

"What kind of condition?" Nabiki asked.

Melissa paused, "Chronic stomach cramps. She gets them from eating certain foods, but she won't give them up."

Nabiki got the feeling that the priestess wasn't telling the truth, but decided to lay off of the subject.

"Well, I've got to be going. I hope she feels better." Nabiki replied.

As Nabiki left, Cerl opened her eyes. She waited until the Tendo girl was out of the room before whispering, "Thanks, Melissa, for not blabbing."

"It's not my place to tell your secret. I just hope you find that potion soon." Melissa answered.

"I'm close. Just a few more days at most. Then this will all go away for good." Cerl responded.

* * *

"MwehehehehehahahhaHAHAHAHaHAhaHaHAHAAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA!" he cackled evilly, "With these creatures, the world will soon be MINE! WAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!"

Suddenly, an imp ran up and chittered at him.

"What do you mean 'We're under attack'? Who'd attack us?" the man inquired, turning to see a giant red demon and a cocky pigtailed martial artist standing in the doorway.

The man blinked, "Who are you?"

"I'm Dungeon Keeper Ranma, and this is Horny. And we'd like to talk to you about what happened recently." Ranma began.

"What? Someone trip over one of my imps at the junkyard?" the man asked.

"No, the entire city of Duluth was apparently incinerated." Ranma answered, frowning. He got the feeling the man was genuinely confused. And it was quite possible too.

"It was WHAT?" the man asked, a panicked look on his face, before depression set in, "Aw, man! I loved that pizzeria! Not as much as Fat Lorenzo's, but that's too much of a drive."

"Wait, if you didn't do that, then what's your scheme to rule the world?" Ranma asked, looking at all of the Sci Fi nutrient-filled tubes that filled the room.

The man recovered and grinned evilly, "I shall rule this world WITH THESE!"

The man gestured and one of the tube drained and opened, releasing a small brown furry creature, "Eevee?"

Ranma's left eye twitched. He had the feeling he now understood why Nabiki's eye twitched a lot. The man bent down and picked up the furry fox-squirrel creature, grinning widely, "That's right! I can now create Pokemon or Monster Rancher creatures! With enough practice, maybe even Digimon! Ooooh, they're so cuuuuute..."

Ranma managed to keep his composure, though he was VERY tempted to facefault. Horny wasn't sure what the tiny creatures were good for. Maybe they were delicious?

"Okay, I suppose I can let you go, but if you cause any trouble, we'll be back." Ranma declared, trying to regain face for essentially bothering an Otaku.

"Oh goodness, I'd better not SNORE." the man mocked him.(1)

Ranma and Horny glared at him.

"Sorry, couldn't resist." the man apologized meekly.

* * *

Jerry Falwell was a fat-headed moron who complained a lot. And for some unknown reason, people actually stopped to listen. However, through some divine miracle, ever since Harmonia made it's appearance, he was simply looking more and more like a giant twit that no one should listen to.

He had predicted that with the rise of the demons, violent crimes too would rise. He also predicted that the number of so-called unsolved murders and disappearances would sky-rocket.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

Actually SEEING demons walking around had caused a sharp decrease in murders and such. After all, seeing is believing and the thought of becoming a bile demon was not exactly something most people wanted to consider. Worse was the idea of being tortured by one, especially after the footage of one who had ambushed a convenience store robber and spent ten minutes bouncing up and down on the criminal, farting relentlessly, before the police came to take the poor crying bastard to a safe prison.

Even worse for criminals, was the fact that various creatures and warriors of Harmonia were making themselves available to police forces around the world. So, one didn't have to just worry about a police dog chasing them down, one also had to worry about a police DRAGON chasing them down.

And 99.999998 of all criminals shat their pants when they found out that bullets didn't work on dragons or Dark Angels, nor could they penetrate any part of the enchanted armor of the Knights and Dark Knights, not even the eye holes of the helmets.

"Funny, that." Ranma murmurred. He'd been worried about how enchanted armor would deal with bullets, but apparently, without significant substance or magic behind it, bullets were worthless, while crossbow bolts and arrows weren't.

His wizards had come up with the answer: an arrow or a quarrel struck the armor, and while the force from the tip was lessened, the weight and momentum of the rest of the projectile was sometimes enough to penetrate the armor's outer layer. A bullet, on the other hand, was so light, that when magic stopped the force, there was no weight or momentum to push it any further.

So, either criminals would have to start arming themselves with swords and crossbows again or else, they were shit out of luck.

With revelations of the improved law enforcement, almost no group found any significant reason to stop Harmonia from extending a helping hand.

Except for three.

The first was the Taliban, but since they were shitheads, no one would listen to them.

The second were corrupt politicians who had a lot to lose from their criminal organizations being broken up. And unfortunately for them, the weight of the glares sent their way when they protested, often let that little fact slip out into daylight.

And the final one was, surprisingly, NOT the Catholic Church (oh, they threw a large hissy-fit, but could find nothing openly wrong with the actions of any of creatures of Harmonia, and besides none of the demons or Dark Angels so much as flinched when faced with any of the holy relics of the Faith), but rather, the Christian Coalition.

Yes, the same "geniuses" who though Wisdom Tree were Gods of Gaming, who thought Pokemon were demon spawn (which was laughable, because they were now products of specialized magical breeding and not demonic in the least), and who threw a huge hissy fit when Dungeons and Dragons got a crappy Saturday morning cartoon.

Of course, the Coalition tripped on it's own feet and managed to choke itself half to death when various open-minded Christians all abandoned the Coalition, leaving it as flaccid in political power as it was in mental power.

* * *

Ranma-chan found herself at the slumber party with mixed emotions. She was glad to get away from the nearly relentless requests, insults, suggestions, threats and every other kind of correspondence that she'd received since Harmonia had made it's grand entrance into the world proper.

Ranma-chan could probably name almost everyone in the slumber party, but she didn't want to, because she didn't want to think much.

Her mother had really gone all out. There were drinks aplenty, snacks, little steamtray entrees, a grill/bar, comics, magazines, PLENTY of beds generously donated by a number of mattress companies (who begged that Ranma not make Lairs available to anyone outside of Harmonia), televisions, DVD/CD players, PS2s, XBoxes, Gamecubes, and even a series of sixty four top quality PCs that were networked for a LAN party. Of course, with so much hitech equipment, it was unsurprising that Nodoka had opted against the board games.

Oddly enough, they'd found out that sticking the male end of a plug into a mana fountain was the same as an outlet. It also worked as a T2 line. No one was sure why, but they had all the lines smoothed over so that no one could accidentally knocked the plugs out.

The party was reaching it's full swing when Ranma-chan had entered. Nodoka was flitting energetically from one side of the room to the other. It almost looked like Ranma-chan was watching the Flash on crack.

"HEADSHOT!" came the digitized voice from the LAN party, followed by Kasumi yelling, "WOOHOO!"

Shampoo was dancing with a group of Dark Elves, who apparently had the same tribal dances as the Jokuketsuzoku, to a Fleetwood Mac album (which, thanks to the Dungeon Heart, they could understand perfectly); Ukyou had opted to man the bar and was serving up a multitude of foods that she didn't normally make at her resturaunt, aided by a female rogue named Konatsu; Princess Mina and Maidel were playing co-op Mario Kart: Double Dash! on one of the Gamecubes; Princess Honey was having a blast playing Halo; while Princess Relena and a few elves were fascinated by .Hack//Infection.

Ranma-chan sat down on a lone mattress and sighed with relief. With everyone preoccupied, she might be able to get some re-

"PILLOW FIGHT!"

WHAPTHUMP

Ranma-chan glared at Nabiki, grabbed a free pillow and retaliated.

And Ranma-chan found that the party was actually a lot of fun after that, even if everyone wound up hot, sweaty and in their underwear.

At least, until Nodoka whipped out the porno videos.

The images of Martian Sexxessor Nadesico, The Screwers (a Slayers parody), and La Blue Genesis Evangelion would be burned into Ranma-chan's brain for a month.(2)

* * *

And somewhere, Akane shuddered at the thought of hot, sweaty flesh and decided that next time, she wouldn't ask the chef for freshly made brats.

Then a demon spawn leapt out of nowhere and tried to eat the brat straight of Akane's mouth, making it look like she was french-kissing it.

* * *

(1) - Borrowed line from the infamous Mojo Jojo of the Powerpuff Girls when similarly threatened.  
(2) - If you're wondering, no, they don't exist. However, I'm HIGHLY surprised that no lemon authors have tried to make stories with these names!

Next time, I'll hopefully move away from things that might piss off various religious readers! And make the chapter a decent size!

I also altered it so that people don't have to trudge through those boring Q & A things to read the FUNNY omake.

Chapter 14: Kunous and Keepers  
Tatewaki meets Ranma...AGAIN!  
A feud between unlikely Keepers!  
Genma's Operation True Romance 2!  
Happosai...DEAD?!  
And Ryouga's Fearless Return!

Mister Yotsuya is courtesy of Maison Ikkoku.

Most people who've read the entire manga collection or watched the entire anime thinks they know each character.

Tatewaki and Kodachi Kunou are both fairly intelligent.

Some people might answer with a laugh and say, "Yeah RIGHT!"

But think about this: Tatewaki knows Japanese (an already difficult language to master for anyone not born with their speech patterns), Ancient Japanese, English, Classical English (which, anyone who's gotten a migraine reading The Bard will understand IS a separate language) and French (if you include the dubbed version of the anime).

Anyone who knows that many languages, even if not entirely fluent in them, is generally pretty smart. And Kodachi probably is about as good. Kodachi is also good at science.

Now, that brings up the question, "If he's smart, why can't he figure out the Ranma-male and Ranma-female are the same person? And that neither Ranma-female nor Akane want his affections?"

That starts to hit a pretty critical point. He might be a Genius.

That's right, Tatewaki and Kodachi Kunou might be Geniuses.

Why do I say this?

Because one of the traits of genius is having a large amount of intelligence in a specified field, but little (if any) COMMON SENSE.

And Common Sense would point Tatewaki to the correct answers to the questions regarding Ranma and Akane.

In this regard, Nodoka, Kasumi, and various other cast members of the Ranma 1/2 universe may also be geniuses. (Ranma definitely is. No common sense whatsoever in that boy.)

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
Or  
A Dungeon Heart Is Forever (AT LEAST UNTIL YOU KILL THEM!)

* * *

Naga was sent flying, as usual, by Lina's "energetic" reply to a band of bandits trying to ambush them. Of course, the bandits had been IN FRONT of Lina and Naga had been BEHIND Lina, so Naga was beginning to think that Lina wasn't exactly telling her the truth about it being "just a lack of focus".

As she smashed through a surprisingly thin rock face, she landed in the middle of three roofless archways over a strange beating thingy. Naga brushed off the rock as both an elderly man and a large red horned demon entered the room.

"Oh, come ON! This has got to be the most ridiculous Omake yet!" Horny complained.

"YOU DARE COMPLAIN ABOUT THE GREAT NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT?! YOU SHALL KNEEL BEFORE ME, PITIFUL DEMON! OOOOOHHH-" Naga began.

Then Lina smacked Naga over the head with a slipper, distracting Naga from her trademark laugh.

Then, she turned the author, who was masturbating furiously at the thought of all the Naga-imps, and cast a Dragon Slave.

BOOM

The End

A-kun: pouting HEY! I wasn't masturbating FURIOUSLY!

Naga the White Serpent - Slayers

_Pros:_ Lina could get all the money she ever wanted; Mini-Naga imps would be both kawaii and sexy; life of luxury would be easily attainable.

_Cons:_ Mini-Naga imps would amplify THE LAUGH.

_Final Decision:_ BAD IDEA (unless you're completely deaf.)

* * *

Got something to add to this feature? Want to write a mini- story of how horrible these ideas might be? 


	14. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 14

Tatewaki Kunou had often dreamed of being a knight in shining armor, like those told in old english tales of King Arthur, or a proud samurai, like stories of Miyamoto Musashi.

He could envision how the older world worked, and fit himself firmly above the lower castes, but he'd always imagined them as having as grand a time just living as he had dreaming up that world.

His favorite daydream had him riding on the back of a proud and noble steed, as magnificient as Tatewaki himself, his family house's banner flying proudly behind him, with worthy allies riding alongside him. In his earliest dreams, he wore the proud armor of a noble samurai, though more recently, when Tatewaki discovered King Arthur, he also allowed himself to imagine a shining suit of armor, with a shield bearing his family crest on his steed's side.

He had no idea that Ranma had actually gone to the trouble of recreating the fantasy for him.

The armor, while not the traditional wooden armor of a samurai, certainly fit the King Arthur fantasy, and both his shield and the flag on his noble steed bore his family crest.

The men and women escorting him were indeed worthy allies, as they all stopped to aid a merchant who's cart had broken. Tatewaki found himself joining in, feeling invigorated by the noble nature of his companions.

He couldn't help but wonder if perhaps the Ranma Saotome that had come back was not, in fact, a sorcerer of an opposite nature to the one Tatewaki knew.

Surely, no fiend like the original Saotome Tatewaki knew would ever allow his subordinates to show compassion, or respect, to the scion of the house of Kunou.

Yes, Tatewaki thought, Truly this Ranma Saotome is not the same one I knew.

* * *

**Dungeon Keeper Ranma  
Chapter 14: Kunous and Keepers  
By A-kun**

* * *

_My Apologies for the delayed rewrite: I began to notice that I was spending more time replying to e-mails. I've removed them from the bottom of this chapter and have endeavored to fill the actual story out. Unfortunately, it's going to be wrapping up quickly, since I have to admit that most of the series was either watching Ranma decimate enemies or make new allies._

* * *

Akane was calmer. She wasn't HAPPY, but she was calmer. She'd actually gotten it into her thick skull that Ranma now had numerous followers, most of whom were fanatical in their devotion, just as she was in herself.(1)

So, she just had to be careful not to piss off the ones in the black latex. Especially, since most of them seemed to lick their lips and smile widely whenever they saw her. Almost as if they expected, nay, DARED her to try something.

Ranma wasn't easy to even catch sight of, which also made it difficult for her to talk to him and subsequently get mad and hit him with her mallet. If only he'd stay perfectly still, like those bricks she always punched, or if he was like those boys from school(2), she could give him the thrashing he so deserved.

All of the minions that she'd seen were either disgusting, (3) strange (4), or annoyingly gorgeous.(5) She'd done her level best to avoid most of them (particularly the mistresses and fairies), but she'd run into a few REALLY creepy ones by accident. The incident with Pfil and Pamela had been QUITE embarrassing, especially when Prince Daniel had inquired about the stains on her sleeves.(6)

The fact that her fellow homeworld humans were present was comforting, at least. That meant there would be all sorts of trouble for Ranma, which he deserved for all he did to her, albeit indirectly.

The roaming reporters were a bit weird, though. She'd run across a few, and when she tapped them on the shoulder to ask them what they were looking for, they threw down their cameras and ran off weeping.(7) She didn't understand why, though.

Shampoo and Ukyou were present as well, souring Akane's mood. But, they weren't getting much more attention from him than she was. And at least, a certain someone wasn't-

"OH HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO! WHERE, OH WHERE, IS MY DARLING RANMA?!" Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of St. Hebereke's School of Psychopathic Gymnasts,(8) asked as she bounded across the courtyard. Akane suddenly got an evil thought. What if Kodachi saw the Mistresses? She grinned evilly and hurried downstairs to watch the fun.

Kodachi flung open the doors to the main hallway and was greeted by the sight of a small convention of Mistresses, who were currently betting how long it would take for Akane Tendo to get into trouble, and also bartering for an earlier shot at her.

Akane stood on a nearby staircase, huffing a bit, but eager to see how Kodachi would react, just as the crazed sister of the True Blunder of Furinkan High threw open the doors.

Kodachi surveyed the group slowly, as if staring in complete and utter astonishment. Akane waited eagerly for Kodachi to say something to the tune of, "HOW DARE YOU TROLLOPS GET NEAR MY BELOVED RANMA IN SUCH TRAMPY OUTFITS!"

Akane couldn't have been more surprised by what happened if a Demon Spawn tried to french kiss her again.

"WHERE did you get that LOVELY outfit?!" Kodachi squealed, her eyes shining with girlish delight.

Akane facefaulted so hard, the staircase would have an impression of her face for about six days (when the dwarves would replace the step and destroy it out of horror).

It figured that the one girl that Akane could always count on being considered more insane and violent than herself wouldn't react how she wanted her to.

But wait... what if Kodachi found out that the mistresses had slept with Ranma?

"They've had sex with Ranma!" Akane yelled out.(9)

Kodachi looked up to see Akane standing on a staircase behind the wonderful women she was talking to. She snorted, "As if I would take the word of a commoner and liar, such as yourself, Akane Tendo."

Akane flared at being called a liar and, not seeing the look of unrestrained glee that appeared on the faces of several mistresses, charged Kodachi.

In a flurry of snaps, Akane found herself bound and gagged at Kodachi's feet, the gymnast brandishing her usual ribbon.

"Hmmm, if only I had some heels to drive in her back..." Kodachi mused.

"Want mine?" a mistress offered, clearly impressed with Kodachi's control of her flimsy-looking ribbon. After all, binding someone with a whip was one thing, but doing it with a thin silk ribbon was quite another.

"How about we get our new friend her own outfit while Akane spends time in the torture chamber?" Nausica said, placating the group.

Kodachi's eyes glimmered with almost orgasmic glee. It seemed that things that interested her at home were more than legal in Harmonia. She didn't resist as the convention of women began escorting her and Akane downstairs into the dungeon.

* * *

Dark Gods were sometimes fickle. While most could see the obvious advantage to falling in line behind a awesomely powerful warrior-mage, like Ranma Saotome, there were still some who ached for the days when sacrifices were more common and generally involved a soul or at least some blood.

As such, there were three who sought to find one of the other keepers to back. Of course, were any of them to do such things alone, their fellow dieties would swiftly put them down. However, an organized resistance was less obvious and even so, the other dark gods may overlook it in an effort to keep things peaceful, even for a little bit.

Havoc was not the eldest, nor the youngest in the newly formed separatist group. He was, however, not terribly original with his flaming demon appearance. He resembled the Reapers greatly, only his mouth was almost never open. He saved that for snacking on souls or fresh sacrifices.

Eletrunus was a "goddess" by physical terms. She had pale white skin, with long golden hair that pooled around her feet, and a rather attractive female form covered by a red ribbon that barely stopped the casual viewer from seeing nipple or her groin. The thing that startled most mortals who gazed upon her was that she had white horns sprouting from where her eyes should be. They curled back until they reached her ears and then curled upwards. She was the eldest of the group.

Mockararssad was another "goddess" by physical terms. Unlike her two compatriots, she looked rather human. In fact, disgustingly so. Mockararssad had long red hair tied into a braid, bright red eyes, white catlike ears, a white bushy tail, a red girl's school uniform, and a large sword.

Havoc was shuddering with disgust. Ever since one of Mockararssad's minions had found a manga called "Magic Knight Rayearth", Mockararssad had taken on the form of it's lead character, "Hikaru". It was enough to make a Dark God puke, if they ever did so. Unfortunately, she was the most powerful member of the group, which meant she was vital to their combined survival.

Still, the only thing worse than a fangirl was a GOD-CLASSED fangirl.

"So," Mockararssad began, bubbling with enough cuteness to make Havoc seriously consider going solo,(10) "Who should we pick? Most of these guys look like weenies."

It was true. Half of the keepers were foes Ranma had already been trounced, and would likely fail to be any sort of a challenge the second time around. Especially since Ranma's forces were expanding dangerously fast, at a rate several times greater than they had when Harmonia was in it's own dimension.

There were a few that peaked Havoc's interest, particularly that boy who'd kidnapped everyone in Duluth, then consumed all of the buildings materials in a fiery display of power to begin creation on a master fortress. He showed initiative, innovation and the kind of attitude Havoc liked. There was that one little problem of his mental state, though.

There was also another interesting keeper, a female who'd grown almost as powerful as Ranma. She'd been much less merciful to her enemies and had crushed them beneath her feet. Unlike many of the others, she was neither new nor had she been defeated by Ranma.

And finally, there was a wildcard keeper, a dog, a black labrador to be exact, who was surprisingly intelligent. He'd recently gained his Dungeon Heart, and Havoc was interested to see what the dog would do with all that power.

* * *

Nabiki didn't mind being followed by Pirotess. She'd grown accustomed to seeing Pamela and Pfil, who were attached to her like goldfish poop.

She hadn't expected Cerl to suddenly start tagging along. Of course, it became evident when Cerl offered to help out writing things down, that her attention was more than simply out of gratitude. The heavy blush on Cerl's face when Nabiki's hand had brushed hers when the brunette handed the blonde the quill she'd been using had proven that.

Since then, Cerl had been eager in suggesting backrubs, massages, short naps in secluded rooms, among other overt attempts to bed Nabiki. Nabiki wouldn't have minded if Cerl were a cute boy, but she was STRAIGHT, DAMMIT!

The odd thing was, Nabiki was having a hard time figuring out what Cerl's position was. She didn't wear the same style of armor as Princess Honey or the other female warriors, nor did she wear robes like a mage or a priestess. She didn't move like a rogue, she didn't have wings like a fairy, and she didn't wear a latex bodysuit like the Mistresses.

Yet, Nabiki got the distinct impression that Cerl was a fighter at heart.

She'd have to ask Ranma next time she saw him when Cerl wasn't around. Which, annoyingly enough, might be some time, as Cerl seemed to have all the free time in the world.

* * *

The knight removed his helmet as he entered the room and walked to the middle. His face was coated with sweat as he kneeled before his mistress. The sound of metal tapping against stone informed the rogue that his mistress was bored, which was one of the worst times to present bad news.

"I'm sorry, mistress. We didn't locate anyone in any of those locations. It seems that they have been abandoned for a week or so. There is no indication of where they might have gone." he answered.

"Very well. You may go." she answered.

He nodded and exited quickly, a look of great relief on his face as he thanked his ancestors that she had not struck him down. He didn't like failing his mistress, but there was nothing he could do to alter that fact. Their conquest of this world was just beginning and he was determined to make up for his failure.

"Kevin?" came a voice to his right.

The brown-haired knight turned to see the half-dark elf woman standing to his right.

"Oh, it's just you, Sara. I was worried for a moment that it might be-" Kevin began.

"No. Though, he IS looking for you." Sara responded.

"Any word on those locales?" Kevin inquired.

"Depends," Sara began, smiling saucily, "on what I might get in return."

"More than just my love, darling." Kevin answered.

Sara purred as she stroked Kevin's chin, "I'd like a fully detailed list..."

The knight grinned as he escorted his lovely companion to his bedchambers.

* * *

Happosai was beginning to panic. He'd returned to the Tendo Dojo and found it was empty. That in and of itself was nothing spectacular. The gang frequently went on week-long, sometimes month- long training trips in order to avoid Happosai.

The thing that made him panic was that someone had dared to go into his room and steal all of his precious panties and bras.

In fact, even the super-secret-ultra-hidden-final-emergency stash in the house (i.e. Kasumi's underwear drawer) had been found and stolen. Happosai began to tremble in rage, but he had no idea who could possibly be able to figure out where he'd hidden his darlings.

Ranma was a prime suspect, having managed to return after Happosai's banishment spell. But, even that brat couldn't have found ALL of Happosai's troves. Cologne, Soun and Genma knew Happosai enough that they might know where to look, but even they couldn't have guessed his most secret hiding places. Not to mention, none of them would have touched the underwear that rightfully belonged of the Tendo sisters.

He was feeling rather exhuasted when he stopped to look for the last trove he had hidden in Nerima and again, found it empty. Happosai's panic returned. He'd never felt so tired from simply bouncing around. He had to find a woman to grope and fast.

There was a midget with a rack. Happosai didn't like short women anymore, especially since during the "Great Perversion Black- Out" incident that Ranma had orchestrated (which had led Happosai to banish the arrogant Saotome in the first place), Cologne and many other old women had disguised themselves (with the aid of Ukyou and Tsubasa) as midget-babes and nearly shocked Happosai into a heart attack.

However, Happosai was desperate, and desperate measures had to be taken. He had to risk that this wasn't another "Great Perversion Black-Out".

"SWEETO!" Happosai cried, leaping down at the midget girl.

Half-way there, three midget guys leapt out of nowhere and kicked Happosai into a wall. Happosai was startled by the sudden attack, as his usual glomp attack was unavoidable by anyone, save the truly fast martial artists, like Ranma or Shampoo.

Happosai pulled himself from the crater and glared at his attackers.

And stopped cold.

Roughly seventy miniature male Ranma Saotomes were surrounding the tiny martial arts master, all cracking their knuckles and glaring at Happosai with that same hatred that the original Ranma bore for the ancient pervert.

The group was about to swarm him when the shock of all of the angry mini-Ranmas, combined with the lack of contact with anything feminine, caused the ancient master to finally succumb to death's tyrannical grasp.

Happosai Yagyu, ancient martial arts master, grand pervert, exiled relative of the famous Yagyu family, was dead.(11)

* * *

Despite the recent bout of fun and the surprisingly smooth assimilation of Earth and Harmonia, things were not looking well for Ranma.

He had yet to track down the Keeper responsible for Duluth, but he HAD found several other keepers. The united force of Harmonia was working covertly to take down all of them, but he was plagued with requests for interviews, various inquiries about what connection he had with whoever had destroyed Duluth from Governor Ventura, and he was stuck trying to balance his attention between Maidel, Ukyou, Shampoo, Akane and now Kodachi, and as well as deal with the fact that he was going to be meeting Tatewaki Kunou again in about an hour.

Sometimes, he wished he'd just left Harmonia where it belonged. However, he knew the fanaticism of his followers would eventually bring them to Earth anyway, so it was better to deal with all this when he was there and prepared than to explain things afterward.

Things were going to remain exhuasting for quite a while. He had to deal with all of those other pesky Dungeon Keepers who were going to use their powers for evil before the War of the Keepers engulfed his homeworld as well.

"RANMA!" came an old, familiar angry voice that Ranma was actually glad to hear.

He turned to face his arch-rival, Ryoga Hibiki, who had his traditional snarl on, like just before he made an almost insane accusation, like he was about to, "How DARE YOU trick me into sitting in a fridge! Because of you, I'VE SEEN CANADA! AND MEXICO! AND DISNEY WORLD!!"

"Did you have fun?" Ranma inquired calmly.

"Actually, I did. Canada had a nice resturaunt that I can't remember the name of, I found some good gorditas in Mexico, and at Disney World, I found this one ride where you-NEVER YOU MIND!" Ryoga retorted.

"Ryoga, how could I have tricked you into sitting in a fridge?" Ranma inquired.

Ryoga fumbled. Now that he was face to face with the genuine article, the mini-alien Ranmas seemed like a hypothermic hallucination (he'd had a few of those while in the fridge, like one where he had piloted something called the Kakuseijin and this girl with large boobs named Hinoki had a passive-aggressive affection towards him (largely passive) and constantly put her own intelligence down while saying he was much smarter than her).(12) But once he began to try and voice the argument, it fell apart rather easily.

"Well... I guess it doesn't really make any sense." Ryoga admitted, though it sounded more like he was admitting to lying about the places he'd gone to, which was the thing he wasn't lying about.

"Anyway, you lookin' for a fight?" Ranma asked.

"Not really," Ryoga answered, still feeling a bit embarrassed about the whole false accusation.

"Well, you know, I've gotten a few cool new abilities since I was away. Learned some magic even." Ranma began.

Ryoga's eyes lit up, the way a little boy's does when he hears that a kid who's friendless has a sweet video game system, and he quickly buddied up to Ranma.

"Hey, buddy, long time no see, right?" Ryoga asked rhetorically, failing to note how ridiculous he looked trying to act like they were best friends who'd just met again after being apart for a month.

"Well, nothing that can cure Jusenkyo, or nothin', but I think I could help you out in the ole' direction angle." Ranma answered.

"Really? You aren't just pullin' my chain?" Ryoga asked. Next to his direction problems, his Jusenkyo curse was actually the least of his problems. After all, if one couldn't tell which way they were facing, they couldn't really hope to dodge water.

"Yeah. See, I got this magical artifact, see, and I can find anyone who's an ally of mine and move them how I see fit." Ranma responded. He was fibbing a bit. His Dungeon Heart wouldn't let him move people TO any place his imps hadn't claimed, but he COULD always pull people loyal to him FROM any place he wanted.

"Ally?" Ryoga asked. It sounded nice, but did he really want to give RANMA control over where he could or couldn't go? Then again, at least Saotome would be less random than his own sense of direction.

Ranma suddenly felt quite evil as he realized that Ryoga was technically neutral to him. He'd have to be... converted.

"Ryoga, buddy, I'm gonna do you a huge favor. See, the best way to prove that you're an ally is to talk with a few girls that I know..." Ranma began, grinning like the cat that ate the canary, shat on the carpet, stole a priceless diamond and managed to blame it on the horse.

* * *

Soun was a bit anxious, not that he liked to admit it. He and Genma had packed on quite a few pounds since arriving in Harmonia. Despite the good food, friendly people and the great luxury that he was enjoying, he was eager to get back to Japan and drop some of his recently gained weight.

Then, a friendly wizard named Greylle had taken it upon himself to try and help Soun out of a few of those legitimately gained pounds.

However, as he and Greylle approached the wizard's research and experiment room, he was beginning to have second thoughts about the whole deal, especially when Greylle mentioned he had several processes in mind and wanted to test them all.

As he and Greylle entered the wizard's chosen destination, he noticed a few things that seemed quite out of place. Namely three torture racks, one with water and the other two with hot coals, an electric chair, a hen house, and three women. The water torture rack and one of the hot coal racks were mounted to the wall, while the last one was mounted on the floor.

The first woman had short platinum hair. Her eyes were closed, in a kind of creepy way, but her chest was ample enough that he could tell she had "fine attributes" despite the fact that she was wearing a blue robe.

The next girl had fairly short black hair, but a long bang on the left side of her face in an almost Lain-ish pattern (he really had to stop watching anime whenever Kasumi turned it on). She was the tallest of the trio, but there was something distinctly WRONG about her aura. She wore a black robe.

The last girl had short black hair as well, with a long bang on each side of her face. A black cat sat perched on her shoulder. Her eyes were almost glazed over, but he could tell that it wasn't from a lack of focus, but rather a lack of interest. She was the shortest and wore a red robe.

"You finally found a test subject." the third girl spote up, "Now we can begin."

Soun panicked when the girl picked up a wicked-looking knife, then sighed inwardly as she sheathed it. The first woman spoke up, a wicked smile on her face, "Looks like you get to remain a man, Greylle."

With that, the woman burst into manical laughter.

"Not funny, Kitsune." Greylle answered. He muttered something about 'Tortiilu' or something to that effect.(13)

"Besides, that's not even as funny as what I threatened to do to him." the second woman spoke up.

"True, Haruka, but where WOULD you get an elephant at this time of day?" the third woman answered.

"Where else, Kanako? The usual place." Kitsune concluded, nodding as if it were common knowledge.

Soun had tried to creep out before the group had noticed, but apparently, Greylle or one of the girls had placed a spell on the door to make it immune to all his efforts to open it and/or break it down. He knew Genma was probably having a grand time still. His friend never seemed to worry.

Meanwhile, actively proving Soun Tendo's assumptions wrong, Genma Saotome was a desperate, if now painfully overweight, man. His wife had been returned to the age he'd married her at and was refusing to acknowledge him as her rightful husband.

That was a problem, as Genma's family was the lesser family. If he and Nodoka were divorced, she would retain the Saotome name, meaning she would have the final say in any engagement made by Genma.

And considering that Soun had put up with him, his son and their insatiable appetites for a good year and a half, Genma NEEDED to honor that promise, otherwise Soun would come after him with a bill for the food, rent and other amennities that Genma had enjoyed. Genma had almost no money in his personal bank accounts, neither Ranma or Nodoka would loan him any, and Soun knew most of Genma's tricks, meaning the fat martial artist had a very low chance of getting away.

So, the plan was to woo Nodoka again, get re-married or at least get her to acknowledge him again, and then force Ranma and Akane to marry.

It was all so simple!

The only problem was that he hadn't actually "woo'ed" Nodoka the first time. The marriage had been arranged, just like Ranma's engagement to the Tendo sisters. And he doubted that his own parents were willing to put up with the effort of re-arranging that arranged marriage. Especially since Nodoka's parents were dead, which meant they'd have to have some sort of court-ordered seance, after explaining in detail, all of the mitigating circumstances.

Atsuko Toshiba was the only girl who'd actually liked him when he was younger, but the instant they both found out about the arranged marriage, she'd blown up in his face, seething like a man who'd just killed several "friends" who'd tried to murder him instead. Genma had only ever seen that look in one cartoon since then (The Venture Bros. on Cartoon Network).

He COULD have used whatever manner he'd used to woo Atsuko to try and get Nodoka back. The thing was, he wasn't sure what had drawn her to him in the first place. The scroll he had once given Ranma to read on dating advice was actually a present from Nodoka's grandfather to him in an effort to smooth over the marital differences.

In the back of his mind, a part of Genma was beginning to see why his schemes to get Ranma and Akane together never worked.

And unfortunately, he knew that Soun's marriage had been arranged as well, only his wife had been happier with the whole shebang.

Just as he began to wonder WHO he could talk to, Nodoka came walking by.

It was probably an accident, maybe his brain short-circuited, maybe he tried to relate it to a similar situation, maybe it was because of the lunar positioning or perhaps it was due to El Nino.

But saying, "I've got a hundred thousand yen in my pocket that says you'd like a ride on my family sausage" was probably NOT the wisest choice for lines to get back into Nodoka's good graces.

Especially since she kicked him in the balls repeatedly as an instantaneous response.

That sealed it. He needed Tendo's advice. His friend had at least ENJOYED his married life.

* * *

Ranma bowed to Tatewaki Kunou as the samurai-turned-negiotiator entered the room. Having dealt with various diplomats, Ranma had begrudgingly gained a respect for the power of speech that Nabiki could wield. And once he'd found out how drastically different things could turn out when even talking to people that one didn't like, managing to solve his problems with Tatewaki was like basic math.

Tatewaki grew up in a powerful family, where he was treated with high honors from those beneath him. Though Ranma was originally loathe to admit it, the Kunou family remained a powerful family with great influence. Thus, treating Kun-er, Tatewaki with the respect reserved for someone at his social station went a long way towards easing their differences.

"Kunou-sempai, it is an honor to speak with you again." Ranma began, motioning Tatewaki to a seat. Though he'd originally hoped to have a traditional Japanese room set up in the castle, Ranma had been forced to scrap that plan due to lack of time. So, he'd instead opted to go with the formal meeting room, a lavish hall that could hold a several tables and dozens of chairs quite easily.

The hall had the Kunou family banner on the side that Tatewaki had entered from and the Saotome family banner on Ranma's side. The table Ranma was sitting at was a moderate-sized solid oak table with a fine red silk tablecloth and three golden candleholders, with lit red candles in each.

Tatewaki sat down and gazed at the boy, nay, the man across from him with more than a bit of curiousity. Tatewaki began, "Though I am struck with awe that you have given me a worthy greeting, I must inquire as to your true identity. You have the face of Ranma Saotome, yet, Ranma has never greeted me in such a formal fashion, save for when he desires something from me. And I doubt, for one who is quite favored by virtually every other country, that you would see anything I possess as something you desire."

Ranma considered what Tatewaki had said. He could try and prove his true identity to Tatewaki, but that would show disrespect and Ranma was trying to maintain his formality. Then, a plan formed in his head. If it worked... Ranma looked as though something had dawned on him.

"Beg my pardon, but that's impossible, Kunou-sempai. I have never spoken to you in a disrespectful fashion unless... unless this is not my true homeworld!" Ranma exclaimed, standing and looking quite pained, "Everyone else seemed very much the same, but if you, Kunou- sempai, are convinced that I am not the Ranma Saotome you knew, I must find the one you knew and return him immediately-"

"That's not really necessary!" Tatewaki blurted out, before calming down, "I'm sure he has taken your place and will come to respect me as you do."

Bingo. Ranma managed to hide his grin.

* * *

(1) - Akane still believes that she is God Queen Empress of Martial Arts, able to stomp anyone who gets in her way just because she has a hissy fit, and smarter than everyone combined. She's also fanatical in her stupidity.  
(2) - I.e. Completely inept at combat. (3) - I.e. The non-humans and the undead.  
(4) - The dark elves, wizards, warlocks, dark angels and the fairies.  
(5) - The mistresses, elves, dark elves and fairies.  
(6) - See, she'd used them to wipe her face off...  
(7) - Most "roaming reporters" in the castle nowadays were perverts who had been caught trying to get pictures of the Mistresses or Fairies naked so many times, they knew to simply give up when caught. The ones Akane ran into were perverts who had been caught several times already and had their cameras confiscated.  
(8) - That's not the real subtitle, but rather Akane's alteration.  
(9) - Line edited out: "Not all of us!" one mistress answered, then looked sad and depressed. The other mistresses patted her on the back to try and keep her spirits up until tomorrow, when she'd finally get her turn.  
(10) - Operational wise, not... you know. He doesn't need to.  
(11) - Yagyu refers to the Yagyu Juubei, a master swordsman from Japan's history, featured most promeniently in the anime Juubei-Chan. Juubei was said to have no living relatives, but families also tend to ignore or remove the names of any exiled members.  
(12) - This is from the anime Betterman.  
(13) - The name is actually "Toltiir", a chaotic god used by Metroanime. Greylle is also from Metroanime's works. Don't ask how you get a hold of Metro, he's declared himself out of the fanfic biz.

Chapter 15: Beginning Of The End

* * *

Omake Feature: _Ranma Is Evil_

* * *

In the living room, the entire Tendo family and the two remaining members of the Saotome family heard the call. Everyone's eyes snapped wide open as they tried to figure out who's voice it was and their eyes widened further as they realized who said voice belonged to.

"It couldn't be..." Soun began.

"It is! Ranma!" Kasumi declared, standing up just as Ranma entered their view.

Then, just as the two families were about to do a combined group hug, the moment was spoiled by Ranma extending a hand towards Genma, who began to choke and grab at his throat as he levitated upwards.

Seconds later, Genma's corpse dropped to the ground.

"Who else wants some?" Ranma asked, sneering at the Tendos.

A soft thump of something small and brown hitting the floor near Genma's corpse revealed Happosai's location. The wizaned master knew when he was in deep shit and tried to dodge, but Ranma's newly acquired Force Powers were not fooled by his quick motions.

Five seconds later, Happosai was dead on the ground as well.

"Uh, Ranma? You feeling okay?" Akane asked, before noticing the rest of the survivors had already backed away and bowed, rather than face Ranma's mysterious Lucas Arts-esque powers.

Ranma's eyes met Akane's. For a split second, Akane had hope that she still had an effect on Ranma. Then, in the next, she realized what sort of effect she would have.

Akane didn't levitate or start choking, but Ranma's force powers had her reliving all the times she beat on Ranma, from Ranma's view point, in rapid succession and with vivid detail to the pain.

She crumpled to the ground.

Then, Ranma tugged on a leash and Ukyou entered the room. She was wearing a stylized golden bikini that barely covered anything and a loincloth.

"Hi, guys!" Ukyou said, cheerfully.

"Ukyou?! Why are you so happy?!" Akane demanded through the painful memory of her pounding on Ranma's skull with her mallet. The chef had pulled nasty tricks and hit Ranma as well.

"Easy! Ranma forgave me after I-" Ukyou began.

Just then, a low-flying plane's lengthy roar drowned out two minutes of Ukyou's speech.

"-thought they would throw us out, but they didn't and that salad was the most delicious I've ever had. I can't wait for another one." Ukyou finished.

"I'm not wasting my time-" Ranma started to say.

"The latest issue of Sea Man is in! YAY!" came the sudden cry of a child.

"-clean like the rest of the mistresses." Ranma concluded.

"So, are you going to make them all your bitches?" Ukyou inquired.

"Duh. I'm EVIL, after all." Ranma explained.

"Hi everyone!" Orion, uber-dragon half-vampire ninja cyborg from outer space cursed by a powerful artifact named after an item in a Sonic game from A-kun's very first fanfic, said as he walked in.

Five nanoseconds later, he was dead from a gunshot wound shaped like Akane, because Ranma had loaded Akane into a magical gun and shot her through him.

"I'm not THAT evil." Ranma noted to the Author.

"Eeewww!" Akane said, now covered in over-powered self-indulgent avatar guts.

* * *

Omake Feature: _Unlikely Keeper Duels!_

* * *

**Excel Excel** versus **Naga the White Serpent**

Forces:  
_**Excel**__ - Hyatt, Ilpalazzo, Chibi-Excels_  
_**Naga**__ - Lina, Galda (from Slayers Dragon Slave, hired), Chibi- Nagas_

**FIGHT!**

The Chibi-Excels and Chibi-Nagas weren't doing much damage to each other. They seemed to be just slap-fighting.

Naga, however, aimed to win, "Freeze Arrow!"

Excel was frozen in place the instant Naga's magical arrow struck her. Naga reeled back to let out her customary laugh when Excel burst out of the ice with the force of her will and leapt at the scantily clad sorceress with a battlecry of, "EXCEL PUNCH!"

Lina unleashed a Dragon Slave at Ilpalazzo, but his bishounen aura of smooth deflected a majority of the blast and absorbed the rest. Well, his aura of smooth and his personal crystalline deflector array. Lina went in for close combat and found herself an even match for the silver-haired overlord. Ilpalazzo arched an eyebrow in intrigue. Few could match him for speed, let alone match his skills.

Galda drew his sword and charged the pale dark-haired woman, but just as he was within striking distance, Hyatt vomited blood onto him and keeled over.

"WHAT THE-! Are you okay?" Galda asked, shocked at the sudden defeat of his opponent.

And so, the squabble went well on into the night... or at least it would have, if Excel and Naga hadn't become fast friends ten minutes later, revived Hyatt and decided to menace all of the Tokyo and Atlas city's buffets instead.

Galda went home.

And Lina and Ilpalazzo had wild sex in Ilpalazzo's chair.

**THE END!**

* * *

Omake Feature:  
People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart  
Or  
_A Dungeon Heart Is Forever (AT LEAST UNTIL YOU KILL THEM!)_

* * *

Horny was getting pretty sick and tired of the author creating an insanely impossible circumstance to have totally unlikely characters wind up as Dungeon Keepers.

Case in point, a four foot ten girl with short blue hair, wearing a blue and white seifuku, was now the keeper, after slipping on a banana peel, falling down an empty elevator shaft, landing on some thick mats, which sprang her into a Secret Door, causing her to hit the two breast-shaped triggers, which spun her into the antechamber for the Dungeon Heart, where she saw Horny sleeping, screamed and ran into the Dungeon Heart room where she climbed up almost all of the steps, then tripped on the last one and landed on the platform.

So, Ami Mizuno, aka. Sailor Mercury, was now the Dungeon Keeper.

"Why was I wearing my Sailor Outfit?" Ami asked.

"SHHH!" A-kun answered.

"DAMN IT ALL!" Horny roared.

Ami Mizuno (Sailor Mercury) - Sailor Moon

Pros: The Senshi have an impregnable lair to train in, tons of allies, and Ami has an assload of powers that can help out the entire team. Setsuna decides she and the other senshi are no longer needed, helps Rei, Minako, Makoto, Hotaru and herself get laid.

Cons: Chibi-Amis prove to be far too cute and cause Usagi and Chibi-Usa to simultaneously lose their teeth. Luckily, Ami can restore their teeth, but they lose them again and again whenever they see the far too adorable Chibi-Amis who perform super adorable dances when claiming land. (See ending for Happy Lesson and Mahoromatic for examples)

Final Decision: MUY PEEF!

(translation: MY TEETH!)

* * *


	15. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 15

_**"People try to explain life and often fail. I think that it's incorrect to try and apply a meaning to life itself, but rather, we should apply a meaning to the events that occur in life and history. One good example that I heard involved dynamite.  
Some things are like dynamite, situations, good or bad, just waiting to explode; others are like the fuse, a means to making the situation ignite; some are like flames, waiting to light the fuse.  
It makes sense in various forms of context.  
Some people are like flames, sparking the situation that will cause the situation, like a bully who picks on a kid for no apparent reason or a friend of a scientist who makes a seemingly innocent comment. People can be like fuses when they help a situation to it's fruition, like others kids who tease the aforementioned kid or an instructor who gives a detailed explanation as to how something works. And people can be like dynamite when their fury explodes or when they discover something that could improve the world.  
And like dynamite, situations can be stopped if someone intervenes soon enough, like a friend who helps stop the bully or a murderer who kills the scientist." - Dungeon Keeper Ranma Saotome**_

* * *

**Dungeon Keeper Ranma  
Chapter 15: Dark Clouds Are Trendy  
By A-kun**

* * *

_Since my original plan with having the Dungeon Keeper Ukyou show up did kind of spiral out of control (and I have to admit that two Hornys would be VERY confusing), I've decided to make a change. Shouldn't affect most of what's already planned._

Unfortunately for those who liked feedback to their reviews, I'm suspending that to finish this damn story.

* * *

She was a cocaine addict. That was all she could remember. The white powder had blurred the rest. Too much all at once. There'd been someone warning her about that, but as the words replayed in her mind, it was evident whoever had told her that wasn't seriously concerned about her state of health so long as she could pay.

Her entire body kept twitching, like an animal amidst its death- throes. Her eyes couldn't even stay focused.

Then, all at once, the artificial warmth and safety the white powder had given her faded, leaving her cold, afraid and with an ever- increasing feeling that she was truly worthless. The white powder... she didn't want it, but she needed it. Tears ran down her face, but she couldn't tell if it was because she was sad or because of some automatic response.

There was a knife. Her eyes flickered to it, then to her quaking body, then back to the knife. This was no way to live, trapped by a body that wanted something that was destroying it, doing horrible things to herself and others simply for a buzz that was gone in a hundredth of the time that she spent building up the money for the next rush.

Before she really realized it, the knife was in her hands and pointed at her heart. Might as well, there was no point in continuing this worthless existance, destroying her body and brain more and more, and dragging any friends or family she might have down into the same pit of misery and despair she felt.

The blade sank into flesh, spraying blood all over her face and chest, but neither the flesh nor the blood was hers. Her eyes didn't respond immediately, but eventually locked onto the owner of the hand, a brown-haired young man whose deep blue eyes actually caused her body to stop shaking.

He clenched his hand and yanked it and the knife away from her. He pulled the knife out of his hand, wincing as he did so, then laid a hand over the open wound. In a brilliant spark of light, his hand was healed.

"You've damaged your body and mind with your addiction, you've hurt yourself and everyone who cares about you with this worthless and endless endeavor. You want to kill yourself, because you think it will at least end the amount of pain and suffering you've caused. But there's another way. Come with me, and you will find the strength to pull yourself out of this nightmarish travesty you once called your life." he told her.

As he extended his hand to her, she could feel the power and conviction in his voice. He was strong, strong enough that he would try to pull her from this gutter. She grabbed his hand with both hands as if it were a life preserver, and he pulled her up so that she was standing.

In a flash of light, they were gone.

* * *

The steady tapping echoed throughout the room. Considering how large the room was and how small the noise was, it said a lot about how quiet the room was.

Slowly, the tempo increased. A few seconds later, it increased again, then again. Finally, it stopped.

The door opened immediately afterwards, and a knight entered. He approached the center of the room and knelt, "Milady, we have discovered where your target has gone."

"And?" came an impatient female voice.

"It would seem that your target suffered a fate similar to you, being sent to an alternate world." the knight explained.

"I see." was the reply.

Nanami Jinnai folded her fingers in front of her, ignoring the dagger she'd embedded into the right armrest of her stone throne, and thought.

She turned her thoughts to more pressing matters, namely whether she should visit her rivals or not. It was a courtesy she'd extended to Nemesis and to King Reginald, but the keepers here weren't the same as the crusty old farts she'd conquered in her world. But this Keeper Ranma seemed like the rarest sort: a genuinely good keeper. She wanted to learn how he'd done it, but she didn't know how he would react.

The decision was difficult to make without knowing all of the facts.

"You may go." Nanami told him, before calling, "Taki."

Without turning, Nanami knew her best scout was behind her. The knight looked faintly unnerved, but left nevertheless.

"I want you to investigate this Keeper Ranma's Harmonia. Tell me all you can." Nanami responded.

"understood." was the only word Taki uttered before vanishing.

* * *

Nabiki was hiding in a closet. Some might have snickered at the implications, but Nabiki didn't care. It was the only place she could be away from Cerl.

It seemed that Cerl had become increasingly more persistant about showing the full extent of her attraction to Nabiki, and had decided that the best way to show this attraction was the lay naked on Nabiki's bed with only strategically placed fruit preventing anyone from seeing her 'goodies'.

Of course, Nabiki had been dead-tired when she entered her room and wasn't really paying attention when she collapsed onto her bed.

What happened next would forever remain in Nabiki and Cerl's minds, though each would have a different version of the event. Suffice to say, Nabiki had taken to avoiding Cerl at all costs, and was actively wrestling with her own once-decided sexuality.

There are those who would rather have the embrace of another person, regardless of their gender, than deal with loneliness. Nabiki had never really considered herself a 'lesbian' or even 'bi-curious', but there was no denying physical responses. There was only argument over what those physical responses meant.

Hentai anime, the type she had borrowed and watched in secret, would argue that any sign of arousal meant attraction, but Nabiki had read enough psychology books to know that that wasn't true at all. The body often responded to stimuli automatically, regardless of the wishes of the brain.

Did the fact that she'd enjoyed some of it mean she should consider being bisexual or even a lesbian?

These were the matters Nabiki was wrestling with as she remained in the closet.

* * *

Ranma stared at the headline in complete befuddlement. He could understand that the events being reported were alarming, but he wasn't sure how it could possibly be happening.

Over thirty-five million poor, crippled or homeless people had vanished in the last two weeks. And quite a few hangouts for goths had suddenly closed as well. In fact, MOST of the hangouts for goths had closed with no sign of their patrons anywhere. Police departments around the United States were swamped with missing persons reports, but there weren't any visible clues as to where the people might have gone.

Of course, more alarming was the fact that this hadn't been figured out until just a few days ago. Apparently, the total number of the people missing wasn't apparent until law enforcement started investigating a common thread in the income of many of the people who were missing.

Ranma was certain that a keeper was behind it, but what was truly befuddling was that he couldn't sense where the keeper was. If he (or she) was making undead, they should have attacked already.

Actually, the differing patterns seemed to indicate that there were at least two different groups of people involved in the disappearances, which made it evident that there were two or more different keepers.

The only things Ranma had sensed, though, were Dungeon Hearts collapsing. Of the twenty Keepers who'd arrived on his homeworld, only a mere seven remained. And what worried Ranma was that the fact that he was only responsible for the destruction of four of those Dungeon Hearts. Which meant that nine other Keepers had fallen at someone else's hand.

It infuriated Ranma that the Gate Gem's protective barrier was actually more limited than the twenty Portal Gems that it was made up of and that didn't really make much sense. Theoretically, since each of the Portal Gems had only 1/20th of the power that the Gate Gem did, the Gate Gem's barrier should be twenty times more powerful, and worse, even if he broke it back up into the Portal Gems, they still wouldn't cover enough land to protect his entire world.

Hunting Keepers on Harmonia was easy, because there were only so many places they could hide, but hunting them across an entire world was going to be a royal pain in the ass.

At least he was able to solve the problems he'd had before.

* * *

Ryouga's eyes opened slowly. There was a strange pain in the back of his head, and it felt like something was running from his nose. Then he started to feel something nice tingling in that particular region that made every male look down.

The pressure from the blood rocketing out of his nose caused Ryouga's head to rocket back, striking the metal wheel he was laying on, denting it and knocking him out.

Kimberly sighed. How was she supposed to enjoy teasing the poor boy if he fainted everytime she began to massage him erotically? He also fainted when he caught sight of her in the standard mistress outfit. He fainted a lot, actually.

At least even if Ryouga's brain wasn't working, something else was. Kimberly decided that Ryouga didn't need to be awake after all.

Meanwhile, Kodachi was learning the subtle differences between using a whip and using a ribbon. A whip was shorter, heavier and didn't float as much as a ribbon, but it also got a much more pleasant cry out of her victim when used properly.

Akane didn't appreciate being the victim, but seeing as the mistresses had no intention of letting her go until they'd all gotten a turn, her opinion really didn't matter all that much.

Kodachi, on the other hand, was quivering with delight that she was able to satisfy her curiosities. There were more... curiosities that wanted to satisfy, like teaching that redheaded trollop a lesson, but Akane... Akane would do for the moment...

* * *

Larry was a greasy forty year-old, balding white man and he was worried. He hadn't seen ANY of his customers in a VERY long time. He didn't mind when one or two of the crackheads up and died, since there were more where they came from. The problem was, with that stupid Keeper Ranma around to take down the really big criminal organizations, the normal police had enough time to hunt down drug dealers, like himself, thieves and slumlords.

That meant his normal smalltime cargo, which had once been overlooked by police seeking the bigger fish who produced it, was becoming hotter the longer he had it.

His last customer, Melonie, was the most important person in Larry's life. Not because he liked her, but because she was willing to snort up his supply. He didn't like having to sell the stuff for half price, as it made him feel like he was working in his parents' grocery store when it was having a "Buy One Get One Free" sale, but he had to in order to get rid of it. His suppliers wanted him to increase sales, but he couldn't sell if there were no buyers.

Which was bad news for him, since his suppliers were beginning to feel a major drop in sales, what with all those poor and homeless people, their secondary targets, up and vanishing. He HAD to find Melonie to get rid of what he had, so he could look his boss in the eye and say that he'd sold his stash.

That was why Larry had barged into Melonie's room. He was looking for her, hoping against hope that she was still alive so he could pawn off the rest of his product.

"Larry."

Larry spun, startled, to see Melonie standing in the doorway.

"Melonie, baby, you scared me!" Larry said, sighing with relief, "Listen, if you still want to buy, my boss says I can hock it at half price again."

Melonie smiled, but it wasn't a pleasant smile. It was about then that Larry began to notice that Melonie wasn't doing her usual coke-jitters, nor did she have her stained white t-shirt and soiled grey sweatpants on. Instead, she was wearing a rather nice long- sleeved white dress with a low neckline with a green mantle. Her long blonde hair wasn't limp and matted from sweat; but wavy and bouncy, as if she had recently had a perm; and she didn't stink of sweat, shit and urine, but rather, of sweet lavender perfume. Her green eyes were solidly focused on him, not even flickering around like a confused fly like they usually did.

Larry was beginning to think Melonie was exceptionally hot, especially for a cokehead. If she didn't have the money, he was seriously considering trading the rest of her debt for sex.

Consider hell, he'd decided on that matter. Those sweet melons of hers were definitely more attractive than they had been when he'd seen her last.

"You know, at one point in my life, I would have been excited at that possibility, I might have even yelled 'whoopie' or something. But, I'm afraid that those days are over." Melonie told him, taking a step forward.

As she stepped forward, Larry instinctively took a step back. Something was seriously wrong. Even for the best rehab program, Melonie had snorted up enough cocaine to make an elephant fall on it's ass. There was no way she could have gone clean so fast.

But she was moving without shaking or even twitching. Her eyes never wavered and her stance wasn't that of a plea-bargaining addict, but rather that of a woman with a purpose.

"Larry, it didn't take long to figure out that you were the one who got me addicted. I was having a moment of weakness, a desperate moment. You know, you could have been the one to help me get back on my feet, but instead, you just saw some dumb rich broad who was all weepy, and you knew you had a customer." Melonie said, taking more steps forward, which prompted Larry to continue to retreat at the same pace.

Larry got angry, "You took 'em! I never taught you how to snort!"

"Who is to blame when someone is tricked out of their money, their health and their independence? The person who was tricked? Or the person who did the tricking?" Melonie asked, her face now had a malevolent look as she drew a knife from behind her back. It wasn't a kitchen knife, but rather a long dagger.

Larry patted himself instinctively for his gun, then cursed himself. He'd left it in the car, because this building had a metal detector installed a few months ago by the manager, who was trying to keep guns out of the apartments.

"Melonie, please, I'm begging 'ya, just lemme go! I promise I won't sell any more dope, please!" Larry pleaded.

"Another lie, just like all the others you've given people. 'This will make you feel better', 'You won't have any problems if you just take this', 'I'm doing this as a favor'." Melonie snarled, as Larry's back hit the wall.

Larry cringed, knowing the blade was certain to plunge into him at any moment. When that moment passed, and he was puncture free, he waited another, then another. Finally, he got the courage up to look up. Melonie was walking away. She stopped at the door and glared at him, "Now you know how it feels to be a pathetic loser, Larry."

"You ain't gonna kill me?" Larry asked, feeling a bit relieved.

"No, you aren't worth it. Not to me." Melonie said before she exited.

Larry wiped his forehead. Then paused as he noticed there were other people now in the doorway. Ex-crackheads, heroin addicts, and many other multi-drug users who he'd "helped" along the way were now entering the room, each of them now apparently as clean as Melonie, and all of whom had murder in their eyes.

Larry knew that, unlike Melonie, none of these individuals had any qualms about following through with their non-verbal threats upon his life...

* * *

"I don't get it, Maidel... am I trying too hard?" Cerl asked the mistress.

"MMmm, I can't really say. People react differently. Some like being pursued, but hate being caught. Others hate being pursued and love being caught." Maidel answered, sipping her beer.

Cerl frowned. She was hoping that for someone as open with their feelings as the mistresses, they'd help provide invaluable advice for Cerl. After all, she had no real guideline for any relationships, outside of what the Mistresses did to get lovers. And trying to follow those guidelines had Nabiki hiding from her.

All of her life, she'd been cautious around people because of her hideous true form, but now she no longer had to worry about that. She was now and forever beautiful.

Sadly, her guarded heart, while quite useful on the battlefield, left her very deficient in social skills. She knew how to buddy up to a fellow warrior, but that was to ease her loneliness.

This was to find a permanent companion to live her life with, a person to share intimate thoughts with, and a person to greet in bed every night.

Outside of the healer Melissa and mistress Maidel (who'd converted Cerl in the first place), Nabiki had been the only person Cerl had felt comfortable being around. With everyone else, she'd kept her guard up. Even Ranma, whom most Harmonia saw as a member of their own families, was kept distant in Cerl's heart.

She wanted Nabiki to be the one, but did she want that too much? Was she trying too hard, and alienating Nabiki, instead of bringing her closer?

"Only solution would be to honestly talk with her. S'far as you've told me, you've been mostly jumping towards the 'Committed Relationship' wagon when you should be walking towards it." Maidel explained, "Relationships all go at different paces."

With that advice in mind, Cerl stood up. It was time to talk to Nabiki honestly.

* * *

The people in Sing Song had been lucky that after Lord Darius had fallen, Ranma had stepped in to make their lives better. The once mud roads were now smooth cobblestone, the well had a number of modern pumps around it, the chimneys had flues to keep the wind out, and the houses actually had windows now, instead of gaping holes that let anything in. The doors fit the frames they were in, so they conserved heat better in the winter and the cool better during the summer.

When they saw two women appear; the first woman had pale skin and was wearing black robe with grey trim and a etherial cloak carrying a strange staff; the second woman with short auburn hair wearing a set of thigh-high boots whose straps connected to her black cape, a g-string bottom and shoulder-length black gloves; they thought someone might be attacking. But Lundar, Ranma's trusted aide, appeared next to them, so they all called out pleasant grettings and waved. Obviously, Lundar was giving guests a tour of the island.

"I think, Keeper, that this is definitely not the same Harmonia we knew." "Lundar" answered.

Keeper Nanami Jinnai nodded, "Of course not."

Nanami stroked the long scar on her right cheek. It always gave her a strange burning-itchy feeling whenever she had a negative disposition, but it tickled when her mood was positive. It'd been like that since that battle with Benjamin and Pureheart, when Benjamin had torn into a body Nanami had possessed, but three of the cuts had somehow transferred to Nanami's real body.

Nanami was just glad the Dungeon Heart healed her, especially since she was fond of keeping her intestines inside her body.

Now, all she had to do was find out how different this Keeper Ranma was.

* * *

In Chapter 16: **Keeper Nanami Comes A'Knocking**  
Cerl and Nabiki talk! EXCITING EMOTIONAL DIALOGUE! w00t!  
Akane and Tatewaki meet again!  
More on the other keepers!  
And the Separatist Dark God Trio select their champion!

* * *

Omake Feature:

* * *

"BEEE ALL THAT YOU CAN BEEEE, IN DUNGEON KEEPER RANMA'S ARMY!"  
_- Sung to the old Army recruitment tune_

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
or  
_The Lost Abenobashi Magical Shopping Arcade Episode_

* * *

BZARK

"This is the weirdest place yet, Sasshi." Arumi commented as they looked around.

"I wonder how this place could possibly be the Abenobashi Shopping Arcade." Sasshi joined in.

"Ah, hell!" Horny rumbled, staring at the two dimensionally displaced humans, "This is getting ridiculous!"

"Hey, look, it's Kouhei-san." Arumi said.

Horny reeled in horror. How did these two brats know his True Name?!

"And, look, it's Masa-Ji." Sasshi commented, pointing at Lundar.

"I'll bet Eutus is King Reginald and Ochi-san is-" Arumi began.

"I AM JUST A MISTRESS!" Ochi-san cried, tears rolling down her cheek as she ran away in her tight black leather outfit.

"..." came the response from the two pre-teens.

Later, after a lengthy campaign, Kouhei "Horny" Horniculus broke the two stone guardians, revealing them to be mini-ogres.

"You beat us, puyi! So, now, we'll send you home, puyi!" the first said, drawing the magical circle.

As the two recited the chant to teleport, the second ogre spoke up, "Uh-oh, I think we forgot the sacrifice again."

Sasshi and Arumi uttered one word as they heard that, "SHIT!"

Thus, why this became the 'lost episode'. Fcking FCC.

- Note: Kouhei-san is a common character, generally the first one Sasshi and Arumi meet, thus why Horny became 'Kouhei-san'. My given name for him is 'Horniculus', while Bullfrog's given name for him was 'Horny'. Neither I nor Bullfrog are going to change his 'real' name. Also, Lundar was never named by Bullfrog and I'm not going to start calling him 'Masa-ji Lundar' or anything.

Sorry if I insulted your intelligence, but I need to keep others from asking.

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
or  
_OMFG! LOL! ROFLMAO! XX_

* * *

Horny was sick and tired of the stupid omakes that were completely absurd when it came to bringing random anime characters to become the new Dungeon Keeper.

"But, Syliaaaaaaah!" Priss Asagiri whined for the first time since Sylia Stingray had known her, "I don't wannaaaaaaa!

"You fell onto this Dungeon Heart, Priss. You're going to have to deal with it." Sylia answered.

"Besides," Linna Yamazaki spoke up, "think of it this way: We can actually make a dent against Genom. And Horny's already proven himself immune to our entire arsenal, plus the arsenal of the 55-C Boomers, and several military-grade Boomers."

"Yeah, besides... Horny's dreamy..." Nene added, her eyes were unfocused as a heavy blush covered her face.

The Knight Sabers stopped and stared at their computer specialist.

"Now I know why she's never had a boyfriend." Sylia muttered under her breath.

* * *

Got something to add to this feature? Want to write a mini- story of how horrible these ideas might be? 


	16. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 16

The three gods looked down at their chosen champion. True, he was mentally unstable, but he had a certain genius, and the right amount of malicious intent. Now, with their aid, he had the one thing that would tip everything in his favor.

First, though, he needed to ensure certain people didn't get directly involved in the upcoming conflict...

* * *

**Dungeon Keeper Ranma**

**Chapter 16: Keeper Nanami Comes A'Knocking **

**By A-kun**

* * *

// indicates telepathy.

* * *

Soun shuddered as he finally left the room, Genma's screams of agony only reaching the doorway and going no further. Greylle was poignantly ignoring the screams as well as he closed the door. Soun was thankful that losing his gained weight hadn't taken as long as he'd feared, but he was more thankful that Genma had shown up near the end of his 'rehabilitation', as the girls were considering stuffing Soun so they could try another process.

Soun truly felt sorry for his friend, but nothing short of his daughters could get him to go back into that infernal room.

After all, even his friendship with Genma had it's limits.

* * *

The world news was something that had never really interested Nabiki, but the whole kidnapping issue in the U.S. had forced her out of hiding. After all, Ranma needed his P.R. expert at his side to make sure the public's opinion didn't turn on him. She'd finally found a peaceful moment in a study with some rather nice chairs and a toasty warm fireplace.

Ranma, for his part, was actually following Nabiki's advice rather well, and it showed in the fact that very few papers had anything bad to say about him. There were suspicions, but since Ranma was working with law enforcement above and beyond what was expected, so the end result was a positive opinion.

The investigation itself was not turning out well at all. So far, only one percent of the missing people had been found, and they'd been kidnapped by non-keepers. The keeper in Minnesota, Nathaniel, was giving regular reports to the police and had agreed to be monitored, in exchange for a deal with Bandai & Nintendo.

Nabiki set down the paper and reflected on recent events. The best thing she'd discovered about her position was the fact that, thanks to a magical amulet she'd been given, she'd gained the ability to translate verbal and written languages. The amulets were generally kept for diplomats and ambassadors, and seeing that Nabiki technically was a diplomat, she'd been given one.

However, Cerl's attempts to get closer were still plaguing her mind. The most she could do to get her mind off of it was to focus on something like the investigation into the missing people.

"Nabiki."

But it seemed that issue was finally being forced. Nabiki looked up to see Cerl, fully clothed and without the overly lustful look in her eyes.

"I'd like to talk." Cerl spoke up.

Nabiki was divided. Part of her wanted to flee before Cerl lunged at her, part of her wanted to hear what Cerl had to say, and the last part thought the chair was nice and comfy and didn't really wanna leave.

"All right." Nabiki said diplomatically.

Cerl sat down in the chair opposite of Nabiki and rubbed her hands apprehensively, "I know I've been rather... forceful these last few weeks. I wanted to apologize for that."

Nabiki nodded, indicating Cerl could continue.

"I also wanted to talk to about... the possibility of us." Cerl continued, "I... I've been with people before, but that was generally during the war, and generally a one night stand sort of thing. I've never had a relationship that lasted much longer than that and I've never really been open with many people."

"Why?" Nabiki inquired, feeling as though it was the most pressing issue. If she could understand why Cerl wanted them together so badly, she could finally deal with the matter.

"Because... I wasn't really all that pleasant to look at." Cerl responded, pulling out a book and opening it to a bookmarked page. She handed the open book to Nabiki, "That's what my mother looked like."

Nabiki stared at the image. It was like looking at a female centaur, only the lower body was that of a spider instead of a horse. The female half was actually quite beautiful, but it's beauty was marred with the hideous spider half.

"They're called 'Maidens', short for 'Maidens of the Nest'. They were a magical creation made by an evil wizard six hundred years ago, and they're only female. No male children were ever produced. I'm the last of our kind and I don't want any more children that have to go through life looking like that. So, Ranma agreed to let me have access to the alchemy labs to search for a cure. I'd found a cure that worked, but I would have to keep taking it forever, so I sought a more permanent fix, a way to be forever human. We met a few days before I finished the last potion to make my body permanently human." Cerl explained, looking embarrassed.

"But, why do you want to be with me?" Nabiki asked, closing the book.

"I've thought a lot about the feelings I had when I was buddying up with soldiers during the war. I know it was just lust or loneliness, not love, that brought me to them. When you helped me when I needed it, I... I felt something far greater than anything I've felt before. I believe it's love... and so, when I was finally human, I wanted to capture you, to make sure I never missed out on it," Cerl answered, sighing deeply, "and right now, I'm worried that I might have screwed it all up."

Nabiki thought. This was the first time she'd spoken with anyone about anything this important. To be honest, it was the first time she'd ever heard the word 'love' by someone outside of her family.

"To be honest, I haven't even dated since middle school, and I don't have much experience in this either." Nabiki replied, "Right now, I'm just... not sure about how I feel."

Cerl looked crushed, but she managed to keep her visible composure, "I understand."

Nabiki could only watch as Cerl hurried from the room and wonder if there was a right decision or not.

* * *

Ranma was growing to hate distractions. At first, it wasn't so bad. Just an occassional side project, someone asking him to look into something, a quiet little mission.

Now, he was swamped with requests, both big and small. Apparently, kids were now treating Ranma as a full-time Santa Claus, asking him to beat up bullies, give them candy and dollies or the rare serious request to cure a family member's illness.

The biggest problem was that Ranma wanted to answer these requests himself. He wanted to tell the kids wanting candy and toys that he wasn't Santa, he wanted to show off for the kids who were being bullied, and he wanted to be the one to bring joy to a sad child in danger of losing someone they loved.

But things just couldn't work out that way. So, Ranma was finding himself delegating tasks. With major crime organizations now crippled thanks to scrying, he could delegate the bully issues to local cops, send his wizards and clerics to check on the loved ones and had employed over sixteen thousand people in various countries to answer the requests for candy and toys.

Even so, Ranma was finding himself frustrated with Keeper Nanami, who'd decided to make a social visit and from the looks of things, wanted to make it a LONG social visit. If he didn't know better, he'd swear the cloaked figure to Nanami's left had the same level of power as Horny, and seeing how there were some obvious differences, Ranma felt he shouldn't simply kick them out. Plus, there was the fact that Ludran, an almost perfect clone of Lundar, was sitting to Nanami's right. He had the same voice and magical capacity, but whether they were equals in intelligence had yet to be fully seen.

"Keeper Nanami, forgive my rude request, but would you kindly tell me what it is that you want to accomplish here?" Ranma inquired. He would have commented on how busy he was, but as Nabiki had told him, in the rare events that they could actually talk, telling others of your problems put them on the spot and for diplomatic reasons, should be avoided.

"I wanted to talk with you about a possibility of an alliance. I don't need this alliance for long. Truth be known, I'm simply waiting for my gate gem to recharge with solar energy so I can move on in my quest for home." Nanami explained.

For a moment, Ranma was confused, but then again, he had no reason to test the gate gem's capacity for moving Harmonia to another dimension, since he'd gotten it right the first time. He sent a magical message to some of his warlocks so they could look into it.

"Very well. So long as you don't attack anything on this world, I have no qualms with an alliance." Ranma responded.

"Then we have an alliance." Nanami said, standing.

Both Keepers were nervous as they shook hands, but when it ended with no surprise attacked, Nanami, her mystery friend and Ludran opened a portal back to their realm and left. Ranma double-checked the land he'd claimed already and confirmed that they were nowhere to be found.

But he didn't trust her as far as an ant could throw her. Everything smelled like a setup. He alerted the king to declare an increase in security and sent messages to the thieves and rogues to keep an eye out for anyone suspicious.

* * *

Akane didn't know why or how, but the mistresses, Kodachi and Ryoga all left in unison. And she was finally able to get off that damn wheel. Surprisingly, she didn't ache anywhere. Something must have healed her. Eager to be away when the mistresses and Kodachi returned, Akane dressed and fled the room as quickly as possible.

She started to relax once she saw daylight in a nearby window, but a pleasant smell filled her nose and she realized she was VERY hungry. She followed her nose and found a cafeteria of some sort. There were only three people in the hall, two of which were sitting behind a counter, and the third was-

"Akane Tendo?" Tatewaki Kuno inquired, standing up from where he was sitting, which just happened to be the closest end of the nearest table.

"Kuno?" Akane asked rhetorically. She now felt completely abandoned by both her luck and the gods. In just a few seconds, he was going to lunge for her and try to hug her.

"You look famished! Please, sit, and I'll acquire whatever you desire." Tatewaki said, motioning to the other side of the table.

Akane half-started from Tatewaki's actions. He was neither trying to glomp her nor babbling in prose nor was he acting as though he was the end all-be all of existance.

"Are you feeling o-" Akane began, before a wave of vertigo, brought on by hunger, sent her toppling forward.

She became aware of Tatewaki's strong arms as he caught her by the shoulders and held her upright. He directed her to a seat and helped her sit without so much as an attempt to grope her.

Before that really set in, she found herself digging into a rather delicious meal of fried fish, rice and clam miso soup. Without complaint, Tatewaki acted as her waiter, bringing her refills until she was full.

"Thanks." Akane whispered as she wiped her face off.

"It's no trouble at all." Tatewaki responded.

Akane felt like she'd fallen into a Twilight Zone spinoff. No way was Tatewaki that nice. He was always groping her, saying stupid things and being an interfering twit.

Perhaps it was the chemicals still running around in her brain from her hunger, but he seemed more handsome then usual.

* * *

"Come on, baby, you'll like it..."

That lame line in and of itself was used by lots of guys, particularly the ones who tried to get further into the touchy-feely part of the relationship faster than their target wanted.

It was enough to make her ill. She'd heard from various sources that American men tried to use that line and the corresponding tactic more than any other country. This was, of course, a half-truth. American guys did use that line, but whether or not they used it more than guys from other countries was debatable.

Cerl wasn't the victim of said line or tactic. Oh, she'd been bothered by plenty of guys (and girls) since showing up at this U.S. nightclub, since apparently being blonde and alone in a nightclub was an open invitation. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that she'd decided to tag along with Nodoka and the Party Crew (that was what Nodoka called all of the girls who'd attended her party and begged her to do another), she probably wouldn't have even been outside of Harmonia.

It'd been a while since she'd been bothered by anyone, save the bartender, so she'd had plenty of time to watch and listen to the players and the lamers, the hip and the hopeless, the smooth and the brain-achingly awkward.

"Please, I'm REALLY not interested." came a very familiar voice.

Anyone who'd spent time around the movers and shakers of Harmonia knew THAT voice. Cerl turned to see Kasumi Tendo being menaced by some dark-haired guy in a stained and tattered uniform that indicated that he required a lot of protection, but got injured a lot... What had Penny called them? 'Jocks'?... anyway, this jock looked like the sort who thought his worn jersey and washboard abs were enough to get him sex from any female. And he'd chosen Kasumi.

The guy practically oozed self-importance and eventual-wife- beater at the same time. Worse, he'd pinned Kasumi by putting one arm against the wall next to her elbow, holding a 'fragile' cup filled with liquid in the other hand and was leaning towards her to promote any feelings of subservience. If she tried to walk around the open area, he'd "accidentally" spill the drink, allowing him to get his grubby hands all over her while he "cleaned up his mess" and possibly even strong-arm her into a bathroom or his car under the pretense of going to get the outfit cleaned. If she tried to duck under his other arm, he could move his arm to catch her by the breast, allowing him to pull her into an embrace that would look like he was simply holding onto a bashful sweetheart. And there was no way she could push him away or unleash a spell without possibly hitting someone else.

What she needed was someone to intervene. And Cerl had the guts and was inebriated enough to think she was the best choice to put this obnoxious dick in his place. Actually, she was more than a bit tipsy, she realized as she stood up, but she'd drunk more and been able to function fine.

"HEy ashhoooole." Cerl said, walking up to him.

She had a clever story all worked up. And she did accomplish what she set out to do, get rid of the guy. However, puking a half- digested lunch as well as two litres of unprocessed alcohol all over him then faint backwards onto the floor wasn't quite what she'd been expecting to do.

When she woke up, she had a hangover the size of King Reginald's entire stable. And she came to realize exactly WHY she'd been able to drink so much before. She'd had a much bigger body, and she hadn't done any serious "pain-killer" drinking since she'd ensured her human body was her permanent one.

To her surprise, she recognized the ceiling as that of a castle, which was odd, since she really hadn't slept in any castles in a long time... wait, what the hell was she thinking? All castle ceilings looked the same. In any case, her pillow was very comfortable.

"Oh, good, you're awake." Kasumi noted.

"Eh?" Cerl asked, her eyes tearing up as she somehow managed to sit up.

She then realized Kasumi's proximity, which was "very close". In fact, her head had been laying Kasumi's lap. When she realized this, Cerl's face flushed red, "AH!"

Suddenly, the sound of a distant bell came to reside in her head for about two minutes, which caused her to collapse out of sheer agony.

"Oh dear..." Kasumi sighed. Nodoka's hope that Cerl would be all right hadn't panned out.

Ranma appeared behind Kasumi, "What's taking you so long?"

Kasumi looked embarrassed, "Sorry, Ranma, I kind of forgot how to use this teleport wand Greylle gave me."

"Eh. I'll bring you guys back." Ranma said, raising a hand.

In a blink of an eye, energy surrounded Ranma, engulfing him and causing him to disappear.

"Huh. I guess even he can still make mistakes." Kasumi commented.

* * *

There was tension. No one wanted to admit it, but it did exist and it was anywhere that wasn't fully reveling in the many benefits of Harmonia's return. Ranma was both the source and focus of the tension. The media was mixed, many were supporting Ranma as King Reginald did, but others were stating that Ranma was "too good to be true" and that he may take over the world, which was ridiculous because Ranma could barely stand joint control of Harmonia, much less complete command of the world.

The dam of tension had finally broken when the various sections of the United States was suddenly seized by a massive force. The nuclear missile silos were deactivated and disassembled before any could be recovered or even launched. Of the fifty thousand nuclear missiles hidden in the United States, ninety percent were now being dismantled by the enemy, including seventy missiles which were hiding in air bases.

Their leader, Xanus, appeared on every screen in the world, including computer screens, clock radio faceplates and unplugged televisions; making a firm decree of what had happened and that they were already seizing the remaining nuclear missiles.

And that was, for the most part, the truth.(1) Fifty U.S. and Soviet nuclear submarines were found on a California beach, half disassembled with their crews intact, but injured, dazed and confused. Most of the submarines could be reassembled and brought back to sea, but all of them had been stripped of their nuclear munnitions.

Russia, the main portion of the former Soviet Union, even found that their hidden nuclear missile construction facilities had been compromised, all of the uranium and plutonium was missing. Even China and Korea found themselves minus the few nuclear missiles they'd created.

The major powers of the world were suddenly staring at a Dungeon Keeper who now controlled every nuclear missile in the world.

Panic was rampant.

And that was before the shit really hit the fan.

* * *

When maids gossiped, it was a fairly good idea to listen in, especially when one wanted to learn of possible secrets. Lundar had learned this long ago. He'd placed magical marks in areas that maids liked to congregate in and had several self-inking Pen Golems (a creation of his own making) write down any gossip spread. Oftentimes, it was material good only for a chuckle, but there had been a few interesting subjects brought up lately. He'd since increased the number of listening points and Pen Golems, but he was largely limited by the fact that he didn't want others to know of his prying ears.

One point of dispute amongst the maids was Keeper Ranma's future wife. It was a matter Lundar wanted to bring up with Ranma, as the kingdom and even the world wanted stability in the life of the most famous and powerful man in the world, even if it was in such a minor way. However, things had been so busy and Lundar was sure that Ranma wanted the other Keepers finished before they went ahead with that.

Next was the secret that Cerl had kept. Lundar, Ranma and Horny were the only ones to see her prior to capture, Maidel and Melissa had been the only other ones to see afterwards.

And Cerl liked it that way.

The third choice of topic was the fate of Akane Tendo. Ever since the mistresses had brought her down to the torture chamber, no one else, not even Ranma, was willing to go down there. Ranma had said his reason was "that lunatic gymnast", but he HAD gone down there with that Hibiki fellow.

The last one was following Hibiki. Apparently, the lad had become an object of lust in the short time he'd been seen, and it would be surprising to people of other nations (but no one from Harmonia) that the maids were willing to have a Mistress as a... well, mistress. Of course, since he'd been missing for almost as long as Akane Tendo, it was probably going to be a while before the lad could stand.

Lundar turned away from the writing golems and returned to a book he'd stumbled upon concerning Haromina's earliest days. It was the one Reginald had found that led him to believe that Harmonia was originally from Earth, or at least, another dimension.

However, Reginald had only perused the book. Lundar was READING. And he was beginning to find a number of disturbing facts about the Dungeon Hearts.

In the beginning, they had not been vessels of evil and darkness, as they had been viewed by Harmonia's residents prior to Ranma's appearance. In fact, they'd once been a weapon of the Light Gods to ferret out the Dark Gods where they hid.

It was on Mount Olympus, high above even Skybird Trill, which was once the Throne of Atlantis, that the original Dungeon Heart was made and it had a particular power over the other Dungeon Hearts. However, when King Oberon died, the Dungeon Hearts' evolved into their current form and their users were able to move more freely...

Lundar was probably one of the very few who took notice of the fact that it did not say anything about the original heart being destroyed, only that Oberon died.

And that meant...

"RANMA!!!" Lundar yelled, running out of the room faster than a man his age should have been able to.

//LUNDAR!!!// came an angry telepathic roar.

Lundar found himself in the Dungeon Heart's room, only the Dungeon Heart wasn't present...at least not in the sense that it had been before. The Dungeon Heart had appeared as a pulsing membrane in a small pit surrounding by three archways for so long that Lundar didn't recognize it's original form.

The Dungeon Heart's original form was a massive hourglass-shaped jar that was easily wider in diameter than it's membrane had been. Inside the jar was a swirling massive of red and blue energy that now made up Ranma Saotome.

//What the FUCK is this?!// came Ranma's telepathic snarl from inside the jar.

"The original form of the Dungeon Heart." Lundar said in an apologetic voice, "Forgive me, Keeper, but it's been so long that I've really seen it. In fact, I haven't seen it since the first year after Keeper Davan's campaign against the Avatar."

//Say what?// came Ranma's less than pleased thoughts.

Lundar explained what he'd just learned about the origin of the Dungeon Hearts, and even brought the book to read to Ranma, "...the original Dungeon Hearts imprisoned their users to ensure that they would stay committed to their tasks. King Oberon's was different, 'appearing as the membrane of a heart surrounded by three archways'... it's my guess, Ranma, that the two forms indicate whether the user is a master or a slave. King Oberon's Dungeon Heart was never made to directly control another, but it can force your heart back into the form of a slave's, thereby preventing you from devastating your foes as you did during the war."

//What the hell am I supposed to do now?! I had several interviews, President Clinton wanted to see me PERSONALLY, and I wanted to- oh, wait.// Ranma stopped his ranting to move Kasumi and Cerl from America to Harmonia, specifically into a quaint hotel in Sing Song.

"I can act as a messanger, but I'm afraid that you'll simply have to abdicate any duties requiring you to move about physically." Lundar explained.

Ranma fumed, then glanced at a nearby Chibi-Ranma. Maybe with an illusion spell, he wouldn't HAVE to abdicate.

"Ranma?" Lundar inquired.

//I think I have a solution. Lundar, until further notice, i.e. I'm free again, this room is now off limits to EVERYONE, including King Reginald.// Ranma explained//If anyone asks, tell them I'm worried about one of my enemies attacking.//

Lundar nodded. In an instant, he was back in the courtyard of Castle Harmonia.

Ukyou ran up to the advisor, "Lundar, did you hear?! Some high- powered Keepers are at war in America! I'm going to go tell Ranma!"

"Uh-" Lundar began.

"No need, I'm right here." Ranma answered as he appeared next to Lundar.

"Keeper?" Lundar asked in a low tone.

Ranma's telepathic answer//I'm using an illusion spell and possessing an imp.//

Lundar blinked. That would certain solve MOST of the problems, but not all of them, "What should we do about America?"

"First thing to do is find out what the hell is going on. I've already pulled back everyone in America. I've got to-" Ranma began.

Suddenly, he jerked and fell, a hole through his torso. Lundar and Ukyou stared in horror at Ranma's fallen body, when he suddenly stood back up, bullet wound healed, and turned to glare at the helicopter that was rapidly retreating.

"Oh no, you don't." Ranma growled.

A fiery explosion engulfed the helicopter, surprising even Ranma, who hadn't even began to retaliate.

"I think someone wants you dead, Keeper." Lundar murmurred.

"Obviously, since that someone just went to great lengths to make sure I couldn't capture their sniper." Ranma responded.

* * *

(1) - The complete truth was that they'd already dismantled all of the bombs before broadcasting.

Short chapter, I know. I apologize, but this series is rapidly reaching 'closure'. I'd originally planned more with Keeper Nanami, but I'm going to toss her a mess of problems of her own.

In Chapter 17: **Keeper vs. Keeper!**  
Keeper Nathaniel & Keeper Xanus vs the Mystery Keeper!  
Harmonia Invaded!  
And An Enemy No One Quite Expected!

* * *

Omake Feature: _Videos We'd All Pay To See_

* * *

"What if you could take this wagon, this pegasus and this portal and see all sorts of hot young dominatrixes willing to convert the shit right out of you? Well, on the new video, Mistresses Gone Wild, you can! Hosted by Nodoka Saotome, these leather-clad babes are willing to bare it all for the camera!"

"Who Wants To Marry The Invincible Reaper?"

"On the final episode of Jackass, everyone involved in the production of this series dies during an accident involving fifty Bile Demons and a spicy taco buffet, which was intended to be a 'who farts the worst' contest."

"Today, Fear Factor has declared a ban on Trolls and Goblins, forever preventing them from entering further episodes after their fifteenth straight victory. They have, however, begun pitches for a spinoff series exclusively for Goblins and Trolls, called 'Kawaii Factor', where the contestants must compete to see who can handle 'Kawaii' the best. In other news, several US tabloids have ominously stopped all production and closed their doors after showing fake images of Keeper Ranma doing explicit embarrassing things. The CEO of the Star only had this to say, 'No more. Even if they ever find where my kneecap landed, I'm not producing or endorsing this anymore!'. So far, the only publication to have made fun of Keeper Ranma and stayed in production was The Onion, a fact that Hermann T. Zweibel is dang proud of."

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
or  
_Hasn't He Run Out Of Series Yet?_

* * *

Five words: "Kids Next Door, Battle Stations!"

Horny refused to show up on set and was replaced by a robotic version of Kim Possible.

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
or  
_Neon Genesis Dungeon Keeper?_

* * *

Rei Ayanami stared. Asuka Sorhyu Langely stared. Misato Katsuragi stared. Shinji Ikari stared.

Watching the fifty story tall 7th Angel Israfel get lifted by an 8 foot tall demon and piledriven into submission was too bizarre for words.

"The piledrivers were my idea!" Ritsuko Akagi said proudly, doing her level best to ignore Maya Ibuki, who was pulling the strings on the blonde scientist's thong bikini.

"Hey, Shigeru, ever notice how, since Maya found that damn Dungeon thingy, all of the females have to wear string bikinis and let her fondle them? I wonder why that is..." Makoto Hyuga inquired.

The Comms Officer, Shigeru Aoba, groaned inwardly at the density of his friend's skull, "That's because she's now a non-replaceable asset and she likes girls."

"Huh. I like girls too. We have so much in common... I wonder if I should get up the courage to ask her out..." Makoto murmurred.

Shigeru felt like punching Makoto in the back of the head for wanting to make a move on Maya, who, from the way Ritsuko was now doing her level best to ignore Maya's nose nuzzling it's way into her cleavage, was very clearly a lesbian. If she'd been even bisexual, the guys in NERV would have a new dress code as well.

"I just wonder how Commander Fuyutsuki can still do the Mexican Hat Dance, even though it's been a week since Commander Ikari resigned." Shigeru noted, looking at the new director and commander of NERV, who was amid his 20767th consequetive hat dance, still eating salsa and cheese-drenched nachos, drinking tequila and letting out "YEEEEHAAAAWW"s of joy, just as he had the first day.

"I'm more worried about the fact that I have to wear this one- piece school swimsuit that says, 'Not Yet, Still Jailbait' on it." Asuka commented.

"It disturbs me as well." Rei noted, glancing down at her own labeled one-piece swimsuit.

Misato just fumed, although, if one were to speculate from her behavior, which surrounded the fact that she only got angry when Maya was visibly molesting Ritsuko, she was either jealous of the attention Maya was getting or angry that MAYA got to molest Ritsuko.

Shinji, having nothing to complain about, wisely kept his mouth shut, although when he checked his locker and found the leather miniskirt, he got worried...

* * *

I wanted to throw in another line that would have been funny, but it would require you all to have seen up to Neon Genesis Evangelion Episode 24.

Got something to add to this feature? Want to write a mini- story of how horrible these ideas might be?


	17. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 17

Nathaniel was livid. Not only had Ranma just informed them of why they were now stuck in jars where their dungeon hearts once were, but a group of jack-off vampire-wannabes suddenly started attacking a number of his favorite towns and places.

Though Nathaniel was loathe to get involve in combat that might ruin that reputation of his recent creations, anything that fucked with his favorites was going to die.

Again.

* * *

Dungeon Keeper Ranma

Chapter 17: Keeper vs. Keeper

By A-kun

* * *

// indicated telepathy. 

* * *

Bridget LOVED being a vampire. She'd wanted to be one ever since she was thirteen and got a bad case of zits. Once the so-called 'cool kids' teased her about being a 'pizza face', she'd been forced to re-evaluate just what was important. When a few goth girls took her into their circle, she was thankful and eagerly joined them.

She never looked back.

But there were levels to the goth culture and she soon found a different circle of friends, the Vampyres.(1)

Once again, she never looked back.

As far as she was concerned, wearing all black, sucking blood, living at night, and not having to live by society's restraints.

So, when the opportunity to become a real vampire came about, she took it and never looked back.

Bridget and several of her recently-turned friends were currently storming through their high school, killing whoever they wanted, and laughing as people fled screaming before them.

As fun as it was, it didn't take long before people chose to stand up to them. Without the sight of dead bodies behind them and no sight of guns or knives, some of the football players felt they were good enough to take on the vampires.

That was a big mistake, as all they managed to do was humiliate themselves as the vampires toyed with them, slapping them or kicking them back the way they'd come. Once the jocks were frightened off, five more people decided to stand up to them.

Four were the goth girls Bridget had once hung out with, Katherine, Carol, Sheena, and Gretchen. The last was a tan overweight boy named Aaron with a black buzz cut who was a 'martial artist'. Even though he was laughed at and picked on, Aaron had never lost any fight started with him, so he might actually be something of a threat.

Maybe.

"Why, Bridget? Why the death and misery?" Katherine, the leader, inquired.

"Because it's fun!" Bridget sneered, "You should've taken it to the next step... you don't know what you're missing out on..."

"You're right, she's missing out being a complete tool." Aaron spoke up, "So far, you've shown you have the maturity of a two year old."

One of Bridget's companions, Fix, snarled and darted forward. He was so fast, Bridget could see Katherine's eyes widen and struggle to follow the pale vampire boy's movements. A second later, Fix was in front of Aaron, motionless. Bridget snorted derisively and waited for Aaron to flinch.

Instead, Fix fell back, clutching his throat with both hands, his esophagus now the shape of a 'U' instead of an 'O'.

Aaron snorted back at Bridget, "You all thought fatboy couldn't move, didn't you? You stupidly assumed that because I'm overweight, I can't be as quick as you."

Aaron was in front of Bridget faster than Bridget could blink, and was now crushing Fix's throat more completely in his left hand, as his eyes locked hers in place, "Guess what? Fatboy was also the name of a bomb. And explosions are mighty fast."

Bridget remembered was turning and running the instant Aaron's thumb snapped Fix's neck off as easily as flicking a booger, and her other friends lunging at Aaron.

She'd gotten to the end of the hallway when her friends started screaming.

Bridget ran and ran. She had to find somewhere far far away from her hometown and people like Aaron. She had to get free of the Keeper who'd made her into a vampire. She would find a small town far far away and do her level best never to give anyone any reason to do what Aaron had just done to Fix.

And once more, Bridget never looked back.

* * *

Just like Bridget, other vampires were finding nasty surprises. Some of those surprises were people who'd studied a wide enough vampire mythos to know how to ward off the vampire attacks. Others were fortunate enough to have connections to Nathaniel, so when the vampires burst into a resturaunt or a hospital or even a few nudey bars, they were greeted swiftly and brutally by large flame-breathing Charizards, equally massive plasma-breathing Dragonites, and even diminutive water-spitting tortoises who ducked to let the strange fox-squirrels who had yellow fur spit lightning at the now wet and highly conductive vampires.

Others were quickly shot down and then finished off by followers of Xanus, the Keeper who'd effectively disarmed all of the super powers of the world. Though both keepers were loathe to admit it, they had a mutual enemy in the jerk who'd just sent an assload of vampires to attack cities across the United States.

So, it wasn't long before Xanus found himself face to face with a brown-furred fox-squirrel who was in the arms of a anthropromorphic fox woman with yellow and white fur. The fox-squirrel gave Xanus the once over as well. Xanus was only five foot six, but he had nice brown ahir and deep blue eyes, and he was at least bigger than the fox creature.

"Greetings, Keeper Xanus. I am Keeper Natheniel... or rather, I'm an Eevee who is currently possessed by Keeper Nathaniel. In any case..." the fox-squirrel looked up to the fox woman, "Can you hold me higher? I'm hurting my neck here?"

The fox woman obeyed and the Nathaniel-possessed Eevee gained a rather perverted grin as she raised him so he was pressed against her chest, "As I was saying, it would seem we are in dire straits. I've just heard from Keeper Ranma that some serious shit is going on and he's a bit preoccupied, so we're going to have to hunt down this jack-off Keeper by ourselves for the time being."

"He's the one who destroyed Duluth, isn't he?" Xanus inquired.

The Eevee hummed thoughfully, "If you aren't the one, then chances are high that one of the last two are. Ranma's kept me somewhat informed of the situation around the world and from what I can tell, only a keeper or a mage can do that, but magic's been kinda dead for a long time prior to the Hearts... in any case, there are only about five or six keepers left on this world, including you, me and Ranma, so the one who destroyed Duluth must be among us. And since I've been busy playing God, you've been busy playing Hero, Ranma's been busy playing Ambassador; that leaves the last few as suspects."

Xanus nodded.

"By the way, how did you make thirty-five million converts?" Nathaniel inquired.

"I only made ten million converts." Xanus replied, frowning deeply.

The two keepers looked at each other for a few seconds.

"OH FU-"

No sooner had the vampires begun to route than twenty million skeletons started running down roads in various crowded cities and towns, shrieking and howling while slashing at people with swords was enough to throw any city into a panic, even when the number in each city was individually small. Even just a thousand for various small towns and ten thousand for the major cities was enough to cause wide-spread terror.

Xanus had to admit that even though it was assbackwards from proper strategy, it was fucking brilliant for the mystery keeper to send a diversion to aid in recovering his best forces.

Most people wouldn't think skeletons were too scary on their own, but skeletons had no blood to bleed or organs to stab or shoot, the weapons that can actually handle even a single magically-created skeleton is rather small.

A skeleton didn't care if it's ribs got damaged. It didn't care if an arm was broken.

A skeleton didn't need skin to feel, blood to move, a heart to beat, a mind to think.

A skeleton didn't need a skull to see, hear, smell or taste. It could sense targets even minus a head of any sort.

A skeleton didn't have fear.

Worse, a skeleton was actually a very small target. One had to be able to hit a fly with a bullet in order to shoot a skeleton's bones, and buckshot only had a marginally bigger chance of hitting.

To say local police were overwhelmed was to put it mildly. Most police officers hadn't had the chance to take a course on handling undead because most police academies didn't offer such classes, and when each one had the arm strength of a professional baseball player but didn't get tired, their attacks were quite dangerous.

The only things the police had going for them was the fact that there were keepers on their side and that monsters loaned to them by Dungeon Keeper Ranma were able to take some of the load. Things started to change for the better when the police switched from using guns to using their vehicles and nightsticks, but it didn't improve that much, as a number were intact enough for their mysterious keeper to heal them.

* * *

Ranma had issues of his own to deal with. All at once, over four hundred thousand enemies had shown up on Harmonia's shores. Worse, his Dungeon Heart wasn't able to identify their species.

From what Keeper Nanami had just told him, her island was under a similar attack and his Sight of Evil confirmed that the same creatures were crawling all over the shores of her Harmonia.

The first thing to do was to get a first line of defense established. Ranma was actually grateful he'd gotten so many opportunities to prepare against sudden invasions during his march across Harmonia, but he'd never had to establish a line of defense against such a large force nor had he needed to protect such a large section of land against invasion.

The first order of business was attended to by dropping some knights, goblins, dwarves and rogues a mile inland from most of the areas he detected intruders. He scattered various mistresses, elves, wizards, fairies and monks behind them. He left the Dark Angels and Royal Guards to defend the villages, in case any of the enemy were able to sneak past the first lines of defense.

Once the frontline was made, Ranma decided to take a better look at the enemy attacking Harmonia. He possessed an imp and activated the Umisenken before sneaking to locate the nearest group.

* * *

Kasumi had to admit that things had to be desperate for assistance if Ranma had picked her and Ukyou to back up Bagor, Michael and several other goblins and knights. Sure, Cerl, Lotus and Zenobia were there too, but that didn't really change the fact that he'd included her in the battleplans.

Though, as she started seeing the loping enemy forms, she began to seriously worry about WHY Ranma needed her.

Perhaps the most identifiable figure was an eight foot tall gorilla-esque creature with a bat-like face.(2)

Intermixed with the bat-gorrila creatures were beasts that were larger in size than the first, but had what looked like a cheezy green bodysuit, akin to what characters from super-hero movies wore to make their physique look more impressive than it was. The only truly unusual thing was that the creature's neck was incredibly thick and leaned forward, no doubt to reinforce itself when it used the horn that forward straight forward from it's forehead.(3)

Next were the unusual creatures which looked like crabs or lobsters whose bodies looked to be resculpted to resembled a basic human form.(4)

Behind them were brown-skinned creatures with what looked like a duffel bag on each shoulder. They looked a bit like the first bat-gorrilas, but their heads were slouched forward like the horn-headed beasts.(5)

In very small numbers intermixed with the the duffel-creatures were blue-skinned creatures which resembled the green-skinned horn creatures, but had shell-like armor that was overlapping, akin to cross between an armadillo's shell and medieval armor, and long claws instead of fingers.(6)

The sheer number of enemies when compared to the number of Harmona's forces, which numbered only around sixty-five hundred active members, was disconcerting to say the least.(7)

It was only the fact that Ranma had lost very few living minions during his campaign that had Kasumi steadying a bit. She and Ukyou knew a few attack spells, but they hadn't really practiced the bigger spells in large quantities.

Ranma's telepathic message reached Kasumi and from the look on everyone else's faces, he was likely contacting everyone at once//I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that the enemy is setting up to stagger itself into waves, and what is currently on the island is about it for their forces. Bad news is each of you is going to need to take down at least sixty or more of these things. From what I can tell, they're not magical, so we've at least got that advantage firmly on our side. I've prepared some reinforcements, but they'll be in the areas that need them most.//

Kasumi took several deep breaths, steeled herself and started chanting her firebomb spell. It might or might not do much, but she wasn't going to let everyone down now that she had a way of helping out.

* * *

Xanus had to admit that he felt bad that he and his followers had been forced to break into over a thousand hardware stores, since his original goal was simply preventing any nation from pulling an Judgement Day scenario, but their collection of weaponry had been focused more around knives and guns, neither of which were all that useful against skeletons.

Perhaps the most interesting turning point in the desperate struggle were the arrival of a mixed bag of martial artists and the Bruce Lee movie fanatics. Even if the majority weren't all that good, extra hands had been quite useful in turning the tide on the skeleton army.

Once the tide of bone was finally stopped, though, many of the surviving vampires returned, this time with an even larger army. The new one made up of lesser creatures, but the billion rats or so that swarmed into each major city were certainly numerous enough to cause the weary defenders of the cities to gulp, groan and whimper in dread.

"This is pointless, Xanus! It's the keeper whose causing this ruckus that we have to stop." Nathaniel growled, though his frustration only served to make his temporary Eevee body look more adorable.

"And just how do you propose we stop him or her? We don't even know where they are!" Xanus demanded hotly.

"When the vampires started running the first time, I sent one of my canine creations off to track it on the back of an avian creation." Nathaniel smiled, before frowning, "I know where he or she is, I just don't have the manpower to launch an assault on an unknown factor."

"Did I just hear that you men know where the enemy responsible for these terrorist attacks is?" came the gravelly voice of a man with a five o'clock shade inquired.

"Uh... yes?" Nathaniel answered.

"If you're willing to wait an hour, I can get a infiltration team together." the man explained.

"Just who are you?" Xanus inquired.

"Name's Fisher. Sam Fisher." the man replied.

For some reason, Xanus and Nathaniel both developed a twitch in their left eyes.(8)

* * *

Keeper Ranma wasn't sure what or who had made these creatures, but they were certainly resilient. Even he and Horny smashing their ways through a literal sea of the mutant creatures, and they'd been pounding for over an hour to a far smaller effect than they had through Reginald's army, and that was saying a lot. Even his modified imps weren't doing all that well, and they'd handled a number of his most obnoxious foes on their lonesome.

The last time Ranma could recall such a long and brutal fight had been the battle between him, Titus and Dante.

Horny swung his scythe, bisecting six more of the mutants before it became lodged in the hard shell of one of the crab-like creatures. Horny spat flames, but save for gaining the Reaper some needed room, it didn't cause much of an effect.

Ranma couldn't count the number of times he'd used Welcome Gate Iron Fingers or the Dance of the Mad Gods. When the imp he'd been possessing had died, he'd possessed another and leapt into the fray again, thankful that imps didn't feel much in the way of exhuastion.

Ranma didn't dare try using any of his combat spells, since he needed the full stream for healing and maintaining Horny's power. Even so, he would have KILLED to be able use some of his more recently learned and admittedly nastier spells.

But given their opponents, he wasn't sure they'd do much.

Ranma felt a signal come from an imp.

"HORNY, DOWN!"

Ranma and Horny hit the dirt as a barrage of magical cannon fire and electrical discharges struck the monsters, slaying a few and dealing moderate damage to a fair number more.

Ranma and Horny leapt their feet and raced over the hill where the magical cannons and lightning generators were, quickly pursued by mutants, who didn't realize anything was wrong with that concept until the lead mutant, one of the bat-gorrillas noticed Ranma and Horny standing at the foot of the hill on the other side, grinning widely. He screeched to a halt, slowing down the ones behind him enough for the trap to spring.

The hill beneath the feet of the mutants vanished, and the mutants dropped out of sight.

"Heh. I wish we could have used that one on Nemesis." Ranma commented as he gazed down the massive hole to see the last of the mutants vanish into the molten hot lava below.

"Somehow, I don't think this would work too well underground." Horny commented.

"Nonsense. We'd just have to switch the hollowed out hill and the iron doors for a stone bridge." Ranma answered.

"Isn't it a bit early for us to be celebrating, Master?" Horny inquired.

"Oh, right. Let's hope the others fall for this sort of trick." Ranma noted, as he and Horny teleported away.

* * *

The assembled forces that Sam Fisher had managed to pull together was from a wide assortment of agencies, and a few went solely by their code names, like Master Chief, Solid Snake and Raiden.

Nathaniel and Xanus both twitched at meeting the power-suited man, the grizzled dark-haired veteran and the blonde pretty boy ninja, but managed to keep things moving. Xanus himself had managed to pull together three of his most loyal, while Nathaniel had provided rides in the form of massive fire-breathing Charizards, a pair of massive birds that Nathaniel called 'Fearows', and brought along three anthropromorphic females from various series, including the foxgirl he'd brought to the negotiations.

Xanus was vaguely disturbed by Nathaniel's furry fetish, but it was just as well since Nathaniel was put off by Xanus' strong anti-nuclear opinions.

"Listen up, Solid Snake and Sam Fisher can ride on the Fearow, to provide you two an opportunity at stealth, though it might not mean much if our enemy is as good at detecting stuff as we are. The rest of us will attack via the Charizards to catch his attention." Nathaniel explained.

They separated and hopped onto their respective rides.

* * *

Dart never thought he'd be fighting back to back with a Dark Angel, but while both he and Zachiriach were impressive fighters, many of the strange creatures were persistent and surprisingly resilient. The bat-headed gorillas were easy to kill, but the rest had some form of regeneration, making them irritating to finish off, even if they were easy enough to injure.

Dart leapt into the air and began to charge his magic for his Phoenix Drive technique. He hated to leave Zachariach by his lonesome, but the Dark Angel seemed to know what Dart had in mind as he raised three skeletons and leapt into the air, out of Dart's path as the Fire Dragoon's technique reached it's critical point.

"PHOENIX DRIVE!" Dart roared, shooting into the sky, then swooping down and carving a swath through the enemy lines.

Zachariach growled in frustration as he gazed down at the enemy. Though a good eighty or so had died in that single strike, the rest didn't seem fazed by the sudden drop in allies.

[What manner of creatures are these that they'd ignore the loss of so many allies? Zachariach wondered, gazing down at the creatures. Few creatures, even amongst the Dark Gods minions could so blaisely ignore the kind of damage that Dart had just dished out.

"Looks like you boys could use some help." the raven-haired Black Dragoon, Rose, spoke up as she arrived at the scene.

"These creatures are infuriatingly difficult to finish off." Dart growled as he reascended to speak with Zachariach and Rose.

"That's because most of them are mindless." Rose responded.

"Golems? Zombies?" Zachariach inquired.

Rose shrugged, "They might as well be."

"Do you think we could get them with your Rashomon Gate?" Dart inquired.

"Yes, but I might get the villagers too if I tried to get all of them." Rose answered, "But I can probably nab a majority on the north side."

"Then do it. We'll finish the rest." Zachariach ordered, firing off three acid blasts at two of the strange brown ones with the duffel bag-esque pods on their shoulders. The strange pods could fire out strange beams that burned like the most searing fire magic and Zachariach did NOT want to feel said attacks again.

The two creatures howled as their faces began to melt. A howl echoed through the village as Prince Daniel and collection of knights charged in from the south, pincering the southern group.

* * *

It wasn't long before the flight of Charizards sighted the target, a citadel floating over the middle Atlantic ocean.

Xanus was surprised that their enemy even had any minions left to fire the massive ballista bolts that were now flying at them. But it didn't take a genius to figure out from the reused buildings that their enemy was indeed the one responsible for the destruction of Duluth Minnesota.

The "Welcome To Duluth" sign on the side of the citadel was another big clue.

The Charizards did well to avoid the ballista bolts and slammed heavily into the ramparts, allowing their passengers to leap off before beginning to rampage, destroying the defenses.

Nathaniel grinned as he zipped past the skeletons, below their notice because of his current form's diminuitive size. The guards were certainly fools, since he had amped up this particular body far beyond the normal limits of the creatures seen in the game.

Despite his early glee at being ignored, Nathaniel found the citadel to be somewhat mazelike, and had to backtrack several times before he found a crowd of vampires between him and what was likely the heavy steel door to their enemy.

Nathaniel opened his mouth as he ran towards them.

The vampires screamed as the tiny fox-squirrel spat a ray of pure plasma boiling their bodies away and punching a large hole in the door. Nathaniel spat another polt to destroy the door so that his allies could follow him.

As Nathaniel entered, he leapt, narrowly avoiding the pit trap that would have skewered his tiny body like a shishkabob. He had to teleport back out of the room to avoid the flurry of spells that would have vaporized him by the mystery keeper, who looked like a human figure made entirely out of light.

As the mystery keeper started to walk into his view through the hole in the steel door, Nathaniel spat a freezing beam, encasing the keeper in three feet of ice. Nathaniel scurried back into the room to destroy the Dungeon Heart, but the mystery keeper appeared in front of him, slamming a spear into the ground in front of Nathaniel.

Nathaniel spat flames, but the creature swung his arms, the flames spilling around him like smoke. Nathaniel growled as he unleashed a telekinetic blast, but the creature ignored it entirely.

"Creatures like you disgust me." the creature snarled.

"Pompous assholes like you disgust me, so we're even." Nathaniel replied.

"JUDGEMENT!" the creature roared.

Nathaniel screamed as he flew backwards and slammed heavily against the far wall, every bone in his temporary body shattered. He pumped healing energy into it, but it would take a while before it could move again.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Saving people from themselves?" Nathaniel taunted.

"Why would I waste my time? Humanity's time is at its end. We've been needing a good cleansing for a while now, but the weapons that would do so were always in the hands of the weak and small-minded." the creature answered.

"So you want purification?!" Nathaniel asked, incredulous, before snarling "Well, too fucking bad! GO PURIFY YOURSELF, DICKWEED!"

Nathaniel roared, his body flaring with anger as he began to summon all of the elemental power that he'd put into the Eevee's tiny body.

Nathaniel shot forward and was on the other side of the room before the creature could react. It barely had time to leap in front of its dungeon heart before Nathaniel unleashed the most powerful multi-elemental attack that he could muster.

Fourteen different elements slammed into the creature, sending it flying across the room as Nathaniel shot forward, ready to destroy the Dungeon Heart, but the creature appeared in front of him again, "JUDGEMENT!"

It was only quick thinking that allowed Nathaniel to dodge the attack as he teleported across the room[SHIT! This could go on forever!

A pair of missiles from the ceiling revealed that Solid Snake and Sam Fisher had both managed to infiltrate the room from the ceiling, but a wave of the creature's hand sliced the two projectiles in half, causing their premature detonation.

Xanus and the rest of the allies burst into the room, weapons drawn and rushed the creature. The mysterious keeper slipped between each strike, flicking each attacker away with surprising force.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" the creature snarled as Sam and Solid Snake began to throw grenades at the Dungeon Heart, "ALL OF YOU, BURN!"

The next thing Nathaniel saw, the room was on fire, and everyone was struggling to return to their feet.

"COOL OFF!" Nathaniel answered, "HYDRO PUMP!"

Water exploded through the walls and flowed into the room, stopping all of the fires.

As the water receded, a familiar figure stepped through one of the holes. Ranma grinned, "KNOCK KNOCK!"

The creature wasted no time snapped a hand towards him, "JUDGEMENT!"

* * *

Oooh, cliffhanger.

My apologies on this being late. My pre-reader has been so goll-durn tied up that I'd decided, for better or worse, to finish the series without him, when out of the blue, he sends me a harried comment: "It sounds a lot like a 'Rocks fall, everybody dies' sort of ending."

As for why it took so long for me to post it even after he told me that: Because the battle with the last "bad" keeper felt too short (as in Horny comes in and he dies), for better or worse, I'm changing it.

Hopefully DK Ranma 18, both the finale AND the conclusion of this series, won't take so damn long to finish. Oh, and yes, I'll be providing a webpage with the images for the various Guyver-based monsters for those too lazy to look them up on Google around the same time I post Chapter 18

(1) - A Vampyre is essentially a 'living vampire'. They're people who got into the habit of drinking blood to be as much like vampires as possible. They're listed in the Ravenloft monster manuals.  
(2) - From Bio-Booster Armor Guyver: Ramotith. Featured in the original anime and the manga. Ramotiths are the base-level Zoanoid of the Chronos Corporation and the most easily produced. Seen in Book 1, Chapter 3.  
(3) - From Bio-Booster Armor Guyver: Gregole. Featured in the original anime and manga. Not quite as easily produced as Ramotiths, Gregoles are far stronger and have padded armored skin which makes them far more bulletproof than most other Zoanoids. Seen in Book 1, Chapter 1.  
(4) - From Bio-Booster Armor Guyver: Granza. Not featured in either the original anime or manga, but found in the artbooks. Assumed to be an aquatic-based unit, their deployment could be intended for both land (as heavy armor) and deep ocean.  
(5) - From Bio-Booster Armor Guyver: Vamore. Featured in the original anime and manga. Not particularly strong. Vamores have a large bio-laser mounted on each shoulder, which can open and fire a short powerful beam. Unfortunately, the fuel for the bio-laser is toxic to the Zoaform, limiting how often it can fire, since it has to dispose of the used toxins before it can fire again. Seen in Book 1, Chapter 2.  
(6) - From Bio-Booster Armor Guyver: Delcasse. Not featured in the original anime or manga. The Delcasse has bio-lasers in their forearms, the emitters being where their palms would be. Their ruged armor shell is impenetrable to standard projectile weapons. The color of the Delcasse was indetermineable from the images I saw, so I picked a color at random.  
(7) - To give you an idea of how badly the active Harmonia forces are outnumbered, for every one person on Harmonia's side, there over sixty people for the enemy.  
(8) - That accursed twitch is back. BTW, for those who haven't played it, Sam Fisher is from Splinter Cell. Of course, considering the wide-spread publicity Splinter Cell has gotten, your T.V. channels must be poor, religious or non-American/non-French to not have this commercial. Seriously, it's akin to not knowing who Mario or Mickey Mouse are.

Chapter 18: Don't Fear The Reaper (Fear Its Keeper)

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
or  
_Dattebayo Dungeon Keeper?_  


* * *

Horniculus was massaging his temples. If he hadn't already found out that aspirin was worthless for demons, he would have tried another bottle.

Another random Dungeon Keeper. Horny didn't understand who the hyper-active blonde ninja wearing an eye-gougingly bad outfit was, but he didn't like having to be the brat's enforcer. Naruto Uzumaki didn't have much need for Horny, which left the demon time to drink pina coladas and reminsce about the old days, before boys containing demons were allowed to learn insanely powerful techniques.

At least the boy was enthusiastic about his new position. He'd conquered his home country and converted most of his fellow ninja, though he had 'accidentally' let quite a few die in the torture chamber.

The creepiest thing was when Naruto taught his 'Kage Bunshin' technique to his imps, which now looked like slightly shorter copies of the boy himself.

"Dattebayo!" the six or so mini-Narutos cried before each multiplied by a hundred times, scattering all over the room, before each scurried off on various tasks.

When Naruto nabbed Horny's scythe and raced out of the room, Horny cried, "Good ahead and take it! I stopped caring three Omakes ago!"

End.

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
or  
_The Grim Adventures of the Horned Reaper_  


* * *

"Grim, meet Horny. Horny, Grim." Mandy declared.

The Grim Reaper stared at the Horned Reaper.

"This has GOT to be the WORST joke in history of Omakes. I oughta find the blasted author-" Grim paused as he noticed what was in Horny's hand, "ooh... I like your scythe..."

"Thanks, though yours will always be a classic..." Horny answered.

"Thanks, man. Most people usually joke about the scythe, how it's passe, that it's uncool." Grim responded.

Horny shook his head, "They're just jealous. Classics like your scythe should be cherished... I remember when I had one just like it. But my keeper ran short on funds and sold it, and by the time I managed to get enough cash together to buy it back, someone else had already bought it, so I had to get this upgraded model..."

As the two chattered away about scythes and reaping techniques, Mandy gazed over at her companion, Billy, who'd already been eaten by an irate salamander for trying to mess with her eggs.

"This is dull. End it." Mandy commanded.

"You don't own me!" A-kun growled.

Mandy punched him in a very sensitive place, "END IT NOW!"

End.

But only because I wanted to...

Owie... for a little girl, she really hits hard...

* * *

Got something to add to this feature? Want to write a mini-story of how horrible these ideas might be? 


	18. Dungeon Keeper Ranma 18

* * *

**Dungeon Keeper Ranma**

**Chapter 18: Don't Fear The Reaper (Fear Its Keeper)**

**By A-kun**

* * *

// indicated telepathy.

* * *

Ranma was a tad startled at the sudden attack, but not to the degree that he'd allow it to hit him. He darted to the side and leapt just out of the range of the wave of energy that the final keeper had unleashed.

The creature that was supposedly the final keeper was quick enough in its attacks that Ranma found himself worried as he bounded around the room, making sure that the attacks were aimed at places where they couldn't hit the others in the room.

Then, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, a large number of...

Puppies.

Why in the nine hells were there PUPPIES in the enemy Keeper's room?

And why did the enemy Keeper look like he was ill at the sight of them?

Ranma noticed the unconscious members of the strike group disappeared along with the puppies, leaving Ranma, the enemy Keeper, Nathaniel and Xanus alone in the room.

"So... does this thing have a name or do we call it 'bad guy'?" Ranma inquired as he dodged another of the 'Judgement' beams that the strange light-based keeper fired off.

"How about we call it 'Dumbass'?" Nathaniel growled, dodging another blast. He was actually grateful for the mystery puppies that had pulled the others back. He could now concentrate on keeping his current body alive. After all, it was his genetic masterpiece thus far, and he didn't want to have to replace it.

"How about 'Assgoblin'?" Xanus commented as he managed to roll to his feet and leapt out of the path of another attack. His commandeered sword was still intact and useable, though Xanus wasn't sure it would survive an attack.

"HOW ABOUT 'DEATH', SINCE I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!" the figure snarled, throwing several random blasts about the room, coming close to it's three opponents, but not close enough.

"Sweet mother McCree, I think this looney was an 'Emo'... probably explains all of the rats, skeletons and vampires." Xanus spoke up, noting that the angrier their enemy got, the less accurate it was.

"Probably cut itself and posted the pictures on MySpace." Nathaniel tossed in, grinning evilly.

"Well, one thing is for sure, he or she obviously loved glow-in-the-dark pancake makeup." Ranma joined in.

"Maybe there was a horrible accident at the pancake makeup factory and this is our world's equivalent of an Emo Joker." Nathaniel commented.

"I'd rather see Catwoman, Harlequin or Poison Ivy, myself." Xanus teased.

"Say, are you male or female? It's really hard to tell." Ranma noted, "And it would help us fantasize what you could have been."

Pushed to the brink of frustration and anger, the enemy Keeper unleashed a wave of flame that swallowed Nathaniel up, before it abruptly extended its arms to an unnatural length, catching Xanus and Ranma by surprise and slamming them into the same unrelenting wall.

Ranma and Xanus struggled to get loose, but even Ranma's teleportation abilities wouldn't work. Ranma even tried de-possessing the imp, but that wasn't working either.

"While I'm holding you, your spirits are trapped in those bodies, meaning when they die, YOU die and I can finally finish my plan to purify this disgusting world." the enemy Keeper sneered.

The enemy keeper opened its mouth and particles of light began to draw themselves into the strange figure's mouth.

That was when a large black dog leapt out of seemingly nowhere and bit the extended arm holding Ranma hard enough for its fangs to dig in. The enemy keeper howled, unleashing the gathered beam in its mouth prematurely and blasting the ceiling instead of its intended targets. It retracted its other arm and fired its Judgement attack, but Xanus leapt in the way, grunting in pain as the ray of light tore through his right shoulder, severing his right arm from his body. Xanus' body struck the dog, eliciting a yelp that was more out of surprise than pain, and the man and dog tumbled to the ground.

"Goddammit, Windsor... I said I'd handle this crap..." Xanus groaned out. The blast had burned like nothing else and his nerve endings were sending him far inflated information on exact extent of the damage. Unfortunately, shock was setting in quickly and Xanus fell limp.

Snarling, the black dog turned to the enemy keeper. The creature of light briefly balked at the intelligence and sheer hatred filling the dog's eyes, but extended its hand again to finish off the mutt.

The dog disappeared.

"What-" the unknown keeper began before a set of fangs buried itself firmly into its neck from behind. Its screams of pain were lessened to pained gurgles as the keeper struggled to dislodge the black dog, which was clawing into its back as the dog tightened its jaws around the light creature's throat.

In its panic, it had utterly forgotten Nathaniel, who'd managed to emerge from the flames after healing himself, and Ranma, both of whom swept past it and smashed its dungeon heart.

The light faded to reveal a young man who had brown hair than Xanus, green eyes, a pale complexion, but no clothing.

"BLEAH! I didn't need to see that!" Ranma declared, raising a hand to block his view of the freaky keeper's manberries.

"Uh, he should be dead by now..." Nathaniel commented as Windsor's fangs had pretty much crushed his windpipe and probably torn open all of his main neck arteries, but the keeper kept struggling.

Ranma paused, considering that[Come to think of it... Lundar mentioned that there was another Dungeon Heart... maybe it's keeping him alive?

Sighing, Ranma turned to Nathaniel, "Looks like we've got another Dungeon Heart to destroy."

The two split up, heading through out the citadel. Ranma found himself looking at a massive graveyard when the citadel began to collapse.

//Ranma, I destroyed it! It was disguised as a really big lamp, kinda like the ones we got stuck in.// came the telepathic message from Nathaniel.

Ranma was a tad surprised that HE wasn't the one to finish the job, but at least the other two had proven their worth. They'd managed to save America from a surprise attack that would have had medieval tacticians drooling with envy, AND all of the Dungeon Hearts were now back to normal, and he didn't need to possess an imp to get around. It was a tad weird finding out that Xanus was actually the enforcer for a dog who'd become a keeper, but in all honesty, it was a lot more reasonable than some of the things he'd seen. Like that whole phoenix incident with Tatewaki.

Now there was just the question of who had sent those weird creatures to his and Nanami's islands.

* * *

Kronos Corporation was perhaps the most brilliant yet stupidly obvious lie ever. It was listed as an international research and development laboratory and did have a number of honest products and inventions to its name.

The problem was that any serious investigation would begin unraveling a huge slew of disappearances amongst the listed staff.

By themselves, a few disappearances could be written off. It wasn't impossible for people to get so stressed out that they simply walked away from their lives and started up fresh somewhere else. There's even a mental disorder called "Disassociative Fugue" that was created to describe that mental disorder. There was also the chance of a random kidnapping, amnesia, and a whole slew of other possible rational explanations.

However, when one looked at the disappearances as a whole, roughly 85 of all of Kronos' known employees (give or take 12 percent) _**worldwide**_ had gone missing. _Overnight_.

That kinda of thing can't be explained away in a rational way, especially since two-thirds had disappeared abruptly and in vastly different settings, in the middle of dinner with their families, during a movie, after informing relatives that they were on their way over, etc.

A few employees taking off on the same night because of unseen pressure or stress was possible, especially if the incidents were a few weeks or even months apart.

Over a thousand employees all doing the exact same disappearance act on the same night was not.

Especially when the tally of missing employees was very close to the number of strange mutants who'd attacked the two islands of Harmonia.

Ranma wasn't sure how Nanami had done all this research, but it was obvious that she'd been having some suspicions and, with Ranma's help, managed to discover their final mutual enemy in a matter of hours, and had confirmed it within another hour.

The question was: What could possibly be left?

Were Ranma a more foolish keeper, he might have arrogantly thought that Kronos would have put forth their entire army. But these sickos had been secretly digging into society for a long time, so while they would have put forth a large portion of their forces, putting everything into a split attack against two unquantified opponents was simply suicide.

The fact that while casualities had been heavy on both sides, there'd been no fatalities on the side of the Keepers, simply added to that. The fact that Kronos' forces had been completely decimated solidified it.

The biggest problem was that, in order to finish off this pesky and foolish organization, they'd have to do it fast, hard and completely. Kronos seemed like those obnoxious criminal organizations where if even a little bit remained, it could come back.

Plus, a few things worried Ranma.

The first and foremost was that Kronos had seemed confident enough to send two massive forces to two different islands. It was possible that half of the force had wound up on Nanami's island by sheer mistake. If that was true, then Kronos might have been smarter than Ranma gave them credit for.

Secondly, the mutated creatures might have been the fodder, meant to simply wear down the defenders through sheer numbers. If that was true, then chances were high that what they'd killed were the equivalent of white belts in martial arts, and the remaining forces were likely stronger, faster, more powerful, definitely highly skilled, and worst of all, probably vastly more intelligent.

Thirdly was that this organization had managed to keep itself and its activities so well hidden up to this point. It was fully possible that they had sleeper agents all over the place, and not just in the cities where their buildings were located.

And finally, to have pulled all of their employees without any distinguishable communication and to have timed their attack so well indicated something that would likely prove nasty.

Still, Ranma wanted to strike back at Kronos as soon as possible, which meant that once all of the assorted minions had recovered, it was go time.

* * *

Arguments were a fact of life. Some arguments were simple differences of opinion. Some are trying to weigh facts against each other. Others were differences of percepions of reality.

For those struggling with that bit, it's one of those philosophical things: Everyone can look at a puppy, but depending on various things, not everyone is going to react the same to that puppy. Hence, everyone sees the same reality (the puppy), but not everyone has the same perception of it (their opinion of the puppy).

Some people might squeal and declare, "AAAAWWWWW! HOW ADORABLE!"

Some people might smile and say, "Heh... it's darn cute."

Some people might say, "Eh. You see one animal, you've seen them all."

Some people might think its not as cute as something else.

Some people might comment that it looks a lot like .

Some people might only think of all of the carpet stains it'll cause or how much it'll cost to raise.

Yes, the perceptions of the puppy is different from person to person, and some might have multiple reactions to it.

Hence, everyone's perception is different.

However, the argument that was resounding across the courtyard was definitely a little of all three.

"For the last time, I'm NOT remarrying _**you**_!" Nodoka snapped.

"But, Nodoka-ch-er, uh, Nodoka-san," Genma managed to correct in time, as Nodoka had kneed him in the balls the last few times he'd tried to call her 'Nodoka-chan', "We NEED to stick together! For Ranma's sake! Look at how crazy Tendo's kids turned out! One's a nearly useless homemaker, one's a cold-blooded mercenary who's probably already started turning tricks for money, and the last one is so homicidal that she'll likely have turned into a serial killer by age 18! And Soun himself turned into a blubbering ninny!"

At first, Nodoka didn't even respond. Genma thought he'd gotten through, but Nodoka would have responded. She would have pointed out that the now deceased Miss Tendo had passed away when the Tendo girls were much younger than Ranma currently was, and that Soun has likely suffered a massive shock that he hadn't gotten over with. But she saw a better alternative. Genma didn't realize this until an evil grin began spreading across Nodoka's face and she began walking backwards while looking at him.

No, not looking at HIM, looking at something behind him. And she wasn't walking backwards, she was getting a safe distance away.

Genma felt the combined glares before he even turned around to see the Tendo Family giving him death-glares. Kasumi was holding a fireball in her right hand, Nabiki had commandeered a crossbow, Akane had somehow gotten her hands on a set of the wicked retractable claws that those Mistresses wore, and Soun was cracking his knuckles and giving his oldest training buddy a look normally seen on Yakuza enforcers right before they tried to break Genma's kneecaps for running out on his debts.

"Useless homemaker?" Kasumi repeated, her fireball growing to three times its previous size.

"Turning tricks?" Nabiki seethed, glad that the crossbow's enchantments made sure that it's projectile would hit the mark: Genma's groin.

"Blubbering ninny?" Soun growled.

Akane didn't comment, but it was clear that she hadn't appreciated what had been said about her either.

A hand clasped Genma's shoulder and Genma turned to see that boy that Ranma usually beat up, Totally Wacky or Wacky Tobaccy or something like that.

"Sir, you've insulted my girlfriend." Tatewaki noted with such calm that Genma thought he might have been commenting on the sky.

Genma may have been a master martial artist, but Tatewaki's knee to his groin seemed to go about three times faster than he'd expected.

Worse, Tatewaki had recently taken up wearing metal armor, complete with spiked kneeguards.

Words, his senses, his martial arts training and his natural reflexes all failed Genma.

It was then that the Tendos began their attack...

As it turned out, Ranma had actually been surprised that his father hadn't wound up in his prisons so much earlier with his stupid behavior. As it was, the old fart had already begun attempts to pick the lock on the door to the prison and was failing utterly in every regard.

After all, that lock was and always had been simply a ruse.

* * *

Ranma had been accurate in his assumption that Kronos had not put forth their entire army.

Pathetically, though, the resistance they found when they blitzed each and every listed Kronos company location was so weak and limited that Ranma doubted he'd have needed to send even a tenth of what he did to each site.

Ranma was just grateful he managed to get the approval from the various governments to perform the blitzes, but all of them wanted to get rid of what seemed to be a massive terrorist cell quickly before they could do any harm to their citizens.

Re-elections were coming up, after all, and it wouldn't look good to go pissing off Harmonia, especially after the U.S. had just had its ass saved for the first time in its national history.

It was after they'd cleared out and fully assessed each building that they began finding lots and lots of nasty little secrets about Kronos Corporation. Like how there were ten basement levels, but only two were officially listed.

And in each of those "extra" basements were laboratories with equipment that Ranma recognized as similar to Nathaniel's 'creature maker' tubes.

Only the subjects had been Kronos' own employees and occassionally kidnapped and brainwashed victims.

According to the data they'd found, an entire village had already undergone genetic manipulation.

The curious thing was that when Ranma visited the place, it was well in his command, and even more confusing, all of the civilians were loyal to him.

When Ranma asked the other keepers about the oddity, Nathaniel responded telepathically//It's possible that sleeper agents, like the kind seen in spy movies and the like, have their pre-set orders negated by the magic of becoming loyal to you, because those pre-set orders would require them to break that loyal, which as you've stated, can't be done unless an enemy uses a spell to temporarily turn them against you, or you somehow anger them or break their trust.//

//Any luck with those records?// Ranma asked Nanami.

//My wizards report that there's a large area that was purchased by Kronos Corporation for the purposes of creating a company resort, but supposedly, it's gone undeveloped for a while. And apparently, the local government, which is responsible for inspecting the development, was receiving large cash donations from-//

//Kronos Corporation.// Ranma noted//So where is this 'nonexistant resort'.//

//Mount Minakami.// Nanami answered.

//Right, it's probably their final stronghold. Gather everyone you can: we'll need them to wipe these schmucks off the face of the planet.//

//I don't know that it's their FINAL stronghold, since there are a number of small islands in the pacific that have been purchased by their executives, but chances are Mt. Minakami is where a majority of their remaining forces are. I'll bag the islands while you boys take out the stronghold.// Nanami replied.

* * *

"Okay, everyone," Ranma began as he gazed at what they'd determined was likely the main extrance, "On three, we blitz the hell out of these bastards, got it? One...twoooo..."

"We surrender!"

"DAMMIT!" Ranma cursed as he saw a number of Kronos soldiers exiting with their hands up.

This was TOTALLY ruining the feel of what should have been a climatic last battle.

Sadly, from what Nanami soon reported, the executives had all committed suicide, blowing up their entire islands. From what Nanami's chief enforcer, Ifurita, had reported, all lifeforms on the island had been snuffed out in the explosion.

And Mt. Minakami was quickly turning into a routine cleanup operation, like when he'd taken out some of those drug cartels.

"It's not fair..." Ranma sniffed.

"Well, you could always conquer another planet..." Ukyou spoke up.

Maidel jabbed her in the stomach and hissed, "But then we'll have less nookie time with Ranma!"

"Oh, right," Ukyou answered, before turning to Ranma, "Forget I said anything."

Ranma sighed. There was no possible way to get an invigorating fight out of the meek surrender.

* * *

It was eventually learned by the majority of the Dark Gods that three of their number had been responsible for the troubles their favored keeper had suffered.

Actually, the trio had apologized and begged for forgiveness when they'd seen the figurative writing on the wall.

The trio were each given a lengthy spanking, a swat on the hand and told "BAD DARK GOD!" before being let back into the group.

After all, the other Dark Gods didn't want the trio to resent Ranma more and try to stir up another crapstorm when a similiar or more promising possibility presented itself.

* * *

"And that's how your daddy conquered the world."

"Maidel, stop telling the kids lies. I didn't conquer the world. I just..." Ranma began to tell off his first wife.

"Completely and totally stopped all crime, pollution, famine, and pestilience?" Ukyou asked, with an arched eyebrow.

"_**And**_ managed to give the space program the concentrated boost they needed to actually get the theoretical Jacob's Ladder project off the ground?" Nabiki inquired.

"Honestly, darling, you've done a nice job of it." Kodachi spoke up.

With all four of his wives gazing at him, Ranma could only sigh. His five kids weren't helping, their puppy-like eyes weakening him even further.

"Fine! I conquered the world." Ranma said, not happy with how they were making it seem like he was a bad guy.

"So how did you all bag daddy?" Tenma, Ranma's oldest son began.

"Well, we each bagged him separately. But there WAS quite an adventure involved in taking out your grandpa so we could get married in peace..." Ukyou spoke up.

Ranma decided to leave. That story always brought up bad memories for him. Mostly because, after the beating he'd received from Tatewaki and the Tendos, Genma Saotome had snapped, and turned into a replica of Happousai. He'd even managed to become as slippery and difficult to defeat as old coot had been. However, he'd been obsessed with trying to force Ranma and Akane to marry, something that would have really pissed off a lot of people. Tatewaki and Akane especially, considering that they'd been married for three months when Genma first tried to nab Akane, calling her abduction "Step 1".

Besides, it kept reminding him how his mom, Kasumi, and his minion Cerl had wound up in a three-way relationship. Kinky, but disturbing at the same time. Like most children, Ranma didn't want to think of either of his parents having sex.

At all.

Still, he supposed it could have been worse.

He could have been king.

And while Reginald's heir, Daniel, liked to say, "it's good to be the king."

For Ranma, it was much better to being a keeper.

**The End.**

* * *

This ending was much grander than it would have turned out (with Horny simply showing up and finishing off the last evil Dungeon Keeper in Chapter 17), but that one fell short.

Still, it was much better than some of the outcomes I'd had for this story.

And frankly, THAT was the real bitch. You see, once the last keeper was gone and the army gone, Kronos' remaining army fell into three categories, the cheap filler, the sleeper agents and the insanely powerful. The cheap filler could be handled readily. The sleeper agents would be quickly noticed and being scattered, could be defeated with ease, and with Ranma's ability to heal anyone loyal to him, the only real people they could do any lasting harm against would be those not loyal to a keeper. The insanely powerful were the real threats, but there were only so many, and with their independent natures, they simply would not have had the capacity to mess with the keepers on their lonesome.

As to their final fate, I'm going to leave that up to circumspect. Considering the unknown powers, faking their deaths could be possible, but they would need to reintegrate with society, and that would likely mean joining a keeper, which means any thoughts of betrayl will be instantly noticed.

Though, I have to admit, while writing this ending, I came to appreciate why J.K. Rowling originally wanted to end the "Harry Potter" series with Book 3. As the latter books have proven, one way or another, the books simply cannot meet all of the hopes and expectations. In a way, it probably would have been better for the original Harry Potter series to have been broken up into segments, like Lord of the Rings was. We had the Hobbit (i.e. the first three Harry Potter books) which focused on mostly on the travels of Bilbo Baggins, and then we had the Lord of the Rings (what the last four books should have been), intertwining stories that culminate in the total defeat of evil, followed quickly by the rather quick and fairly decisive ending.

Likewise, I could have broken up Dungeon Keeper Ranma in such a manner, but honestly, I'm not that good... yet. With each completed (or uncompleted) story, I find myself struggling with a fundamental truth:

I do both comedy and drama fairly well, but I like comedy more, hence things often sway between the two (more often lingering in comedy).

Pompous and pretentious bullcrap aside, here are the last few omakes I'll create for this series (though I may pick up DK Ukyou or DK Anime in the future and toss more in there).

* * *

Omake Feature:  
_People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart_  
or  
_Dungeon Keeper Of The Rings?_

* * *

Gandalf was staring at the monstrous luck that Frodo Baggins had.

Not only had the little hobbit stumbled across a major artifact just as old and powerful as Sauron's One True Ring, but he'd also gotten a few extras.

Even better, the little hobbit's new lair couldn't be penetrated by the Nazgul or any other nasty creatures that may seek him harm for his possession.

There had been several things that could have ended his life anyway, including a number of vicious creatures who had invaded some lost dwarven tunnels, which included a mighty Balrog; and an army that Saruman, Gandalf's old friend had turned to evil (though Gandalf had his suspicions earlier), had been building an army of half-breed human-orcs.

Of course, none of them could match Horniculus. The Horned Reaper had taken great delight in decimating the numerous and vicious enemies and crushing all in his way.

Furthermore, in the span of a single month, the hobbit had his minions mine a path to Mount Doom, where the hobbit had tossed Sauron's Ring in... well, more of set up a bank-shot off several rock formations that landed approximately where the hobbit had desired it to go.

In many ways, the defeat of Sauron had been rather anticlimatic, though Horny had a blast teaching the Nazgul that "invincible to man" didn't apply to demons.

And so, he, Bilbo Baggins and Frodo Baggins were sipping fruity little drinks with Horny, discussing the highlights of the "clean up" as Frodo put it.

End.


End file.
